Special Running Mom

Chaturanga Anatomy

2012-01-02T11:47:00.000-08:00

Reposted from Yoga Tune Up® | Did You Know… Chaturanga Is Sanskrit For Shoulder-Shredder?
Okay, we all know it means four [limbed] staff pose, but given it’s propensity to contribute to the shredding of shoulder tendons, it has more than earned its nickname.
I personally know several practitioners who have undergone surgery to repair their tendons from too many Chaturangas done improperly. Often, it can be attributed to a lack of activation from a particular shoulder stabilizer.

In the photo above, you can clearly see the head of her humerus (top of the shoulder) pointing down. This is the classic mis-alignment that can lead to injury. First, she needs to keep her shoulder at elbow level and not go below as pictured. If she were to integrate a little bit of Cat pose here, pushing into the ground as she lowered, it would help pull her shoulder blades apart in PROTRACTION allowing the arm bone to maintain a more neutral and healthy position.

The Serratus: The MVP of shoulder stability is a gorgeous, multi-fingered muscle called the Serratus Anterior that starts at the inside edge of your shoulder blade, wraps its long fibers around your torso and grips your upper eight or nine ribs. In addition to keeping that inside edge of your blade firmly down on your back, it pulls the blades apart (protraction) and down (depression).

If it’s not working, your shoulder blades can start to peel off your back (winging) and the head of your arm bone careens forward in the socket, leaving little space for the tendons of your rotator cuff muscles. This can create a shearing force on those tendons and their bursa.

How do you know if it’s turned on? The shoulder blades are moving away from each other as they do in Cat pose for example. If the shoulder blades are moving together, Serratus Anterior is turned off and shoulder tendons are vulnerable during load bearing postures, like Chaturanga.

Usually, it’s a classic series of unhealthy movements: As people begin Chaturanga by bending their arms, their elbows start to drift away from the ribs, shoulder blades move toward each other and they crane their necks down, moving their heads lower than their torsos. Repeat 20-30 times per class, 3 classes per week. This is a hot mess.

To safe guard your shoulders and your practice, hug your elbows into your rib cage and push away from the floor as much as you can as your lower

Properly executed Chaturanga can give you deliciously strong, healthy and shapely shoulders. Save the shredding for bodybuilders and snowboarders.

2011-09-07T16:20:00.000-07:00

Michele’s Appearances:

SEPT. NEW CLASSES:

Sun. 5:30 (60 min.)
DC Fitness, White House
“ROCK YOUR ASANA”
Yoga poses to funky, hip, and happening music. Be prepared to sweat, swoon, and swivel your stress away!

Tues. 7:15 (75 min.)
My Hot Yoga Place
HOT YOGA

COMING IN OCTOBER:
Totally Free Kid’s Yoga, AND Kids Yoga Workshop
Steadfast and True Yoga, Nashville check out:
www.steadfastandtrueyoga.com

Kids yoga
1st United Methodist Church in Hendersonville, Thursday’s 5:30 pm
(beginning Oct. 6)
merrilee.wineinger@hfumc.org

Mid Day Express – Yoga Opening
(All Levels Welcome)
Wed. 12:15-1:00
(beg. Oct. 12)
1st United Methodist Church in Hendersonville
merrilee.wineinger@hfumc.org

September is “Yoga Month”. In celebration Steadfast and True Studio in Nashville, is offering free yoga Sept. 29-Oct. 1. Check out their website for totally free KIDS YOGA with Michele. This is a great way to allow your child to preview yoga and decide for themselves. For detailsvisit:www.steadfastandtrueyoga.com

Living Your Yoga… Utilizing Yoga as a Therapeutic Approach

Regular practitioners of yoga continue to show up on their mat because of the benefits. We have enjoyed increased mental clarity, decrease in pain, increase in range of motion, flexibility and balance and reduction in stress and anxiety. With its increasing popularity, yoga is now getting the attention of traditional Western medicine. With increasing precision, scientists are able to look at the brain and body and detect the sometimes subtle changes that practitioners of yoga and meditation undergo. As yoga continues to grow and become more popular, it is getting the attention of medical practitioners. Attention has been given to using yoga as a therapeutic intervention for challenges relating to injury, illness or chronic health concern. In just the last few years, research has documented the efficacy of yoga for such conditions as back pain, multiple sclerosis, insomnia, cancer, heart disease, and even tuberculosis. Studies are also increasingly documenting how yoga works. Among its many beneficial effects, yoga has been shown to increase strength, flexibility, and balance; enhance immune function; lower blood sugar and cholesterol levels; and improve psychological well-being. One of yoga's most prominent effects, of course, is stress reduction.

All this is good; however caution needs to be taken when discussing yoga and therapy together. “Therapy” in its traditional sense, especially as practiced in our Western culture means the treatment to relieve or heal some type of disorder. Therapy traditionally addresses what has gone ‘wrong’. Yoga however tends to focus on maintaining and enhancing what is ‘right’. The healing of an injury or disease comes next, to this end yoga works in conjunction with the medical community and/ or traditional therapists such as occupational or physical therapist, or psychologist. Yoga assumes the body is always in the process of healing itself. But what is it that needs to be corrected and/or healed? Often a healing might be of our awareness or understanding. Healing according to Doug Keller describes not just a physical process, but a process of consciousness. When discussing yoga as a therapeutic approach it is important for the practitioner to participate in the process, there is a level of self-awareness necessary that assists the practitioner in his own ongoing process of self-healing. Yoga as a therapeutic intervention does not presume to “fix” anyone or anything within the person. Yoga encourages and relies heavily on empowerment. The practitioner is taught how to recognize and understand for himself the patterns of movement and muscular imbalances that set us up for injury. Engagement, self-awareness, and participation are necessary for any improvement. Whether you are struggling with a particular injury, illness or disability (physical or emotional ) or your are just interested in learning more about individual poses and how to enhance your own practice – consider booking a private yoga therapy session.

Focus on the Pose: the ‘Wave’ Breath… Here’s how:

Begin lying down on our back, place a pillow or rolled towel under your knees for support. Start with a continuous flow of smooth transitions; inhale in three stages, with a small exhalation or release between each stage of the inhalation.
• Begin the inhalation, feeling the breath move first toward the diaphragm and abdomen,
• Release some of the breath out, ideally from the center of the diaphragm, relaxing inside. Notice how this makes space for the next part of the inhalation;
• Breathe in some more, feeling the breath now move into the middle chest
• Release some of the breath out; notice if you can maintain the space of the chest, and elt the release come just from the center of the diaphragm
• Complete the in breath, feeling the breath move toward the top chest; relax your shoulders back as you expand, and be careful not to tense your neck or push back with your head to ‘pull’ the breath up to the chest.
• Pause for a moment, then steadily release the breath, first with a tiny release from the center of the diaphragm, and then allowing the whole body to relax and release symmetrically in one long, smooth, quiet exhalation.

KIDS CORNER:

Yoga for kids is a fun way for children to develop important skills in an energetic, non-competitive, low stress environment. Through the exploration of breathe, posture, and relaxation each session will be an exploration of movement and stillness. We will move through a balanced sequence of yoga poses, each designed to improve concentration, steady and relax the breathe, and improve well-being and inner peace. We will move into funky fun shapes individually, engage in cooperative practice with partner poses, and play group games. These classes appropriate for all children regardless of physical ability, inclusion encouraged.
Grades: K-5th
Thursdays: Oct. 6,13,20,27, Nov. 3, 5:30-6:00 pm
Cost: 5 week series $36.00, drop in rate $8.00 per class
Location: First United Methodist Church, Hendersonville

Michele's August Yoga Newsletter

2011-07-31T20:45:00.000-07:00

Hello all,

Summer is coming to an end and school will be starting soon. Hope this finds everyone relaxed and rested from busy summer vacations, heat, and schedules, ready to renew your commitment to your yoga practice. Please enjoy this August newsletter with articles on Living Your Yoga... Beyond Preconceived Notions and External Appearances, Focus on the Pose: Meditation, and Kids Corner featuring highlights from this summers kids camps.

See you on the mat,
Blessings and peace

Michele’s Yoga Post
Living your yoga… on and off the mat
AUGUST, 2011

Michele’s Appearances:

NEW CLASSES:

Sun. 5:30 (60 min.)
DC Fitness, White House
ROCK YOUR ASANA
Yoga poses to funky, hip, and happening music. Be prepared to sweat, swoon, and swivel your stress away!
*Begins the end of August

Tues. 7:15 (75 min.)
My Hot Yoga Place
HOT YOGA
*Resumes in August, stay tuned

COMING SOON:
• Kids yoga coming to Steadfast and True Yoga in Nashville…
www.steadfastandtrueyoga.com

• Kids yoga coming to 1st United Methodist Church in Hendersonville
merrilee.wineinger@hfumc.org

__________________

Current YOGA teaching schedule:

Mon/Fri 6:00 am (60 min.)
My Hot Yoga Place, Hendersonville HOT YOGA
www.myhotyogaplace.com

Mon. 6:15 pm (75 min.)
DC Fitness, White House HOT CORE
www.dcfitnesscenter.com

T/Th 9:00 am (60 min)
First UMC in Hendersonville
Room 250
Level 1 and Therapeutic Yoga
*Resumes August 16

Wed. 7:00 pm (60 min.)
(2x month, ck on line)
DC Fitness, White House
HOT YOGA
www.dcfitnesscenter.com

_______________________

Living Your Yoga… Beyond Preconceived Notions and External Appearances
“By letting go of our fears and negativity, and learning to see the best in ourselves and others, we can provide a powerful impetus for positive change. It is through this ability to go beyond preconceived notions and external appearances that we can transform our lives and those of our children.” ~Sonia Sumar

I have been studying yoga as a therapeutic approach toward helping people reach their fullest potential. Recently I came across this quote from Sonia Sumar’s book, Yoga for the Special Child. It supports what I have come to understand as people’s ability to limit their own potential for healing. Somehow we have developed a concept of yoga that includes only the bendy, flexible and fit individuals when in fact the true potential of yoga includes all bodies in whatever form they present themselves.

It is our own concepts and thoughts that limit us from reaching our fullest potential as embodied beings. Yes the body can serve as a vehicle for growth, positive change, and healing in whatever form the body shows up. I am fascinated with those that venture into a yoga class exposing their limitations; their extra weight, their arthritic bones, their contracted joints. Those that are courageous enough to show up despite any preconceived notion, limitation, or fear are the those that will reach beyond the bodily experience of yoga, what I like to consider the surface level experience in a yoga class, and delve deeper into the subtler, more energetic layers of the body; those places that hold the emotions, and the very spirit of the practicing yogi.

These layers are what promote therapeutic healing to the practicing yogi. Through repetition, commitment, and faith one shows up to the mat, taking in not only the bodily experiences but those discoveries that lie deeper. Moving into the crevices of fear and negativity to discover what lies there is part of the process of discovery. Only through the experience of these less desirable emotional states and physical limitations does one discover a path toward healing through getting rid of our preconceived notions of health and wellness by moving energy around within. In this way transformation truly occurs.

Focus on the Pose: MEDITATION… Here’s how:
Commit to this meditation 4 times a week for the month of August.
Commit to 10 minutes, set a timer with a soft alarm. Move to a quite space, minimizing distractions. Begin in easy sit either on the floor or in a chair with your spine erect and if in a chair your feet firmly planted on the floor. Closing your eyes may make it easier to go inside. Take several deep cleansing breaths – drawing breath into the belly, the side ribs, and the collarbones/heart. Feel the energy of the breath moving up and down the spine. When your mind is quiet begin the following prayer. Say in your mind with each breath the following prayer taught by the Buddha:
Inhale: The thought manifests as the word,
Exhale: The word manifests as the deed,
Inhale: The deed develops into habit,
Exhale: And habit hardens into character.
Inhale: So watch the thought and its ways with care Exhale: Silence
Repeat several times in the 10 minutes. Then when you are feeling peaceful, sit in silence a few minutes absorbing the power of the words in a fully energized body. Take one last deep cleansing breath raising your hands over your head and bringing them together in prayer. Draw the hands down the midline to rest at the heart center. End your meditation with Namaste (bowing to the divine spirit present in and around you).

KIDS CORNER:

This summer’s kid’s camps were a huge success at both the Down’s Syndrome Association as well at the 1st UMC in Hendersonville. Kids came together to learn about the systems of the body (skeletal, and muscular systems in particular), nutritional awareness and of course lots of yoga. The kids got to learn individual asanas such as Warrior, Rock, Frog, etc. as well as partner poses and yoga games.

There has been interest in Hendersonville of having an ongoing yoga class for kids. Once plans are finalized a class will begin at the 1st UMC in Hendersonville as well as Steadfast and True in Nashville.

Beyond the Physical Body

2011-07-23T16:34:00.000-07:00

Recently I had the opportunity to take my child, Brendon who has a physical disability to a yoga studio where I practice as a student. The class was basically an intermediate/advance practice. I took him with the intention of both of us participating together. I wanted to get in my own physical practice as well as discover and practice some of the therapy techniques I have been studying. I also wanted my child to have the experience of yoga as community, something he misses as there are no community classes presently that would include him.

I went through all the preliminary thoughts typically I have when I take Brendon to a new place. First I had to figure out how to get him in, and where would be the best space to put him. There were stairs leading into the studio so I was going to have to carry him (this is one reason why I have such a physically strong practice in yoga). I also needed to set up his space, bolsters, blankets, blocks, even a strap. Then I envisioned where we would practice that would create the least amount of distraction to the other students. Arriving early I was set. The next thing that I had to contend with is whether to prepare the instructor ahead of time, or just show up. There are risks either way. In preparation ahead of time often my words over complicate my intention and his disability. In just showing up, I knew I would have to content with the possibility that I would get that look. Parents of special needs children know what I am talking about and have been dealing with it as long as they have been taking their child out in public, not exactly rejection, but a mixture of surprise and fear (like in a split moment they are thinking, uhhhh how will this work in my class, or am I going to have to do anything different than I planned, or is this going to be a distraction?). You may be surprised how instantaneous this look passes through ones eyes.

I decided to take a risk, just show up and see what happened. I have learned the worst that can happen is that I wouldn’t be able to practice, and I was OK with that (though there would be a little sting). I am so grateful to my teacher, she demonstrated nothing but acceptance, as well as genuine joy in the fact that we were there. After comfortably setting up Brendon, I snuggled my mat close to him. I gave one simple instruction, to listen to the teacher and see if he could either move his body as she was suggesting or to imagine through the breath movement in this way.

This experience ranked as one of my favorite, humbling and even affirming. There is always such powerful energy in a flow class but to have Brendon there among some of the most physically fit yogis’ breathing, stretching, reaching was truly amazing. I loved trying to contort my body into whatever shape was being described while trying to adjust, stretch and assist Brendon. He was fully included; I could see the deep concentration on his face and felt release in his body as he worked with his own breath. It really didn’t matter what the shape he was in looked like, what mattered was his own unique experience. Brendon has what I see many able bodied yogis’ struggle with, full acceptance of his body without comparison or judgment. It didn’t seem to matter to him that he was not able to twist, contort, invert like everyone else. This is the true absence of ego. No comparison, just concentration, and a resolve to have his own experience in spite of multiple physical challenges. His physical body didn’t inhibit him or serve as a distraction toward the experience of prana (breath) moving, and the transformative energy of the yoga practice.
In the end with peace and contentment realized his little body relaxed into sleep.

It is my hope that others will find inspiration from this story. Yoga is such a powerful gift, and should be available to all regardless of body challenges. It transcends the physical realm in its ability to transform the practitioner toward their true inner self. The actual physical asana (poses) are secondary to this purpose. Don’t let the body distract, inhibit, or block you from this inner yoga experience. Allow the body to be as it is… and be grateful for whatever experience shows up on your mat.

~Om Shante, Shante, Shante, Om

Living Your Yoga… Focus on Commitment

2011-06-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

Wow, June already. Seems we were donning sweaters, raincoats and boots just a few days ago and boom 90+ weather. With rising temperatures comes multiple changes to our routines: schools out, kids are under foot, vacations are being planned, schedules are changing. Trying to keep a sense of calm can be challenging as the red shoots up the thermometer (both externally and internally). Keeping a regular yoga practice despite changing schedules and pulls on your time will help to facilitate a sense of grounding and inner peace.

Yoga demonstrates our ability to follow through. It is only through commitment to a regular practice that we begin to experience the full benefits of yoga. With the rising temperatures, now more than ever, allowing time for regular practice will help to ensure a stress free or at least stress reduced summer. Allowing you to stay cool, collected and calm in the midst of whatever changes are happening all around you.

“Even when we opt for stillness, our hearts are beating, our breath is flowing and all our systems are at work.” (Yoga International, Summer 2011) As the temperatures rise we may find our energies waning. Through our commitment to a regular yoga practice we learn the value of purposeful movement allowing us to become increasingly aware of how we move, breathe, and hopefully how we might begin to ease into purposeful stillness. Summer is the perfect time to commit to stillness and meditation is one way to bring a sense of calm, still restfulness to the heat of your day.

Focus on the Pose: MEDITATION… Here’s how:
S t i l l n e s s: Select a posture for relaxation or meditation. Allow yourself to rest in it, gradually experiencing a sense of stillness that rises naturally in you. Settle into that stillness and let it support you.
D i a p h r a g m a t i c B r e a t h i n g: Feel the flow of your breathing. The exhalation is cleansing, the inhalation is nourishing. Let the abdomen rise and fall with each breath. Let the breath flow without pause.
Sy s t e m a t i c R e l a x a t i o n: Use one of the systematic relaxation methods to release tensions. At the end of the method, bring your whole body into your awareness, breathing as if all the cells are cleansed and nourished with each breath.
B r e a t h Awa r e n e s s: Bring your attention to the touch of the breath in the nostrils. Feel the breath; warm as it flows out, and cool as it flows in. Maintain your awareness through each change in direction. Let thoughts come and go without judging or criticizing them. Simply rest your attention on the breath and relax.

M e n t a l Fo c u s: Continue feeling the breath and at the same time begin to think the natural sound of the breath in your mind. Think so on the inhalation, and ham (hum) on the exhalation. Let this sound become the focus of your awareness, gently bringing yourself back to it if your attention wanders. Relax your body, breath and mind, maintaining the focus. Rest in the presence of your own being.

Yoga for Postural Imbalances

2011-05-25T12:58:00.000-07:00

Ballet dancers have it. So do serious practitioners of pilates, tai chi, and yoga. Those who sit parked in front of computer screens all day? Not so much.

The “it’’ is good posture, and many of us aren’t practicing it these days; posture-related muscle aches and injuries — serious enough to cause missed days of work — occur in more than 600,000 Americans a year, according to the Occupational Safety and Health Administration. And anyone who spends more than 95 percent of their workday sitting is at risk.

Sure, the days of balancing books on our head went by the wayside along with finishing schools and castor oil, and parents now focus more on their children’s grades and after-school activities than their carriage. But some experts yearn for a return to those previous times.

The rest of the story:
http://articles.boston.com/2011-05-23/lifestyle/29574829_1_tai-chi-posture-notebook-computers

Living Your Yoga… Focus on Courage

2011-05-07T19:37:00.000-07:00

In this life with all its trials and challenges the ability to show up often requires us to draw upon this much needed resource in order to function at all. I have found in my yoga practice being present, opening the heart, and showing up day after day to experience whatever happens on the mat takes a great deal of courage. Once the “newness” of yoga wears off, the things we see or immediately experience begin to become a part of our everyday experience, many people stop showing up. When a practice becomes ordinary, when life events become challenging, the body becomes tired, experiences an illness or injury to show up becomes less and less important. How then does one continue? What distinguishes the committed from those that allow other things to replace their practice? I believe digging into one’s faith and then putting that into action takes courage.

Let’s face it, sometimes we are just scared, a fear lies deep in the recesses of the heart, one we are afraid to uncover. A dedicated, committed yoga practice begins to uncover some of these fears and often the practitioner gives up, afraid to discover whatever lies hidden. Those that persevere despite any underlying fear demonstrate the true meaning of courage. They continue to show up, allow physical discomfort to flow through, and tears to fall. They stay connected to their practice, and their yoga community. They depend on their interdependence with people and things.

I had the opportunity to witness this recently in a teacher training on adaptive yoga with Mind Body Solutions. People that faced extreme physical challenges through disability continued to show up to their practice. Whether the person was born with the disability or it was a result of an illness or accident, the collective energy these courageous individuals demonstrated was a power strongly felt in my own heart. I witnessed the healing energy of a dedicated yoga practice. Many of these individuals had lost much of their physical sensations, yet the undeniable benefits of yoga were still experienced and kept them coming back. I believe these individuals experienced levels of awareness and presence many physically fit individuals ignore or take for granted. It was evident that fear either was being experienced in the present practice or had been experience in the past. In spite of any fear, courage moved each person to continue to commit, and to show up. Judith Lasater says, “the most important thing to know about courage is that it cradles your action even though you are afraid.” Thankfully yoga is immersed in action. Each pose, each breath, each subtle movement moves you. Sometimes the movement is closer to the fear so the student can develop the awareness necessary for healing. But yoga will always move you through and out of the fear if you continue to demonstrate the courage to show up.
• For more information on adaptive yoga and Mind Body Solutions visit: www.mindbodysolutions.org also check out Waking by Matthew Sanford – a beautiful memoir demonstrating the healing power of yoga

Adaptive Yoga Teacher Training Reflections

2011-04-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

Affirmed… that is the word I used to sum up my experience with Matthew Sanford’s Adaptive Yoga Teacher Training with Mind Body Solutions in Minnesota. Matthew Sanford, author of Waking and a paraplegic himself was every bit as genuine as his memoir suggested. The program he has created sprouting out of his own life experience with disability, our Western medical system, and yoga along with his practical application is exactly what the disability community is in need of and the able bodied community can learn so much from in ways more than any physical asana practice can accomplish. Together with Andy and Julie a finely crafted training has emerged based on a practical experience of “making s@#* up” (within the principles of alignment of course). Thank you…

What can those living in the midst to disability teach the rest of us as we power through asana (physical poses) practice? I believe a sense of total connectedness by utilizing the flow of prana (breath). “Prana follows consciousness,” Matthew continued to remind us. What does that mean? To me the able bodied practitioner, it is cultivating the ability to be fully present in my body and all the sensations of body and mind with complete acceptance and full awareness. Matthew has managed to give a language to what happens if we are fully present and paying attention in our yoga practice, able bodied or not, “Prana follows consciousness.”

Take any asana, Tadasana for example, as we are rooted in Tadasana a new sense of grounding and being connected to our base is realized. A connection I had previously felt sometimes but often ignored. To be connected with completed awareness allowed me to fully feel the inner sensations of pushing down to lift up. As my awareness to my base became a focal point for my mind, the realization of prana flowing up through my legs through my spine and straight up toward the heavens was experienced. It was like a light shining bright traveling both up and down. Push down to lift up. The spine is an amazing prana line. Through the awareness of the prana traveling along the vertical line of the spine, a sensation of prana spreading throughout the container we call the human body is realized.

How to create this prana filled container for those whose bodies have experienced breaks in the line or unnatural twists and turns because of trauma, genetic condition, illness, or lack of body awareness, that was the focus of this teacher training and in that purpose I was not disappointed. The principles of yoga are universal regardless of the container people show up with. I will be forever grateful to Matthew, Andy, Julie, Mind Body Solutions and more importantly those students who showed up to the practice to allow us to observe, touch, move, and even gawk at them in their practice. I now understand in new ways the concept of being fully embodied.

Focus on... Perspective

2011-04-10T12:43:00.001-07:00

Perspective, “The means of attaining cessation is the unceasing vision of discernment” – Yoga Sutra 2:26 This yoga teaching implies several things. First whatever we need to see is right in front of us. In a yoga posture especially a difficult one, it can be impossible to think of anything else but the particular asana (pose) we are in, what is happening right now. We gain a perspective on how we hold our arms, legs, feet, every aspect of our physical being if we are paying attention. Second, the power of discrimination helps us to better understand the nature of reality. In other words we can maintain perspective about what is happening, right here, right now: Where am I holding on? Where can I let go in order to bring comfort? Is my heart open, my jaw loose, my thigh steady?
Yoga practice will continue to challenge us, just as the events of day to day life can be challenging. When we learn to pay attention to the challenges, the workings of the physical body and the thoughts that accompany the mind, we learn how to be fully grounded in reality, what is happening in the present. Often a yoga teacher will guide us to open our hearts. Off the mat this can translate to transformation. When we commit to living with an open heart in all the day to day details of our lives we are indeed transformed. No longer is life happening to us, it is just happening. We become deeply invested in ourselves, our relationships, and our community because we are guided by the clarity of discernment. We are then fully able to meet whatever challenge with the love and forgiveness that accompany a heart opening. The path, the outcome is already determined; our job then becomes full participation in movement toward the inevitable outcome. So much of what we call wisdom is really just clarity of perspective. In contrast so much of what we call suffering is linked to effort and to reactions that are tied to iron-clad perspective. How easy this is to see when we hold on, the lips press together, the jaw tightens, the back stiffens… Only through cessation, release of the lips, jaw or back are we able to find steadiness and comfort.

The Benefits of Yoga for Children

2011-03-05T13:56:00.000-08:00

Finding physical activities that are engaging and fun for children can be a challenge. Yoga has the ability to bring concentration, balance, physical and emotional well-being. Children are surrounded with stress producing stimulus; cell phones, video games, increased academic performance, physical competition… Yoga can help counter pressures facing today’s children. When children learn techniques for self-health, relaxation and inner fulfillment, they can navigate challenges with a little more ease.
Physically yoga enhances flexibility, strength and coordination as well as increased body awareness. Often this leads to increased concentration and a sense of calmness and ability to relax. Following are a few guidelines for enhancing a child’s yoga experience:
• Be attuned to their energy. If kids are calm and ready, begin with quiet poses and meditation; if they are more active delve into more active poses.
• Kids often feed on the energy of the adults around them. Be a model of peace, compassion, and love.
• Understand children’s natural talkativeness and exuberance. Guide – don’t dictate.
• Allow children to make up their own poses.
• Be flexible when working with children and willing to change direction on the fly.
• Teach them to honor and take care of their bodies in the spirit of cooperation and not competition. Facilitate great respect for their body.
• Have fun, laugh, giggle, sing and make noises. Trust that with perseverance, time and practice, children will learn what they need. Have fun, and the children will too.

Chattanooga Scenic Half Marathon, Feb. 26, 2011

2011-02-26T18:48:00.000-08:00

How Yoga Improved My Running

2011-02-26T18:37:00.000-08:00

The Perspective of One Woman: Runner, Yoga Teacher and Student

As I begin my preparation for the Chattanooga Scenic Half Marathon tomorrow, I find myself reflecting on the role yoga has played in my training. I’ve been running marathons and half marathons since 1998, and have kept myself at least half marathon ready for over five years. One year ago I began my yoga journey mostly because I wanted to find an alternative to the cross training I was doing at the time. I was also at a very difficult emotional place in my life with many life events interfering with my serenity. I continued to find running meditation (something I began implementing in my runs many years ago) helpful in bringing a sense of balance and serenity but was not finding the same benefits with my weight lifting and Pilates cross training routines. Everyone’s heard yoga can be a peaceful restorative type of physical practice and that stretching is good for any runner so I decided to pick it up. And let’s face it runners typically have upper bodies that resemble limp noodles or sticks.
I began with a one day a week class at my local YMCA, gym yoga as they say. I can’t say that I was hooked from the first experience but I definitely remember feeling a sense of having done something I had not previously done and yes I did feel stretched and a little more relaxed. I continued to show up sporadically, with no real commitment. I don’t know what happened but something began to shift within me even with this modest commitment. Even with my irregular practice I started to notice muscles in my upper body and core that seemed to have eluded me. So like any good obsessive runner I began to dive in a little more seriously, motivated primarily by a sense of vanity (my favorite muscle prior to yoga were my calves, oooh the definition.) I moved out from my gym yoga experience to investigate different studios and the vast array of class offerings they had. In the studios, the emphasis on shavasana (laying down flat on my back in the dark moving nothing) proved to be very soothing and completely clarifying. I never knew lying completely still could be so powerful. Much of what I learned was confusing, and more than a little overwhelming, but I was encouraged by the changes in my body and the increased clarity in my mind so I kept showing up eventually using yoga solely as my cross training activity.
Yoga did make me a better runner. I completed the Women’s Half Marathon last year, a fairly hilly and difficult course, shaving off time from my previous races. More importantly I felt great pretty much the whole race as well as after. Not one muscle twitched or ached and my mind was completely clear. I enjoyed moments of quiet in my mind followed by excitement and motivation. I loved interacting with the crowd at times and “going inward” creating my own solitude in the midst of the crowd at other times. The disciplined practice of six months worth of yoga taught me how to integrate my body, my breath and my mind in order to remain focused and calm even in the face of difficult hills and long distances.
As I head out to the race, and coincidently my 48th birthday, I can honestly say I have never been in better shape physically, mentally and emotionally. Yoga has taught me to pay attention. I have gained flexibility, balance, strength and clarity throughout my entire physical body as well as in my mind. Yoga has taught me how to be in intense situations in order to bring my awareness to my form and breath in order to make any situation more manageable. I have been able to carry this lesson “off the mat” as they say into my everyday life. I look forward to the joy of this race knowing I am well prepared balanced, clear and serene. Om Shante, Shante, Shante… Namaste.

Cultivating Discipline

2011-02-10T05:25:00.000-08:00

Welcome everyone to your yoga practice in 2011. With the holidays past us and the snow still looming in the background, making a regular practice of yoga has become more of a practice in discipline than ever before. Not sure about the rest of you but the constant thread of snowstorms and the subsequent closing that accompany it have really caused me to be a little off balance and yes a little lazy. To continue to commit to my yoga has really been challenging. I have learned that discipline has less to do with accomplishment and more to do with intention and commitment. How does this apply on the mat? True I will gain a sense of accomplishment as I meet the challenges of a pose, getting into and maintaining a warrior pose for example. However, just as I am getting a little complacent in my pose, the teacher will point out some subtlety within the pose directing me to a new level of awareness. Once again I realize that in yoga, much like in life, the value of a disciplined practice. I continue to show up – honoring the commitment I made to myself and following through on my intention. In this way I am cultivating discipline, breath by breath, pose by pose. I do what I can and I commit to do it fully. In this way I learn that discipline is expressed by my intention to stay present in each moment. Namaste.

Meeting Resistance

2011-01-21T16:51:00.000-08:00

Resistance and procrastination seem to be the constant companions of the regular runner, or at least for this runner. I am in the middle of training for the Chattanooga Marathon on Feb. 24 (one day before my 48th birthday) and today was my 8 mile run. Now the cold weather is not my friend. In fact I just can't stand it! So any running I do in the winter is done on a treadmill.

The past two weeks have been grueling to me. From the first step I have been feeling a sense of fatigue. And because I run on the treadmill, I have a pretty good idea of my pacing. To do my 10 minute miles has felt like torture. Why I am not completely sure. The cold weather, less sunlight, my tendency toward depression in the winter, age, the increase in my yoga practice... Any one of these or a combination could be the reason for my resistance.

What keeps me running when the euphoric feelings are not present is my commitment to the training, the working toward a goal and the Nike mantra to "just do it" keeps me in my sneakers.

My yoga practice has taught me many lessons through the commitment to the practice that I can take off my mat. Why then can't the lessons learned in running be carried off the road? Really no reason. So I have thought about my recent attitude toward running, the difficulties in finding a rhythm and ease on the course. I have done a lot of thinking on how this attitude carries into the rest of my life. There seems to be no reason why I can't carry my persistent, committed attitude with which I approach running when I don't feel like running to all areas of my life. Life seems to be filled with hundreds of tasks that I find myself not wanting to do. Just like lacing up my sneakers and hitting the gym or road, following through on my commitment to my training, I can approach life. I can adapt the "just do it" attitude when I don't want to take care of some detail or unpleasant task. In fact following through on my commitment to myself to pick up my writing again has been one such task. I do believe my 8 mile run has helped me today to put fingers to keyboard in an effort of follow through on the commitment to myself.

So go ahead, the next time you find yourself procrastinating or avoiding some task, just lace up your sneakers per say and "just do it." Then take note of how you feel. Relish in the feelings of satisfaction in a job well done.

Losing Weight in the New Year

2011-01-10T09:33:00.000-08:00

Losing Weight in the New Year

It’s the beginning of the year, lots of drama around losing weight. It seems as if every commercial, talk show and magazine ad is toting the latest and greatest weight loss method. I just finished watching an episode of The View where a young eighteen- year- old lost 90 lbs. in 90 days on some extreme weight loss show. Whew! Though I commend her on her success, I have to wonder how long her weight loss will last. Seems to me she is sitting on the pink cloud of success right now. I admire her perseverance in completing the program, but I have to wonder what happens when life hits, some adversity finds its way into her life. Will she have the tools she needs to maintain? I am saddened once again by the pain of our culture and what it does to those that are different, suffering, and trying desperately to be someone else.

Obesity is a problem for our culture. An estimated 1 billion + people are obese, spending over 50 million on weight loss products. For me the only thing that has worked in maintaining my weight is nothing new. A complete lifestyle change including healthy eating habits and exercise, along with reducing stress has proved to be most effective and what professionals agree is the only thing that is lasting. The next question is how to achieve this. Yoga helps. A dedicated, regular yoga practice helps slow the heart rate contributing to lower stress levels, improve elimination causing improved digestive function, and build healthy muscles, all helpful in losing weight. Because yoga practice builds on itself consistency, and regularity are essential. If you must do something drastic, enroll in a yoga class and commit to making yoga a part of your lifestyle. See you on the mat.

2011-01-08T13:34:00.000-08:00

2011, my first posting of the New Year, welcome 2011. I am so glad you are here. 2010 was filled with lots of changes for me, my journey on the yoga path being one of the biggest and most life changing. I am thrilled and excited to be facing 2011 in anticipation of continued growth and inner peace. This year instead of setting a New Year’s resolution (how many of us really keep them all year anyway?) I decided to set a sankalpa. Some texts describe a sankalpa as resolve others as an intention. . Whether you look at it as a resolve or an intention, a sankalpa practice starts from the premise that you already are who you need to be to fulfill your life’s dharma or purpose. All you need to do is be present to the voice of the inner self, following the voice of the highest truth.

A sankalpa comes out of listening, it’s not something you need to make up it is already present, but you have to be still and quiet to discover it. That’s where the physical yoga comes in. Through a regular practice of pranayama (breathing), along with asana (poses), practicing yogis have discovered a stillness within. Out of the stillness of listening your are able to hear the message of the deepest truth and heartfelt desire. Once you have heard the message the second state is turning to and welcoming in the message. When you hear the voice within speaking, you must be willing to be in its presence – sitting with it, feel it, and deeply reflect on it! Next you form your sankalpa as a statement of deeply held fact, and a vow that is true in the present moment. So I set a sankalpa for myself: With energy and perseverance, I bring the practice of yoga to those who need it, simple and in the present tense. This was true for me when I set it and it remains true to me today. (Doing a spiritual check in with yourself to assess whether you sankalpa is still a statement of truth in the present moment is a good practice.)
I woke up this morning with two things I resolved to do to support my New Year’s sankalpa, to do my home yoga practice and to run 7 miles, all part of my new path toward accountability. Initially I was hesitant, but I did a check in with myself asking for the energy and willingness to take these actions if they were meant for me to do today to support my sankalpa. As I went through some other tasks, the desire to practice came, followed by the desire to venture out into the cold to reach the YMCA (frigid temps did not seem to support my sankalpa, so why torture myself, the treadmill did very nicely). I noticed lightness in my running as I faced the window watching hurried, bundled patrons approaching the doors. This is how a sankalpa works. When you are connected to the truth within your own self a sense of purpose materializes.

I encourage you to do the work to set a sankalpa. Sit quietly, meditate, listen and then move forward in action toward being and becoming your true self, the self you’ve always been, the self you are meant to be.

For more information about sankalpa visit:
www.YogaInternational.com
www.yogamat.com

What is Connective Tissue...

2010-12-05T11:21:00.000-08:00

And Why Should I be Concerned with it in Yoga Practice?

“All the great systems of the body – the circulatory, the nervous system, the musculo-skeletal system, the digestive tract, the various organs – are unsheathed in connective tissue.”( Grilley p. 6)Connective tissue is literally present throughout the entire body penetrating every bone, joint, organ, tissue and cell. Unlike muscle, which is are softer and more elastic allowing them to change shape, connective tissue is stiff and inelastic. It is important to keep in mind that all the tissues (muscle, tendons, joints, etc.) of the body are changing and adapting to environmental conditions and stresses placed on them. This may be one reason to practice yoga, to encourage a positive change in the body. Muscles are sculpted and strengthened, tendons are stretched and lengthened. Even the bones are changed. As muscles attaches to the bone it pulls on the bones and the bones in turn respond by growing thicker and stronger.

It is easy to see how muscle changes and develops in a yoga practice. Repeated Chaturanga Dandasana (plank or four-limnbed stick pose) works to develop muscles in the core (rectus abdominis, external obliques) as well as the upper body (triceps, serratus anterior, pectoralis major) and legs (gluteus maximus, hamstrings, gastrocnemius, rectus femoris) creating defined form and shape. Unlike the visual changing muscles the onnective tissue change is not easily seen but more of a felt as it lengthens and expands. Working in a variation of Eka Pada Rajakapotasana (pigeon pose) one needs to engage in a long hold in order to allow the more stubborn, inelastic connective tissue (located within the piriformis muscle) to lengthen and stretch giving stability to the hip by releasing its spindle reflex (which aides in lengthening). Slow shortening and stiffening of connective tissue throughout our body due to injuries, neglect and aging can be addressed with a dedicated yoga practice. “If we never bend our knees or stretch our spines, then the connective tissue is going to slowly shorten to the minimum length needed to accommodate our activities. If after years of abuse or neglect, we then try to flex our knees or arch our back we won’t be able to because our joints will have been “shrink-wrapped” by the shortening of the connective tissue.

Sometimes the problem with long holds is created by blockages in the mind. What to do with the mind as the connective tissue is working toward lengthening? Impatience, boredom, judgment often creeps up as one feels the challenge of the long hold on the physical body. Then yoga becomes a meditative experiences as the mind works to address its impatience, boredom or judgment in order to gain some stillness. This is said to be the true purpose of yoga, to assist the mind to adapt to changes with a sense of stillness and peace, maybe even gratitude.
So learn to embrace the long holds required to bring about stretching and lengthening knowing you are doing something good not only for your physical body but also for the busy and resistant mind. Use each challenge as an opportunity to learn, to grow and to go deeper into your practice. See you on the mat. Om Shante, Shante, Shante (Peace, Peace, Perfect Peace)

mpc YOGA well
Michele Priddy, Teaching Director
mpcpartnership@gmail.com
615-289-9300

Michele’s Current YOGA teaching schedule:
M 5:30-6;30 am Hot Yoga My Hot Yoga Place, (Gallatin Rd. Hendersonville) www.myhotyogaplace.com
M 6:15-7:30 Hot Core DC Fitness (Hwy 31W) White House www.dcfitnesscenter.com
T/Th 9;00-10;00 am Level 1 Yoga First United Methodist Church, Hendersonville
T 7:30- 8:45 pm Hot Yoga My Hot Yoga Place, (Gallatin Rd. Hendersonville)
Sun 2:30-3:30 pm Level 1 Hot Yoga DC Fitness (Hwy 31W) White House
*Private Sessions Available

I Will, I Do, I Can

2010-11-23T08:59:00.000-08:00

I want to know if you can live with failure, with sorrow, with pain and still stand with your toes sinking into the sands of the ocean shore marveling at the infinite beauty and peaceful rhythm of the glistening water. That you can throw your hands up into the air and say, “I will!” “I do!” “I can!”

Yoga can bring you to the place of marveling at beauty in sorrow, of acceptance in failure and peace in pain. As you stand in Virabhadrasana II (Warrior II), quadriceps engaged, looking out over the tip of your middle finger, energy extending out through your arms your claim personal power. Bringing breath into the back body, expanding the ribs and spreading the shoulder blades across the back in Balasana (Child’s pose), you remember your connection to the living, breathing, true self. Yoga teaches you to marvel at the simplest of movements – turning the foot a degree inward, lifting the kneecaps, or spreading the toes. Each movement brings your mind to awareness. Each reaching out brings focus to the inhale, each melting brings attending to the exhale, utilizing the power of the breath.

The mind, the body, the breath no longer operate independently but merge into one beautiful rhythm giving you power to claim for yourself, “I WILL!” “I DO!” “I CAN!”

Teaching Yoga to the University of NC football team! Awesome!

2010-11-13T16:08:00.000-08:00

Yoga Reflections: Yoga for Athletes Teacher Training

2010-11-13T16:04:00.000-08:00

November 8, 2010

I hope this message finds everyone well after hopefully some weekend rest. What a beautiful weekend it was. I just got back from a teacher training in NC: Yoga for Athletes, in Carboro, NC. It was incredible. The drive there was something, rainy and overcast through Tennessee, turning to sun, then I hit the mountains and was greeted with big flakes of snow hit. It was beautiful. Further into my drive more rain under sunny skies and a beautiful rainbow appeared. Magnificent the array of changes our environment goes through in only an eight hour drive. It reminds me of the constant change of life and when I parallel this to my own life I realize that if I just hang out long enough circumstances, people, challenges, and even joys will change. Doesn't that make life exciting?

There were a few highlights I wanted to pass on to everyone. It was enjoyable to connect once again with the studio and some of my fellow yoga immersion students from the summer teacher training. The power of relationships and the commitment to keep them alive makes life such a joy. I also loved connecting with a whole new group of yoga teachers and students. Though we may never see each other again, the experience we shared was truly a gift.

Along with the vast amount of new knowledge I take away from this experience, an incredible highlight was teaching yoga to the University of North Carolina foot ball players. Truly a gift to have had the opportunity and an experience not to be missed. I love what Jane Fonda recently said in an Oprha interview when explaining one of her life's secrets, "Be curious!" she said. And through the initial thought when faced with a possible intimidating new experience creeps into the psyche, the ability to override any fear, pulling up doses of courage, and delve into the curious void in front of you brings joy beyond measure. This is how I felt about teaching the football team. Sure lots of things could have gone wrong (not being accepted probably the most daunting, along with what will my colleagues think of me) but to break out of the fear and take the leap of faith truly is what curiosity is all about and I have found where I have discovered some of my greatest joys. I have attached the link so you can see this wonderful experience. http://gallery.me.com/sagetree#100614

Looking forward to seeing you all on the mat.

When the Sun Hurts Your Heart

2010-04-25T08:30:00.001-07:00

This is not a good morning. Everything hurts, even the sun. I look outside and think, "I should feel happier, God is smiling on us." But instead the tears of loss keep flowing. Larry took the boys to his parents this weekend and all I can think about is what we would be doing if things were different: going to church, maybe having a picnic, last year we took Andrew and Brendon fishing. There were times in the past when we did this and it was good. I miss Ryan and it hurts even though he is detaching which is exactly what he should be doing. I am afraid seeing Andrew branching out, raging against life and not wanting to spend time with me. I miss Brendon and his sweatness and light. I am just so sad, I don't even make sense.

I call people but everyone is busy, they have lives to live, families to be with, obligations to fulfill. So after calling two people, no answer, sorted some bills and mail, answered some email, wrote in my journal, prayed. And now I am crying again. I called Pam, we talked for awhile, her simple and calming voice helped but the crying is not done. She continues to tell me that you talk about it until you can't talk about it anymore and you cry until you stop. That's just how it works. It is not my brain that is trying kill me but my emotions. Sometimes there is nothing to do, no action to take, it is a waiting for the wave to pass however long it takes. I wish that I could stop crying, but I feel such loss and so much fear. Maybe this is what lonliness feels like.

All is well. Life is just difficult sometimes. God is in the struggle, and in the surrender. I surrender to all the is divine within me. Now... I will get dressed and go for a run. The sun doesn't hurt my heart anymore.

In Memorial to My Grandmother

2010-04-10T07:09:00.000-07:00

Today the LaCombe, Parker, Barnett family bury a beautiful lady and a courageous soul. She played many roles, wife, mother, daughter, friend, business woman… but I knew her as Grandma. As Grandma, and in all her roles, she was the star performer, the expert, and VIP. She carved out a place within my heart that will forever hold great sorrow in her passing but more importantly tremendous joy in a life experienced with happiness and lived to its fullest.
I have many fond memories of grandmother, but two come immediately to mind in their ability to capture the essence of the meaning of the passing of this great life– the ability to bring a family together over a meal, and late night gin games at the kitchen table. Both these activities demonstrate Grandma’s commitment to family and willingness to spend time with those she loved and cared for.
Any Parker can tell you that food is an important part of enjoying life. A woman need not have a large repertoire of food items she is adept in preparing, but she does need a few. Seafood gumbo and bar-b-q shrimp were the menu items of choice at any family reunion at the Downing Drive home. The ability to make good rue and peel a shrimp was essential. My Aunt Sally will retell stories of me as a toddler holding my hand out for peeled shrimp, which was tolerated up until the age of 3 and then one had to demonstrate competence and skill in this area or go very hungry. Butter and lots of black pepper were essential ingredients in any kitchen. A black skillet proved the perfect utensil for making dark rue and watchfulness and patience were important. Later a microwave was purchased, (always a lady keeping up with the times which assisted in the process. No meal was complete without loaves of freshly baked crusty French bread procured at the local market spread with butter and loaded with garlic salt. Usually my job was to prepare the garlic bread, keeping a watchful eye to prevent burning while Aunt Sally prepared anchovies for the salad, Aunt Kathy kept a quiet vigil on the bottom step with kid or two, Aunt Rachel perched on her high stool at the foot of the staircase, close to the head of the table. Pop Pop sat in his recliner in the den, usually with Dad, Dupree or Uncle Tony making loud noises at some football game on the TV. Sam was usually into something or other in the living room and his name could be heard above all other sounds as grandma busily went about her preparations. Sometimes guests like Aunt Sweety would drop in with the drawl of a southern lady and her long sleeve shirts. I am filled with the memory of buttery, garlic smells wafting around the heated kitchen, and loud boisterous sounds as each Parker/ Barnett added their voice to any discussion, correction or general cursing at the TV.
Once coolness returned to the house, order to the kitchen, and everyone retreated to their respected bedrooms or homes to sleep off the Cajun feast, grandmother and I would play gin into the wee hours of the morning. It was not unusual for us to express shock at the passing of hours of shuffling, dealing, and counting cards or to hear the familiar coo coo of the old coo coo clock welcoming in the 2:00 AM hour. (Whatever happened to that old coo coo clock)?
What I am most grateful for is the time these late nights gave us together. The house had stillness and quiet which was so out of character in the typical Parker home, which usually bustled with loud voices, droning TV’s, or fussing kids. We talked about everything and nothing at the same time. It was there I learned the story of how Aunt Sally and Uncle Tony came to become a part of the family. Why we had to go visit Aunt Elaxena, and the short lived life of Grandma’s sister Dot and her widowed husband Uncle Sam. I learned the importance of family to Grandma, especially to Pop Pop who had a very unusual childhood spending most of his childhood in a military academy. I heard stories of the 16 year old grandma having gone a brief time to LSU before being swept off her feet by the dashing Charles W. Parker. I took in stories of my Dad as a young golden boy, athlete and officer in the Navy. I heard about Uncle Dupree and his troublemaking youth (probably pretty mild by today’s standards) and how the Navy straightened him out. The importance of service to ones country resonated in each story about Dad, Uncle Dupree or Uncle Jimmy or Pop Pop. I discovered the Baton Rouge of Grandma’s youth in tales of mischief with her friends, or living with Great Grandmother LaCombe. We discussed current events and I reveled in her generational wisdom. We also shared a love of reading and would talk briefly about books but often her books of choice were of the harlequin romance variety so not much was discussed. Grandma was most definitely a southern lady first and foremost. We touched on professional roles of women, discussing her court reporting business and the interesting encounters she had in the professional world. Her best financial advice to me preceding my marriage was, “have separate bank accounts.” A woman should have her own money; she was quick to assure me that Pop Pop was in full support of this. We talked about Grandmas daughter in laws, my mom, Aunt Kathy and Angela. She assured me that my mom who would always remain a part of the Parker family, and her words of praise demonstrated great respect, admiration and love for my mom. She praised Aunt Kathy’s gentleness and Angela’s colorfulness and was filled with joy that they were in her son’s lives.
It was also through the telling of these tales, told with such dramatic flair that only Grandma could pull off that I also learned about Grandma’s fears and vulnerabilities. Being a burden to her family, or not having full control of her mind was one of her greatest fears. Having taken care of Great Grandma LaCombe in her later years really made an impression on her and she and Pop Pop took steps to make sure they were not burdensome to their children. Her actions impressed upon me the importance of keeping my mind active and engaged throughout my life and having many interests made for interesting conversation.
Our gin games continued long after the Downing Drive home was sold and Grandma moved into St. James place. I got to hear stories of new interests and watched her continue to invent her life, even acquiring a boyfriend into her 70’s. How tickled she was with that and very surprised.
Grandma taught me how to be a strong woman while maintaining her feminine compassion. She was never one for a lot of make up, we all knew of her devotion to Lubriderm and the sensitivity of her skin, but she was intensely feminine in her choice of dress and the manner in which she carried herself. She loved being treated like a lady, and had a special fondness for little boys and men of all ages. No matter what trouble I was having with my husband Larry or children Ryan, Andrew or Brendon, she would usually take their side. On a rare occasion I witnessed Grandma taking up for Ryan who had gotten into some mischief against Pop Pop. Pop Pop knew when to retreat. She treated Brendon no differently because of his disability and appreciated his gentle spirit. I am so grateful for last summer when Andrew went to Baton Rouge with me and will cherish the memories of his interactions with Grandma as he conversed with her, laughed at her stories and help to feed her and work on her hands. We all saw the sparkle only a little boy could bring to Grandma’s eyes.
Today marks the celebration of the passing of a beautiful, courageous, woman. Grandma will forever hold a place in the lives of all she touched. Abraham Lincoln once said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” I believe Grandma decided a long time ago to be happy and she lived her life, through all its ups and downs in a way that demonstrated to all of us how to be happy, joyful, courageous, and content. I love you Grandma and I will miss you every day in this life and look forward to the day we will be together in the next.
Blessings and peace,
Michele

Paying Attention to the Voice Within on the Road

2010-03-31T19:20:00.000-07:00

Paying Attention to the Voice Within
March 27, 2010

What an amazing run today. I am visiting family in Louisiana. Usually I have to set out early if I am going to run here, the heat and humidity can be brutal. But today I had time to complete my new found ashtanga yoga practice with enough energy for a run. It had been raining all morning but by 10:00, the clouds had cleared and as I set out the sun was shining brightly, welcoming me to the experience with its warmth and clarity.

Warmth and clarity, two things I have been in search of. The air was fresh, with the slight aroma of freshness that usually follows a strong rain. As I wove my way around large puddles and skirted car splashes, I was grateful for the gift of present moment awareness. So often in life I forget where I am, what I am doing, and how my body feels in space, but not today. My senses were alive and my brain was pleasantly activated. What a gift.

As I wove my way toward home, I noticed a business sign saying something about “natural healing.” A woman was busy unloading items from here vehicle. I thought,
“I wonder what they do there.”
But instead of acting on my natural curiosity and the inner voice gently urging me to investigate, I kept running, because my curiosity was halted by my possible embarrassment in showing up at the door of the business, sweaty and in need of a glass of water. My spontaneity caused me another moment’s pause.
“How silly and stupid,” another voice in my head said.
I ran a little further, but the desire to stop and entertain my curiosity continued to speak inside me. I have come to recognize this desire as the divine inside me, and when it speaks, I am trying to listen. So I halted my run and made a u turn. I walked in.
“I was running by and I noticed you natural healing sign,” I said. “Would you mind telling me something about your practice?”
“Yes, yes, I noticed you run by,” the lady said.
She then proceeded to show me some pieces of equipment, patiently answering my questions. We had some back and forth conversation about nutrition, disability, magnesium, minerals, pharmaceuticals, the holistic medicine approach, non profits, and the economy. She showed me the results of chemical hair analysis, and explained the importance of natural salt. We compared stories and beliefs. She handed me some reading materials to take home as I wondered how I would carry the packet she gave me.
I left feeling joyful, grateful, and uplifted having met another sojourner on this road toward health and wholeness.

Running Through the Snow

2010-01-30T16:53:00.001-08:00

Running Through the Snow January 30, 2010

It’s cold out there and running in the cold is not one of my favorite things to do. In fact, my whole body braces against the chill. So I choose to head to the heated conditions of the treadmill at the YMCA. It was warm, and crowded, the steam almost rising from the concrete floor in direct contrast to the steamy cold swirling outside. Wanting to connect with the beauty of the whiteness of the falling snowflakes, I choose a treadmill close to the window.

I began my run in the usual contemplative fashion alternating between active prayer (the rosary, bible verses, and individual prayer intentions) and meditation (awareness of the breath, the physical sensations of my shoes hitting the rubber surface of the treadmill, my beating heart). Settling into rhythm and awareness of prayer and meditation, the snow floating outside the window kept it’s gentle call. I remained in awareness, and noticed rejection of the notion to simply head outside. “I didn’t dress for outdoor conditions,” my mind kept protesting, followed by the gentle response, “Yes, you have a sweatshirt and gloves. That will keep you warm,” my contemplative mind countered.

So I formulated a plan, fifty minutes in the warmth of the treadmill, 5 minutes outside. The excitement of doing something I don’t usually do propelled me out the door. The sharp contrast between my body dripping in the sweat of the treadmill run and the refreshing gasp of the chill air spurred me forward. I floated, almost effortlessly down the street, gliding with the wind. This was fun I remember thinking, exhilarating even. Then I had to turn a corner, heading uphill no less, into the wind. The contrast was not lost on me; warmth, exhilaration, energy with bracing chill, discomfort, escape.

How often life is like this run, I reflected. Sometimes life brings you warmth – a hug from a child, or loving words from a friend. Other times life brings you bracing chill – being let go from a job, a parent’s illness. Sometimes life brings you exhilaration – a successful completion of a project, or a new relationship. Other times life brings you discomfort – the flu, a messy house. Sometimes life events energize you – an acknowledgement of a job well done or discovery of a new talent. Other times the desire to escape overwhelms you – a drawn out divorce, or a long term disability. But in the midst of this run we call life, to be aware of all that it brings, the good, the less than good, I have noticed that showing up, being willing to take a risk and brace out into the chill always brings the presence of the divine. Like the run, the not so pleasant aspects – my uncovered ears, exposed legs, and chilled face – allowed me to recognize the more peaceful moments – the stillness of my surroundings, the freshness in the air, the gentle touch of the snowflakes. Awareness, willingness, and peace are the rewards for showing up, and taking the risk. There may be discomfort in awareness of the divine but the peace that comes is not to be missed.

Journey into the Prayer of Jabez: Day 1

2010-01-28T04:24:00.000-08:00

Journey into the Prayer of Jabez: Day 1
January 27, 2010

I decided in my morning devotional to read the prayer of Jabez: “Oh that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory….” ~1Chronicles 4:10

Enlarge my territory, give me more to do - more people to influence. I suppose the losing of something causes one to reevaluate their influence. Life often presents opportunities for the shedding away of something: an unhealthy relationship, job, bad habits, and this shedding, though painful at the time, is God’s way of telling us that whatever we were doing was not enlarging our territory. Instead of being discouraged, feeling rejected, or unworthy, we must have been doing what God desired us to do all along.

In the midst of a loss, it is necessary to change ones thinking in this direction, “I must be doing what God intends. He has been directing my path all along. He knows what I need and it is my faith in His almighty power that will carry me through this difficult loss.”

Losing something, or someone important to us is painful. The separation that often follows causes many questions and fears. The thing or person probably brought some joy, some excitement, or some sense of purpose to our lives. If the loss was unexpected then the questioning often begins, accompanied by regret, rejection or shame. “Why did this happen? What did I do wrong?”

But maybe there is another perspective God asks us to consider. Not the one of hopeless failure and despair, but maybe, just maybe the answer to a prayer. “Expand my territory,” we prayed and God answered, closing one door, yet opening at least one more. To realize we have no clue as to what this means, or where we are headed, yet to follow with action is the true meaning of faith. To have no idea what the expanded territory will look like is both exciting and scary. Perhaps our territory is so large, we only get to spend a short time in some places. All the more reason to enjoy where we are, to take full advantage of the present moment. God knows we tend to hang on a little longer that what is good for us. Perhaps he is saying, “I have more for you to do, a wider, deeper, larger territory in mind for you to cover. So I need you to move on. I am showing you the emergency exits right now. Follow them to the territory you asked for. Trust me.”

These are the words of comfort, hope and strength God offers. In reply he only asks us to say, “Yes God, I will go where you would have me go, see who you would have me see, do what you would have me do.” Now you have followed the words of Jabez, “Oh that you would bless me indeed and enlarge me territory…”

Just Do It

2010-01-22T04:15:00.000-08:00

Just Do It
January 22, 2010

“Just do it” has been useful to me in so many situations but especially when dealing with difficult life circumstances like illness, depression, job loss... The desire to stay in bed when facing a difficult emotion caused by some life circumstance is overwhelmingly strong. Thank God for Nike for coining this popular, simply stated mantra.

Recently I have found myself facing a difficult and very painful loss. The desire to run away, to hide, to pull the covers over my head has not been, interestingly enough, as strong as it has been in the past. That I attribute to my willingness to grow, to keep in close contact with God through faith and through exercising action.

I continue to practice courage, speaking out, and asking questions when they are needed and warranted in an effort to honor my voice. The world needs the difficult questions. The tricky part, the overwhelming confusing part of this life is how to play peacekeeper in the midst of so much pain and human suffering. How do you have the courage to raise the difficult questions often at the risk of rejection or even removal? Deep, passionate and strong feelings often rub up against others and can be perceived as contention instead of cooperation. Life can be difficult and often is. But the honoring of my own voice, the “Just do it” motto has been a useful tool in bringing the voice of peace to any hurt.

To Write Again - May We Be Peace

2010-01-15T12:41:00.000-08:00

To Write Again 1-14-10
I have missed my blog. I have been thinking about it often. But as so often happens, my life has taken a different direction and in the busyness I have been struggling to find time to blog. I am also involved in a new project and have been trying to figure out how to merge my interests in a way that will create something hopeful to write about. My blog is in transition. I have noticed what has happened with my writing and my blog is that once we completed the marathons together, my creative writing started to run out of steam. I was also so involved in academic writing that the part of my brain that thinks freely was becoming encumbered with the internal editor.

But the way to combat any transition phase along with the accompanying uncertainty, angst, and fear is to just begin. So here I am making a new commitment to writing again, to write as interestingly and hopefully as possible about my experiences with life once again.

May We Be Peace
What a strange phrase. To be peace… My recent journeys have brought this phrase to my conscious mind. I have my entire Catholic life prayed for peace. In mass I say, “Peace be with you.” “And peace be with you,” is the reply from the community. It is delivered first as a blessing on the community from the priest, and then extended as an individual blessing when each person shakes the hand of their neighbor and wishes them peace.
I can easily recall prayers of peace offered to God in times of trial, illness, wars, depression, etc. The endless list of human suffering offers a perfect opportunity to extend the gift of peace. The accompanying worry, angst, distress, pain seem to call out for relief through a feeling of peace. “Peace be with you,” seems not only humane, but absolutely necessary.
Most of us are comfortable with the offer of peace. As a culture of action, to do something, to offer words for example makes perfect sense. But what is less familiar and seems to be more difficult is this notion to be peace. Wow… now that seems absolutely divine.
Recently I discovered the phrase, being peace, in a book of the same name by Thich Nhat Hahn, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk and human rights activist. He believes that if we are not peaceful, if we do not know how to be peace, then we cannot share peace with others. This caused me to question in my own mind our practice of offering each other peace in such an automatic, non present way. How many times have I offered peace without the sense of being peace?
In my quest to grow and expand my spiritual condition, I have stumbled upon the method of mindfulness meditation. This is a method of quieting the mind, focusing on the present moment, connecting to the breath and the sensations in the physical body in order to be present in this moment right now with full acceptance of what is.
Through this practice of present awareness, I am discovering the sensations of my body, the feeling of being peace. I am able to recall what this journey of life is all about, an AH HA moment to be sure: To be peace in all aspects of my life, here now with whatever, with whomever, and whenever.
Luckily, life gives us plenty of moments to practice being peace, in the argument with my husband over who should give our son a bath, in trying to get my teenager to get out of bed to go to school, when my computer will not cooperate and allow me to send emails. In these moment of real life, of real struggle, of real angst to “be” peace seems impossible, yet paradoxically through the desire alone seems doable.
So for today, I will practice this idea of being peace, not praying for peace, bringing peace, seeking peace, or even having peace but simply to be.

The Act of Human Suffering

2009-10-23T21:06:00.001-07:00

October 23, 2009

“God, who creates and preserves all things, should make Jesus perfect through suffering.” ~Hebrews 2:10

In this verse the author of Hebrews tells us the natural order of suffering. Not even Jesus, God’s own son, was immune from it’s grips. In matters of the human experience we are all bound to experience levels of suffering.

Depression, mental illness, are labels inflicted on may to describe a human level of suffering and the darkness of the depths of depression. Hopelessness and unrest exemplify the human experience and embody the meaning of the word suffering. The only difference in diagnosis and the human experience it represents is the name humans, medical professionals, put on it.

To be so uncomfortable is a feeling human nature rails against. Of late, with my own mental illness, I have tried to embrace such darkness. I am learning, though often with barred knuckles, the humility and acceptance that is a part of who I have been created to be in order to be one with Jesus. I don’t like suffering and resist it’s grip. I don’t volunteer for the experience no matter how close it brings me to my creator. But I do know that in my own darkness Jesus allows me to be one with him. As a creation, perfect in it’s human flaws and the experience of darkness, Jesus comforts me.

When reading further in Hebrews the author speaks these words,

“And now He [Jesus] can help those who are tempted, because he himself was tempted and suffered.” ~ Hebrews 2:18

The temptation is to run away, but we can learn lessons from Jesus’ own experience. We may have been made to experience the darkness of suffering nestled deep within the human soul, but we are not made to do it alone.

Questions Lead Me to More Questions

2009-10-21T17:12:00.000-07:00

October 15, 2009

This morning I am sitting in a hotel room in beautiful Syracuse, NY. The sun is shinning brightly, a sharp contrast to yesterday’s rainy, cool bleakness. I feel a sense of hope, surrounded by Syracuse University. I am excited to be among a community of learners, I am comfortable, a simple word that conveys a deep feeling within me.

This is where questions are asked without judgment and celebration occurs with the discovery of answers. I am at home surrounded by teachers and students. The atmosphere is one of acceptance, excitement even. I am impressed by the effort made by the staff in making me feel welcome by carving out precious time to meet with me. I feel important and even courted!

As I was reflecting on my daily meditation I am once again reminded of God’s promise in the book of Luke. “Ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” ~Luke 11:9. I have lately been asking, seeking and knocking. This is a period of transition for me, my children are growing toward greater independence, my marriage is changing, and my interests are expanding. I have so many questions.

The quest for answers has let me to further my education and I have been investigating higher education as an option for the next half of my professional life. Syracuse University is where God has let me today, just for today, to ask. In their search for answers students and teachers alike discover the answer to the challenging questions of social justice. In my search for answers, I have been expanding my understanding of disability across lifespan; How community attitude plays a role in acceptance, how to change policy and law to give persons with disability opportunity to succeed and be productive members of society, how fear plays a role in blocking an attitude of acceptance, where to best put my efforts in order to affect change, what are the strategies that work and those that don’t , when are individuals and community ready to make needed change.

In my search I have asked these questions: How do we create “Schools of Promise” where all students are included, belong and have equal opportunity to learn? Where are we with regard to inclusive practices in higher education? How can we make the system better? Should government be involved in reviewing medical decisions involving persons with disability? Where are we in education since the Brown vs. The Board of Education decision that guaranteed all students regardless of disability the right to public education? Why are people with disabilities still the largest group of unemployed citizens? How can we position health care in such a way it doesn’t discriminate against those that are forced to use it? Why do we still see disability as something that we cannot relate to and affects the “other” person? Will we ever put in place policies and practices that value the contribution of all persons regardless of their limitations? Are we really that much different?

I am not sure I will get the answers to all these questions and each time I ask one question I come up with five more I didn’t ask. When the asking, seeking, and knocking are done, then I know I have done all I could!

Call to Action - Part 1

2009-10-13T10:33:00.000-07:00

“Be strong and courageous and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task for the Lord God, my God is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. He will see to it that all the work related to the temple of the Lord is finished correctly.”
~1Cronicles 28:20

These are words spoken by King David to his son Solomon as he was instructed to complete the task David started: to finish the Temple to house the Ark of the Covenant. God had instructed David to gather all the materials, each carefully selected and stored. But David was not to build the temple, that task would be left to his son. David recognized that Solomon would need words of encouragement if her were to complete this daunting task. Solomon would need to know that if he continued with the task god had instructed him to do; god would give him the strength and courage to follow it to completion.

How many times do we need this same encouragement? Many! Beginning something that seems big, with an uncertain outcome can be frightening. To be fearful is a normal reaction to an unfamiliar task. We ask ourselves, “How will I ever manage to complete this? Am I really supposed to do this?” Our typical response is to stop the progress, to run away, to quit, giving up. Wee justify our actions by claiming, “I wasn’t supposed to do that anyway. Someone else can do it better. I just don’t have the time.” We allow our fear to take over; we forget that if God is with us, if we are doing god’s work in our lives he will give us the strength to follow our plans to completion.

If tragedy, illness, or poor choices come into our lives God offers us hope. He recognizes being human is often difficult. Life can place some very challenging situations in our path: death, illness, disability, divorce. We will often make mistakes in the way we choose to handle these situations. We become absorbed by the self and we forget we are to do God’s work. If life is falling apart, God gives us a way out. We are responsible to rebuild our lives. God gives us all the tools to do that. He wants us to value ourselves and build a “Temple” in which he can dwell.

God also asks us to build temples in community. God didn’t leave David or Solomon to do the enormous task in front of them alone. He gave them thousands of followers to do the task. Each individual person was to play a vital role in bringing the task to completion. I am seeking to build a temple within my community. It has become my vocation to work toward the betterment of the lives of those with disability. For too long they and their families have lived in social isolation, being rejected in the communities of church, work and school. Those with disability and their families long to participate in activities with others, however physical and attitudinal barriers often keep them from doing so. As a parent of a child with a disability and inclusion specialist I have experienced these things in my own life as I struggle to participate. What is preventing your workplace, school, or church from designing fully inclusive environments that honor individual differences?

We can remember and use the instructions David gave his son Solomon as he was instructing him on how to build the temple. We can be assured that God will see to it that the work we set out to do in service to him will be finished correctly. We can be assured as we go out in service to God and work to build our lives, communities, churches and schools to be temples in which God resides that: “Every part of this plan… was given to me in writing from the hand of the Lord.” ~1Chronicles 28:19

Giving up the Fight

2009-09-26T06:28:00.000-07:00

Most recently I was reading a writer’s interpretation of the Prayer of Jabez. Hidden in one of the bible’s briefest biographies is the story of a man determined to be a gimper for God. A gimper is someone that does a little more than what is expected or required. Jabez was such a person. He prayed a little more that what was expected, what was required and God expanded his purpose as a result.

In the reading today, I noticed that in his final request: “Oh… keep me from evil,” Jabez is asking to be kept out of the fight. In a culture consumed with competition this seems an odd request. Don’t we want to win the fight? Shouldn't’t we “fight the good fight"? How can we possibly stop fighting, our freedoms will be lost, our streets will be unsafe, our lives will be threatened or lost. But God calls us to take a different path. Like Jabez, he asks us to stay away from the competition that threatens to consume us in the modern way of living.

We are familiar with stories of patients fighting their illness, or people fighting for their rights. Our courts are filled with fighting plaintiffs and armed defendants standing ready. Our county continues to ask us to fight for our freedom. What exactly has all this fighting gotten us?

We stand angry at school doors ready to attach the very people that can help. We stand ready in courtrooms to defend our rights condemning our offenders to imprisonment. We stand armed on battlefields ready to shoot, killing and maiming our enemy. We stand ready in hospital beds ready putting up or armor, shielding us from death.

All this fighting has taken a toll on our bodies, minds and even more importantly our spirits. We no longer accept the difficulties of our lives with God’s helping hand because we are too busy spraying our bullets at our opponent.

In Alcoholics Anonymous one is told to “cease fighting anything and anyone…” The recovering alcoholic learns to lay down his weapons of defense, he is able to surrender, and give over his life to a higher power that has the ability to take away the desire to drink. We can learn many lessons from the recovering alcoholic as well as Jabez. God calls us to stay away from evil forces, those that threaten our sanity, our dignity and our lives.

Fighting always, always implies a winner and a looser. Someone comes in first, someone comes in last. In the lions den a warrior knows he cannot afford to come last. The key is to stay out of the lions den in the first place. If you don’t show up for the fight, there can be no fight. The opponent is forced to go home.

Sometimes there are situations when you cannot avoid the conflict. God is not asking us to bow before anyone or anything that is causing harm or injury. He is asking us to avoid the evil thoughts and places if we can that will lead us to defensiveness and evil. He is asking us to surrender our power to him, the only one that has the power to defend us. He is asking us to not go it alone, thinking we are the only hope for our children, our country, our families and ourselves. He compels us to rely solely on Him to rid us of our competitive nature. With God there are no winners and losers, no better or worse, no either or. With the power of God there is only rest, strength, acceptance. We are compelled to live as Jabez did, staying away from evil and being a gimper for God's work.

The Power of Others to Demonstrate God's Healing Presence During Times of Illness

2009-09-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

"As it happened, Publius' father was ill with fever and dysentery. Paul went in and prayed for him, and laying his hands on him, he healed him. Then all the other sick people on the island came and were cured." ~Acts 28:8-9

What does healing look like?
Who are the people called to be prayer angels while laying their hands on us? Experiencing a recent illness, I am very aware of the faith that is required to trust God's grace during this period of uncertainty and physical and emotional unrest. It is especially during times of illness that we are closest to God, relying on his strength.

In this passage God gives us the instructions for getting back to wellness (whatever that looks like for each individual, and often only revealed to us looking back.)

God calls us to:
Trust his judgment while we rely on others. Theses periods when we do not get to experience total health and wellness we are to rely on those who love and care for us to be “God with skin on.” He asks us to lift our voices to the heavens while keeping our feet planted firmly on the earth. Sometimes that is all our loved ones can remind us to do. God says, "Others are sent remind you I am there."

God asks of us:
To rely on the power of healing touch. Physical touch is one of the most powerful social wellness tools we can bring out of our tool box of solutions. It invites us to be in community with others in our time of suffering. Allowing others to put their hands on us requires a certain vulnerability most are uncomfortable with. God says again, “Ask others to give healing touch in your life.”

It is through the power of spiritual connectedness with God and others in our lives that our physical and emotional selves experience the healing that Paul demonstrated in this gospel. We must not fear going to God as Publius' father did with openness, willingness and a faithful heart. We must become faithful, willing and open asking God to send us people to become a healing presence in our life. Experience the healing touch of God's own hands through the physical presence of others.

The Power of Others to Demonstrate Gods Healing Presence During Times of Illness

2009-09-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

When to Teach a Child Self Advocacy and Self Determination

2009-09-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

When should I begin to teach my child to advocate for his needs? How can I instill in my child the principles of self determination? What role should I play in my child’s life as he grows toward the independence of adulthood? These are questions parents begin to ask about any child but are particularity critical questions for parents as their child with a disability begins to reach adulthood. I would like to encourage parents to begin to ask these questions now at whatever age their child is. I began to really consider the role my son would play in his own life as a person with a disability living independent from me when he turned 8 years old.

At that time I started my own business in which I work individually with parents on issues relating to school and employment. I began to speak at conferences and develop workshops on how to be more inclusive and practice the principles of wellness. As I was traveling and learning about various issues relating to disability (independent living, programs and services, health care, caregiver support, employment, etc.) I began to wonder… Why aren’t I including my son in what is to be his life as an adult? Am I preparing him for the complexity of living with a disability in the adult world? And as I started assessing my actions I began to realize that I needed to begin now to expose him to the people and programs that would most likely be a part of his adult life.

I have always been a proponent of the principles of self determination: Freedom, Authority, Support, Responsibility. How will our children learn these principles, critical in their enjoyment of independence in adult life if we as parents and loved ones do not take the lead role in promoting them? Children and their families cannot rely on the school or other public institutions to play the lead role in this vital rite of passage into adulthood for every child regardless of having a disability. As parents we know that having a disability presents some unique challenges for our children. Transportation, attitudes, discrimination, lack of information and opportunity and/or educational challenges are just a few of the things that parents have been handling for the most part for their children. Many of these challenges will continue to present themselves as our children reach the age of adulthood. My son has two older brothers and I have not had to spend as much time in preparation for their roles as young men in the community as I have had to prepare my child with a disability. So I decided I needed to start the preparation now.

The community is slowly coming to realize that persons with disability are going to be part of their everyday experience. Parents have played a key role in bringing about this realization. It was parents and those that cared for their children that have insisted in full community participation. We have demanded at times that our children have all the same opportunities their “typical” peers have had. We sent them to school, took them to church, dragged them to the grocery store, dropped them off at camp and daycare and took them to friends homes, often having to overcome some huge obstacles to get them there.

I came to realize that I would not be doing my child any favors if I did not teach him how to interact with what would become his world of independence. I understood the trepidation that many parents feel in exposing their child to social situations and interacting in community. We have had, like most parents I know, frustrating and often painful experiences being in public places. There is the lack of accessible parking or someone taking a spot that they have no right to have, there are the fearful looks from others when we show up to participate, there are the innocent and not so innocent questions about our child’s disability or the use of some type of equipment, there are the comments about not knowing what to do, or having the “expertise” to handle our children (as if they are ponies in a fair or elephants in a circus).

So I began to look for ways in which my child could practice the principles of self determination. Freedom, Authority, Support, and Responsibility.

Freedom: I began to take him to conferences relating to disability and insisted the school include these experiences in his individual education plan.

Authority: I sought out opportunities in my community to get to know legislators, and administrators being sure to bring his picture or introduce him if he was with me. This proved to be particularly helpful when a piece of legislation comes up in which my child is directly affected.

Support: When we had a problem in our community, we discussed it, decided if it was worth pursuing and if it was made a plan to address the problem. Recently my son had an issue with a playground surface that was not accessible to him. He drafted a letter in which we mailed to those that had the authority to change it.

Responsibility: My son knows in a general way the goals on his individual school plan and when he thinks something is not right he discusses it with me. If there is a problem or violation he is encouraged to bring it to the attention of his teachers.

It has not always been easy for me to let go of the reigns and allow him to discover the independence he will need. I have had to be open and willing to share my child with a community that may or may not accept him. I have had to let him discover some of the obstacles he will face as an adult and sometimes that is painful. I have had to put aside my own expectations and ask him what is important to him. And I have had to remind myself that this journey of being a person with a disability is his to lead, and I am but a special guest on his journey. I am encouraged by the things he is learning and certain of the action I am taking. I have no doubt that he will be OK, that he will have the tools to interact in his community and he will be just fine living as an adult without me. It is the foundation I am laying right now at a young age that will make this a reality for him.

So... When should I begin to teach my child to advocate for his needs? Right now. How can I instill in my child the principles of self determination? Through including him in activities in which he can practice the principles. What role should I play in my child’s life as he grows toward the independence of adulthood? The role of teacher, supporter and model.

It is a wonderful journey and one in which I am privileged to be a part of!

Spirituality through Community

2009-08-22T13:07:00.000-07:00

Living the spiritual life is obtained through living in community. Spirituality is often discovered in solitude through meditation, reading, thinking, etc. but it can only be fulfilled in community. We were designed to live in relationship with others. Spirituality as Kurtz and Ketcham (The Spirituality of Imperfection, 1992) describe “ is nurtured in community, the oneness with others that springs from shared vision and shared goal, shared memory and shared hope.”

It is through the sharing of stories, one to another that relationship is built. Often because of the work I do, I get the opportunity to share, be a participant in another person’s story. It is through these relational encounters that I get to share the heartache and pain evident in another’s experience. Participation in support groups, having coffee with a friend, joining an online group chat are just a few ways in which we connect in community through shared stories.

Often we reach out for advice and support. Often our own pain is evident in dialogue. Seeking the support of a community not only gives one a listening ear but also a forum for discovering solutions. This is the role community plays in the fulfillment of our spiritual purpose. Hopefully our encounters with others offer peace. This is the nature of spiritual community involvement.

No one can fully understand another person’s pain, only God. He hears us in the darkness of our anxiety, sits with us in our frustration and anger, and calls us to faith. This is what spirituality in solace does for us. It is through this silent reflection that we are able to reach beyond our own distress in faith to bring to community our deepest fears.

As a parents of a children with disability, it is through the development of safe relationships that we are able to gather the energy to keep doing what we must do for our children. As parents we carry this safety and faith to others that do not understand in an attempt to get for our children what they need. We move from our own community of support (in the special mom's support group) to the greater community in their unknowing.

There is no greater pain than that of a parent watching their child suffer and being powerless to help. So often we reach out in anger because we are consumed with pain. Stories often demonstrate a parent’s powerlessness. What parents need from community is to feel safety in sharing their stories with others without judgment, defensiveness, or apathy from those that have the power to offer solutions. No person likes to be dependent on others, being humble is difficult for most people. However, when you are vulnerable, as people with disability and their parents are, you have little choice. In my experience I had to reach beyond the four walls of my own home and ask and accept the help of others, often strangers. This can be the ultimate action of faith, to reach out despite fear, frustration, and anger in the hope of discovering community support. It has often yielded positive results and the fulfillment of spirituality.

Sometimes reaching out as an act of faith can yield less than favorable results, as the following story demonstrates. Being humble, asking for community support no matter what the outcome is the work of the spirit. For no matter what the response is there is one that holds all our answers. God is the only one who knows what is in the heart of everyone even the person or community that seems less than welcoming.

As a former educator, I learned about research based, result oriented approaches to intervention. “An emphasis on parent involvement has given way to a family-centered approach in which families have the power to direct the service that they and their children, receive.” (Partnerships with Families, Stoneman and Rugg) This is not always practiced in the systems approach to interventions. It is often forgotten that first: families care deeply about their children. Second: families want to do what they need to do to help their children and be cooperative but often are consumed with grief and distress over some condition relating to their child’s disability. And third and most importantly: we are dealing with human beings, subject to all the complexities that entails. Remembering this, whether there is agreement or not (healthy conflict as Parker Palmer describes) the best interest of all involved, a seeking to understand that which cannot be understood fully we participate in the spiritually of community.

Embracing the Darkness

2009-08-02T12:07:00.000-07:00

Embracing the Darkness
August 2, 2009

I have turned a corner, moved out of the place I call “the darkness of the soul” – the place medical professionals call depression. Most of us at one time or another have experienced some type of depression whether situational (evoked by some painful or distressing life event” or medical (clinical in nature). The dark place is uncomfortable, frustrating and most of all frightening. But it can paradoxically be a place of rest. It is the place where God’s presence is most near, however one must be willing to experience depression in order to feel the healing touch of God. It is not something that one can run from. It must turn into something to be embraced.

The first time a friend suggested embracing depression, I was adamantly against experiencing God in this way. I thought she was crazy and truly did not understand the depth of darkness I experience during these times. After a period of prayerful consideration and a willingness to consider the possibility of embracing all that I am (light and darkness), I began to consider the implication of learning to do this. It would mean accepting a part of me that I really didn’t enjoy, welcome or like. Accepting myself, just as God does – completely and without condition, blame or perfection!

I began to consider with this depressive episode to learn to embrace the darkness. Experience has taught me that the dark corners of my soul would not last forever, and God would move me through it with a new found appreciation for the light when it showed up.

For three days I stayed home, slept a lot read mindless books and watched TV. I also prayed though I had no words. I cannot say I was comfortable, I was enjoying myself in the darkness but I can say I had a measure of peace that God truly was present.

I was able to consider some changes in my life, with relationships, with friends and family, with my professional career and all the obligations I had. Things continue to change as I enter into a different life transition. At this time - entering middle age, children growing, career changing - I enter into a period of discernment as to what God wants me to do. This has been emotional and difficult for me in many ways, the uncertainty and change. This is also a time of excitement and opportunity, even adventurous. My own emotions have been up and down. It is easy to be in a state of depression, but to stay focused on God’s plan, uncertain to me, but perfect in his world requires faith, energy and constant awareness of divine presence.

I cannot fully say that I have embraced my depression but I can say I have gone through another shedding – of fear, anxiety, restlessness. For today I am renewed in God’s love and am at peace. I enter once again to the light in renewed energy for the work God has planned for me.

Blessings and peace to all who face uncertainty, fear and depression.

MIRACLES

2009-07-02T04:00:00.000-07:00

Miracles
July 2, 2009

Any parent of a child with a disability has struggled with the concept of miracles. Often we are told to have faith, to pray and some are even so bold to suggest that if we do these things then God will “heal” our special needs child. These comments, I believe usually, are given from a place of trying to help but instead demonstrate a true ignorance of the person making the comment. Usually such narrow-minded views left me to feel “less than”, and inadequate in my ability and lacking in faith. I, like the well intentioned, succumbed to the well felt fear of the future and the outcome.

No one can understand another’s struggles or even if someone is struggling. Comments are given from our own place of not knowing what is needed by another person, our own interpretation of the situation. From another’s perspective I can see how my situation with Brendon seems unimaginable. I have gone through bouts of uncertainty and doubt through my own ignorance of the experience, the outcome and my own ability to do what would be needed. Having a child with a disability is not something I would have chosen for my life. (I have come to greatly admire those that I have met that choose through adoption or foster care to welcome those with disabilities into their homes and lives.) I now know that this attitude comes from my own fear of the unknown and I believe others have the same fear. How can you trust something that seems so difficult, that presents so many challenges and that is not the norm, something that presents so many unknowns.

Today I was reading in my daily meditation about Jesus’ miracles. In the new testament there are some three dozen recorded miracles performed by Jesus. Miracles of healing (the healing of the paralyzed hand ~ Mark 3: 1- 6) , of meeting a need (changing water into wine at the wedding) or coming to someone’s rescue (walking across the lake during a storm to comfort the frightened disciples). Each time he is responding with compassion to the fears and suffering of others. But what if someone is not suffering?

There was a point in Brendon’s life when I experienced great suffering, going through the process of grief and loss was difficult and painful. But during this time Brendon did not appear to be experiencing any pain, loss, or suffering. He was happy, content, and loved. God didn’t need to “heal” Brendon because he was already healed. Eventually through a great deal of prayer and meditation, through talking with others, and through willingness to trust the process I was able to be “healed” of my fear. I learned to appreciate the great gift Brendon was in not only my life but the lives of many others. God spoke to me through Brendon when I began to look through my tears and pay attention to his happiness. God used Brendon as a vehicle for my own healing.

If I were to ask Jesus for one miracle today, what would that be? I am not sure how to answer this question. If “healing” in the common form of the word (Brendon getting up from his wheelchair and walking across the room for example) would change Brendon, make him someone else, change his humble and patient personality, I am not sure I would ask Jesus to allow Brendon to “walk”. I think, when I honestly reflect on this question, I would ask Jesus to heal me and Brendon from our fear and to touch the lives of others so that they too could appreciate Brendon for the true miracle he is.

Encountering Obstacles

2009-06-26T03:02:00.001-07:00

Sometimes life can be difficult. People, and circumstances cause frustration, disappointment, and hurt. I have come to believe that most of the time people do not do things out of spite and vindictiveness but out of a un knowing. Who among us can truly know all that one person is feeling or facing, none on this early but only God. That can make encounters with others difficult to say the least. I have been confronted with difficult attitudes many times this summer. Brendon is home for the summer and I am enjoying spending time with him and just doing fun things like Vacation Bible School, swimming at the pool, and going to the library. We have had a busy summer, but it has not been without social challenge.

It seems to be that everyday I take him out there is some attitudinal barrier I have to face, a barrier that comes from an unknowing on another’s part, but that does not seem to make the feelings of frustration, anger and hurt disappear. Going to vacation bible school has been such an accepting event for us, the staff and volunteers have been most gracious and we have not been met with what I term “the look”, that expression we encounter when Brendon shows up in a wheelchair seeming to be so different from what others are used to. Most parents of special needs kids know “the look” well. It was the getting into the building that presented the challenge. On numerous occasions cars were illegally parked in the “accessible parking” spaces (what is now the preferred term for the “handicapped parking” spaces). This is not a new problem we often face, but it is one that continues to occur and thus causes great frustration. Sure I know the person usually thinks they are just going to zip in and out of the space and no harm will be done. But in the time they take to zip in, we are searching for a safe place to park our car. Knowing the person usually is not performing their action as some sort of vendetta against me does not seem to help the feelings that seem to rise to the surface with this simple action.

(continued…)

2009-06-24T04:57:00.000-07:00

The Changing Role of a Mom
(Struggling to Define My Part in Helping My Child Reach Manhood)

Lately I have been suffering from a writing dry spell (evident from my lack of posts). I have been running gathering little inspiration and have been just trying to get through the day to day challenges that seem to be rapidly firing at me. I have been consumed with life’s challenges, “living life on Life’s terms” as I’ve heard from program friends. This has forced me to once again turn to God for direction and answers. If you “truly have formed my inmost being” as Psalm 139:13 says than I must have trust that you will guide me through this new phase of parenting if only I turn toward you.

I quickly realized I was going to have to redefine my role as parent to my oldest son. I thought I was prepared but little did I know the emotional roller coaster I would enter into as my oldest son came home after completing his freshman year of college (making the Deans list I must add). From the moment he entered the door chaos erupted. His entrance should have been my first clue that something was going to happen, and most likely it wasn’t going to be good! He entered our home dropping smelly shoes, dirty underwear and a vast array of boxes, bags, and containers spilling over with junk, making a trail toward his “old” room. He, and I hate to admit, I had assumed that things would go on as usual. He assuming his home was his home, and he could reside here under any circumstance and I assuming that I would have some control over his activities and comings and goings.

This was not to be the case. He resisted every “rule”, every restriction and boundary. Mass chaos erupted and I hate to admit I played a part in the drama. I had no idea what to do, what was within the ranges of “normal” and what was not. I struggled to define my new role as my young adult son’s mother. I thought I knew what to expect. I have friends that have gone through this. I listened to their stories. I thought I was prepared. But to prepare for an emotion that has yet to happen I discovered is impossible. Sure you can listen to those friends, take their suggestions and be affirmed that good, bad, or ugly you will get through it.

If I believe that God truly has formed my inmost being than I had to have faith and once again trust the inmost being God formed for my son. I had to accept that he would make lots of mistakes, mistakes made by every human being walking the face of the earth since the beginning of time. Unfortunately we learn the most valuable lessons not through the experience of others, their mistakes, shortcomings and successes but through our own. We must each journey on our own path and no two paths are exactly the same. Others can help us on the way sharing their experience, strength and hope but only God knows our inmost being and we are here to discover that which he has installed in us. Only God, since he hold the blueprint of our development can guide us to discover those places within ourselves yet to be discovered.

As I enter into this new role, I am finding I am making lots of mistakes, they seem to be the same mistakes made by parents since the beginning of time. It is difficult, painful and exhausting. Sometimes there appears to be no end to the process but on other days there appears to be a glimmer of hope as I see my son not resisting me as strongly and would actually do something I asked him to do.

My solution as I have found in any difficult and painful life situation is to turn toward God. I have relied partly to my running meditation. God is directing my feet as I have logged in many exerting miles on the road. I am finding that my running is more intense, more difficult and I am sweating profusely. This is giving me some relief. I have also been talking to those that have gone before me and actually trying to listen to their experience. Finding a sympathetic ear has offered some relief. Each of these activities keeps directing me toward God for my answers and has allowed me to trust the process knowing that only God know my path and the path of my son. He will guide me and him no matter what the choices we make and if we allow him, he will give us peace. I am beginning to learn this and feel Gods loving hand on my shoulder. My prayer is that my son also feel this love.

Blessings to all my running cohorts, and my moms struggling to discover their new role.

June 24, 2009
Trust, commitment, perseverance, acceptance

Where I Draw My Strength

2009-05-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

Close to the time of the death of Jesus, scripture tells us he made this final request to his father: "My father, it is possible, take this cup of suffering from me, yet not what I want, but what you want." Jesus was in a place of resignation within his own heart, a place of acceptance of what was to come, a willingness to fulfill his purpose yet he demonstrated all the fear a human faces when in a difficult situation. Knowing the great suffering he will endure, he chose to display courage fan faith. He was not acting on his own will or to save himself but on the principle of service. He gives his very life in service to others.

What an incredible life lesson this is. We can all learn much about willingness in spite of physical or emotional pain. If we choose we can take the attitude, there is a greater plan for our lives- one that includes service to others. Service that is often difficult, painful and inconvenient. This is the only type of service that truly matters. Service to our fellows.

Having a child with a disability is not always easy, and a parent faces a lot of pain, especially in the beginning as they face diagnosis and loss of what they though parenting was going to be and many times loss of dreams. I parent goes through a grief process and those that know grief know how difficult it is. One difference in grieving a live child is that things can change with a child, the child can develop a complication, get a new diagnosis, face a new challenge and the grief can begin again. How long a person stays in a stage of grief depends on the person and I believe their spiritual connection and support of others, those with similar challenges as well as trusted friends, family, medical and service workers.

Once I got to a place of acceptance initially there was a peace, a knowing that God was caring for my child as well as me and I didn't have to try to control that which I had no control of. I was able to let go of "what it was supposed to be" and enjoy the blessing my son has been in my life and the effect he has on the lives of others. I have found going through grief once, getting to acceptance has increased my faith making the grief process a little easier to go through if things change with my son.

Working as a consultant in the field of wellness and disability gives me ample opportunity to be of service in challenging old ways of thinking, attitudes and barriers which cause a great deal of stress, anxiety and fear. Recently we began an inclusion ministry at our church. I am committed to bring awareness and serving as a resource. I have had the fortune to see God touching the hearts of others who are also committed to this work. It is easy to do things as they have always been done whether it makes sense or not, whether it helps others or not. But to challenge old ways and to initiate change takes the diligent commitment toward following a plan of one greater than me and I often look to scripture for direction. Like Jesus at times I wish this "cup" would pass me by because my experience has many painful rejections (from the very administration of my faith community which has been most painful). But this rejection spurs me on as I am comforted by the words of Jesus, "thy will not mine be done." I have faith that the work I do, the lives I touch and the people I help are all part of my vocation, the job God has for me. To be so clear on my purpose I find is the greatest of blessings.

YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION

2009-04-27T03:55:00.001-07:00

YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION

April 27, 2009
Reflections on the Kentucky Derby Marathon

Yeah, Brendon and I finished together the Kentucky Derby ½ Marathon on April 25, 2009. Just he and I together and the faith in God with the encouragement of my fellow runners. It was an amazing celebration of months of training, hours of praying and courage to share my son with others. At first I was afraid, the race was crowded: “Would I clip the heals of my fellow runners?” “Would we be pulled off the course even though we had permission to run.” Would I make it on my own pushing Brendon 13.1 miles up hills, in the heat and through the pain?” Despite my fears, I had the courage to act. This is what courage is, the ability to act despite fear, to have faith, to trust that “all is well.” Courage is not an emotion but an action!

The experience was awesome. God gave me the ability to move forward despite the pain. The first 4 miles were hilly, and I mean really hilly. I felt like some cartoon character pushing a boulder up a steep hill with my nose. But despite the difficulty, I took time to take in the scenery. To enjoy the shade of the trees going through Iroquois Park, running through Steeplechase (being spurred on my the commentary of sports broadcasters calling the race), past the beautiful homes and even the recovery houses, the poorer sections of town. The crowds as well as the runners were diverse and I loved that. I enjoyed To appreciate the encouraging words of my fellow runners. They spurred Brendon and I on with words, I believe, were sent by God to help alleviate my fear of not being accepted on the course. Words such as, “What an amazing job you are doing.” “I can barely run this marathon myself, much less pushing a stroller.” “Keep going.” And from the crowd, looks of surprise from the children, smiles from the adults, and high fives whenever we could reach out. We heard things such as, “Look at that.” “Wow.” And “Keep it up, you’re doing a great job.”

Even more than the words of my fellow runners, I enjoyed Brendon. I engaged in conversation with him, listened to his humming and cheerleading, and calling out, “Passing on the right.” I appreciated his enjoyment of the experience: waving at the crowds, splashing water on him to cool him off (did I mention it was really hot), and we even got to run through a fire hydrant. When the last three miles threatened to do me in, I told myself the goal was to enjoy the experience and just to finish. I conserved energy for the big sprint at the end, always Brendon and my favorite part. At one point I had a certainty that I would finish but I wasn’t sure I would have enough to sprint strongly at the end. It was Brendon’s unselfish concern, “Mommy are you ok?” and “It’s ok if we don’t go fast at the end,” that moved me forward. And we end strong and fast, really fast. It was amazing! Thank you God again for the burst of energy , for the courage and for the gift of my strong legs.

Often having a child with a disability can be difficult but it is hours like this (we finished in 2:52:38, under 3 hours my goal.) that spur us on to the finish line, keep us moving forward, allow us to keep working to allow others to be inspired. It is my prayer that I can remember that God sends me inspiration and encouragement when I need it. He has allowed others to share their gifts with me and he has allowed me to share my gifts with others. I was gifted with the physical strength to run. Brendon was gifted with the spiritual gift to offer encouragement and compassion. And the runners shared their inspiration.

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Perseverance

2009-04-19T06:51:00.000-07:00

Today in my meditation I was reading about perseverance in the book Running Within by Jerry Lynch and Warren Scott Interestingly I was reading a section on Perseverance This is one of my sections in my book about my journey toward acceptance of my son's disability and the lessons I have learned.

As a mother of a child with a disability and a marathon runner it is necessary toward acceptance and fulfillment that I learn the lessons of persistence. As quoted in the book

Talent accounts for 5 percent of most achievements. It usually takes 5 years of consistent training before you come to your own as a runner.

I had never heard this but I agree fully! When I took up running, I learned that it took commitment and perseverance to continue. I have found that setting a goal toward a marathon or even toward physical health requires me to run no matter what. Often I find myself not wanting to run! To skip the training because I don't feel like it, the weather, lack of time, other more important things to do, etc. the excuses are limited. Running often doesn't make me feel great when in the middle of it. In fact more often than not this is the case. When I committed this year to run as a spiritual medium, I learned that I can run as a prayer and the dedication to this activity often is something I don't want to do because it is often uncomfortable, painful, and creates a lot of fear. But the perseverance has allowed me to increase my spiritual connection to God, to learn the lessons of faith. Often I do not know what my life plan is but I keep on the road toward doing the work of God (hello everyone it is difficult because it often requires change!) I have learned that it is supposed to be this way. Jesus didn't have a picnic of a life, it wasn't fun, and it was incredibly painful. This is necessary toward the faithful journey. Does my life really express the beliefs and morals I proclaim to have? Only the action that is required allows this to happen.

I have also found that having a child with a disability requires the same perseverance, dedication and commitment. And when I look back I realize that it does take about 5 years!

Giving up is not part of the journey toward faith. Persistence, commitment and dedication are the requirement but the rewards and connection toward a spiritually fulfilling life, toward living the life that God intends is well worth the struggle.

Blessings on your road!

New Sights on the Run, Florida Vacation

2009-04-19T06:42:00.001-07:00

New Sights on the Run

April 11, 2009

This week Andrew and Brendon and I spent the week at the beach for spring break! We came with Angie and her girls and Benjamin. It was great. I got to run three days. The first two days it was cool, perfect weather for running, even needed a long sleeve shirt.

Angie’s condo is on the marina with a path and I ran around that as well as the neighborhood. I love running in new places, looking at new things. This is a huge complete with little bungalows, lots of boats, pools and condos. Even early in the morning there were people out walking their dogs. For the most part they were friendly, I waved to everyone. I like to wave to people but after awhile it gets distracting.

I am so grateful, I even got my 10 miles in, the last long run before the marathon. I did that two days ago and the weather was nice then, one of the cool days. I’m glad for the willingness to keep going, originally I was going to put it off until today. I prayed for willingness and it came.

Today was typical Florida weather, warm and muggy. I was dripping almost from the first moment I set out the door. Of course I also forgot my sweat cloth and sweat was dripping from my face into my eyes. I drenched my shirt also. Oh well, it felt good to get back and take a good shower.

It is so great to enjoy this time away from the daily tasks of life. I really needed it!

24 Days to Go!

2009-04-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

24 DAys until the Kentucky Derby 1/2 marathon. I am so ready. This week I have 10 miles in my long run and I keep putting it off!

Putting things off... I really never thought of myself as a procrastanator but I guess I fit the profile on occassion... making excuses, finding other things to do, doing nothing, classic symptoms of sloth. Running in a lot of ways is like my life. The things I dread, don't want to do but have to do, are hard, take time, effort and energy I will tend to put off as long as I can. But when it gets uncomfortable and I begin to feel guilty, unproductive and irritable.

Prayers do a lot to move me into willingness. I have found that it only takes a small spark of willingness to push me into action. On the road tomorrow 5 miles and 10 this weekend! Happy procrastonating!

Running of the Fools

2009-03-29T05:58:00.001-07:00

A race, a 5K finished with speed (for me), exhilaration, relief and a little exhaustion. But it was a strong finish, I always save something for the end so that I can sprint in and look like the race was effortless.

I managed to corral Andrew into going with me. He was reluctant, and a little out of shape. We set the goal to run together but with him not engaging in much exercises since wrestling ended I was a little skeptical but he had made the commitment, and I was impressed with this. I was so appreciative that he would get up that early.

We set out, I encouraged and coached him to start out slow so he would have something to sustain him throughout. I knew from the start it was going to be rough on him. About 1/4 a mile in he was struggling and about 1/2 mile in he was pretty much done. He told me he wanted to walk that I could go on. I asked him if he was sure and he said yes. I admired his selflessness. ( He did manage to finish, three people from the end, the tail car following close behind and two elderly ladies pumping along.)

Away I went. The 5K speed is a little hard for me since I'm used to the long training runs necessary for 1/2 marathons which I am currently in training for. It's a struggle from the start, my breath is so loud sometimes I feel as if it is like a fog horn announcing my arrival to all I pass. Oh well, I heard the breath of others which soothed my ego. 2 miles in and with a 18:45 time I knew I was making good progress, I had made up for the slow start with Andrew which by the way may have proved to be a good training strategy. I pounded on, light on my feet but loud in my breath. (I think the fog horn sound travels from the groundedness and lightness of my feet, up through my body and by the time it reaches my lungs, it pushes out through my mouth as if to say,"get it out now!" This is reminiscent of the birth of my oldest son, I recall those same words. And I really wonder if the feeling is the same. It has been so long ago, I'm not sure.) I continued on despite the effort, gathering speed and finishing strong and fast. 38:36 I think my final time was, enough to earn a first place medal in my age group. (I'm glad Karen from the Y wasn't there she tends to beat me by 2 minutes)

As I reflect on this race one day out, I am grateful once again for the incredible gift of my legs, feet and body that carry me forward and allow me to persevere!

Run with strength, giving credit to the one who made you, and offer gratitude along the way! Blessings on your journey.

Living On Your Own Terms

2009-03-18T15:44:00.000-07:00

I too live on my own terms and I agree there is a price for that! I question policy and practices that aren't working or are isolating others. I am a parent of a child with a disability and am often in places where I have to offer up explanations... The price for nonconformity is sometimes high but the value is worth it!

One Week Off

2009-03-14T02:46:00.000-07:00

I decided to take this week off from any type of physical exercise. No running, weight lifting or yoga...I haven't run since March 4, today is March 14. I have vowed to get back on the road tomorrow. It has been good in a lot of ways. Gave my body rest and freed my time to do some other things. I spent a lot of time writing, have a deadline Monday, but Thursday was the day I was going to get everything caught up but I woke up with the worse migraine. Haven't had one of those in 13 years. What's up with that?

After spending a miserable day, I decided to get into see the doctor. 3:45 pm finally ended up after throwing up multiple times. Got a shot in the butt of phenegrin (spelling?) and Imatrix (spelling, sorry). One hour later, relief! And starving! Miracle drugs.

Maintaining Sanity in These Tough Economic Times

2009-03-06T19:16:00.000-08:00

Times are tough economically right now. There is no denying the facts: unemployment is high, homes are being lost, spending is down.
How can we maintain our sanity and not participate in negative, woe is me thinking? How can we
stay calm? Through the exploration of these questions we are directed to the solution. If we allow for faith we are guided toward action.

Our current troubles are not new. People since the beginning of time have faced difficult economic situations, times when they were concerned about how they would feed their families, where they would live, and how they would manage to meet their needs.

Consider the people of Israel, wondering around in a dusty, dry, stifling desert. They complained, grumbled, and cried out in frustration. In the book of Nehemiah, the great leader reminds us of the love God always had for his people. He calmed their fears, reminded them of his great love for them and guided them toward the solution.

“In your goodness you told them what they should do. You fed them manna and gave them water to drink. Through forty years in the desert you provided all that they needed; their clothing never wore out, and their feet were not swollen with pain.” (Nehemiah 9:20-21)

I’ve still got a closet full of shoes and clothes to carry me through whatever the weather. I’ve got bread, peanut butter, hamburger helper in my pantry. I’ve got water, milk and Gatorade in my refrigerator. I’ve got access to a computer and gas to fuel my car. My home is heated or cooled depending on the temperature. I am taken care of.

In action, to protect me from the negative and hopeless attitudes, I have surrounded myself with a host of positive people to serve as my Nehemiah and remind me that God has never left my side despite lack of faith, sin or a multitude of insults. These people foster an attitude of hope, joy, and contentment.

Assessing my own situation, taking inventory of my actions keeps me focused and in the solution: Was I greedy? Did I buy too much stuff convincing myself I needed more? Did I forget being employed is a privilege, one I must honestly give of my skills? Was I lazy, apathetic, dishonest? Did I forget to give thanks and credit to those that have helped me along the way?

Careful analysis of these questions allows me to take positive action keeping me out of blame, depression, anger. In taking an honest inventory I begin to realize I can exercise some control over my situation and practice some discipline in my life.

Having extra time and less money allows me to explore opportunities for service. I can give of my time to help someone else who is in need. I can discuss my concerns with legislators and policy makers making suggestions based on intellect rather than emotion and fear. I can practice humility by accepting help if I need it.

Compared to the people of Israel wondering around, I’ve got it made. I doubt the current recession will continue for 40 years, but if it does… God will provide for me. He just asks that I do my part.

Uncovering New Levels of Fear

2009-02-22T06:24:00.000-08:00

2-20-09

“Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.” ~Mark 8:34

Each morning I take time to meditate on God’s word and a reflection of another author. This morning I was reading about limitations, and the author suggested taking up the cross of my own limitations. Currently my limitation comes from a fear that has been showing up in the writing process. I haven’t written in a week because of the fear of not doing it right, not being good enough.

Lately I have had to look within myself to find out where this fear has come from. I have uncovered more baggage to leave at Jesus’ feet. More stuff I’ve been carrying around that has inhibited my creativity.

I’ve been carrying the burden of other peoples attitudes I fear not writing something useful or something that even makes sense. I fear the process of committing.

In my work as an advocate I often allow myself to be shut down by the attitudes of others. I fear my own inadequacies in carrying the message of inclusion. This causes me to question my talent, my message, my strength, even God’s work within me.

This fear leads to apathy, and downright laziness. I loose focus and my commitment fades. Life can be like that sometimes. I become so focused on my own shortcomings I forget the true power and strength that called me to begin. I allow my fear to overtake me and force me into inactivity.

When this happens, I must step back from the outside influences, look within and search for the causes of so much fear. This allows me to recommit to my writing, my advocacy, my role as a mother, friend and wife with a new sense of purpose. I am able to put the burdens of what other people think of me, my work, my teaching and draw on the internal source of power. This allows me to stay on the path with commitment to my writing, my advocacy, my intentions, my life.

“Take up the cross of my own limitation”
~Mary Marrocco
Living Faith

Running With Your Hair Down

2009-02-07T17:50:00.000-08:00

Today I got outside for the first time in several months. We have been given a respite in Tennessee from the cold, frigid temperatures with a breezy, partly sunny, 50 degree day. Perfect! I headed out on the running trail circling the scenic track of Drakes Creek Park, enjoying the breathing in of fresh clean air (much welcomed after the past two months of stale, sweaty, indoor treadmill running).

I turned a corner heading into the breeze. I became obsessed with the awareness of my cap, loosely sitting on my head. I considered tightening the strap to secure it more firmly on my head. Doing so disrupts the rhythm of the run and the breath pattern. I hesitated. Finally after the nagging thought and loose cap continued to disrupt my peace of mind, I did remove my cap. Facing into the breeze a new freedom emerged as my hair flew behind me, away from my face. Freedom! The moment occurred simultaneously with the muscles pumping in effort against the wind, my breathing became more intentional and strained.

Once again being present to all aspects of the run allowed me to enjoy the strain of muscles along with the freedom of my hair flying in the breeze. Realize and be present to all aspects of your journey. Search for the moments of enjoyment that if allowed can occur simultaneously with the straining experience of daily living.

"I will run with perseverance the race that is set before me!"

And God said...

2009-01-31T06:33:00.000-08:00

I have really been struggling this week with my tears. They keep coming. Someone will say something and tears flow. It feels as if the sadness, fear, all those scary emotions are sitting on top of my skin, open to being infected, wounded, rubbed raw!

My very good friend told me that I am in the process of developing thicker skin. The process is painful, involves being vulnerable and open to pain. God says, "That is OK, I am healing you. I am here to help you. You are doing my work in raising awareness about the needs of those with disabilities and those that love them. KEEP GOING AND CALL ON ME WHEN IT IS HARD."

So.......... I keep seeking God here on earth, those that offer encouragement, a shoulder to cry on, and new solutions to try. I keep falling on my knees and ask my God to help me. Then I remember it takes only the faith of a mustard seed, that is all the strength you need, to do the work of God.

This morning I participated in a conversation with God and here is what he said to me:

1. You have opened the door. You have helped spread my message but they are not ready to hear it. Pray for them.

2. Being my disciple is difficult and people may not listen NOW. Be patient, let me work on them and move on. If you spend too much time on those that are not ready you won't have time to find those that are.

3. Continue to ask for help. I want you to ask the difficult questions but be sure you are asking them of the right people. Ask me and I will tell you.

4. It's OK to cry, all my disciples do. I am here, I am helping you. Sometimes my people are hard of heart and they can hurt you. Remember, you have hurt others too. Make amends if you need to.

5. You are not wrong, bad, or inadequate. You are strong, loved and doing good work.

6. I AM THERE/HERE wherever you are. You are finding your way, you don't have to feel alone. My people are already in place to help you. Keep asking and pay attention so you don't miss them. I am helping you find them. PAY ATTENTION!

7. Please give those that are helping you a message for me, "You too are doing my work. Thank you and don't stop." They get scared too and need to hear my voice through you.

8. Be kind, be patient, be tolerant, and most of all be loving.

9. You have courage, don't be afraid to use it for me OK? Why don't you read the stories of my other disciples that came before you, Matthew might be a good place to start.

Finally:

10 I need you to help my people... DON'T STOP!

In keeping with #7, GOD AND I SAY THANK YOU for the support you give me each time you read my blog...

Shake Up Your Fitness Routine

2009-01-28T17:12:00.000-08:00

As the January winter days continue with the dark skies, cold and unpredictable weather, the urge to hibernate is strong. Who wants to lace up running shoes, don the multi layers of clothes and brave the elements to complete a training run? I have been wrestling with these thought of late. So what did I do, I signed up for the Derby 1/2 Marathon on April 25, 2009. I paid my fee, booked my hotel, I am now committed. With 3 months to go I have plenty of time.

I find that setting a goal, a race to run keeps me accountable and if I invest money I have additional motivation to brave the elements.

Having set the goal concentrate on other elements of your physical fitness. I have added the practice of Yoga. Along with the flexibility, and stretching of overused running muscles, I find the breath support and concentration of underused muscle groups refreshing. As a practice, whether running or doing yoga, I use meditative methods to bring awareness to my body, each "Sun Salutation", "Warrior" or "Chair Pose" brings awareness to a new body part while breathing toward extra extension and release.

Stay on the course, focus on the goal but enjoy the journey. The cold will pass, the sun will shine, and the roads will clear. Enjoy the winter stillness knowing with each breath you are strong, protected and blessed.

Namaste

Feather Rufflers

2009-01-26T12:08:00.000-08:00

I am a feather ruffler and proud of it...
In an effort to bring about a new way of thinking about disability: What they bring to us rather than what we bring to them I am aware that feathers get ruffled. People don't like their feathers to get ruffled! Having others look in from the outside is unsettling. People do not want to think in terms of changing their behavior when the action is presented to them.

My thoughts constantly go to: "What am I doing that is wrong?" when my message is not received in a way in which I hope it to be. Sometimes the answer to this question is "nothing" with the realization that changing policy and attitude is difficult, painful even. People will only change what fits into their own concept of right and wrong. "I'm willing to change this, but don't even ask me to look at that."

I have wondered why this is. In the work I have done to get people to think about disability in a different way I have heard the following defenses: "We don't have the resources, it's too expensive." "We don't have that many people affected to warrant such a change." "We're doing enough already." I recognize these as valid concerns but ones that can be addressed with an attitude of willingness: willingness to grow past limitations, discover alternate and creative solutions and elicit the help of others along the way.

I hope you will remember the expression in the disability community: "Not about me without me." If you do not have those with disabilities and their families serving in key roles in your change process you may fail. These people may serve as feather rufflers, do not be afraid.

Blessings on your journey...

Is Your Faith Community a Place of Rest?

2009-01-20T09:33:00.000-08:00

I have been doing a considerable amount of work with faith based communities in trying to help them be a place of rest and comfort for families that are facing the challenge of disability. I have used my skill as an educator and have drawn on my personal experience to help impart the knowledge that families are looking, desperately seeking a place of rest from the everyday challenge, fight, negotiation, patience, tolerance and persistence that are required to meet the needs of a person with a disability.

Meeting the needs of child can be difficult for any parent but add the additional complication of medical providers, impossible insurance companies, school and system policy, even legal procedures and a parent can come close to complete breakdown. Hillary Clinton was famous for her book about raising children entitled: "It Takes a Village." I have heard one mom comment that if it takes a village to raise a typical child it takes the resources of a small country to raise a child with a disability. I agree with this 100%.

Enter my day with me. My son's power wheelchair had a malfunction. Currently a part in his hand controls is in desperate need of repairs. If the button affected gets hit in the wrong way the chair will be rendered immobile, similar to the complication of running out of gas on a crowded interstate with two broken legs and no crutches within reach while facing a change of health insurance which allows for only two options for the in network benefits to be in affect that would allow for the repair of the broken legs which you learn about only as you are wheeled into the ER. (Did you keep up with that?)

This is what today is like for me. A phone call to the insurance company renders the following information after a 20 minute wait and two less than helpful attendant
who were "only doing their job" and following the necessary procedures:

Me: "My son's Permobile Wheelchair (motorized I explain) is in need of repair. The company that provided the chair does not accept United Healthcare."

Them: "Let me search our data base for a provider within a 30 mile radius."

After several moments of silence the attendant comes up with a list of providers under the category of DURABLE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT. Please note that durable medical equipment covers everything from wheelchair repair to oxygen.

Me: "None of those providers are authorized to fix a Permobile wheelchair. Do you have any listings for Nashville?"

Them: "What is the zip code?"

Me: “There are several zip codes in Nashville; I do not know them all."

Them: "I can't help you without a zip code."

Dialogue goes on for several moments as I try to get her to understand without access to a phone book or the internet at this time I can't identify the zip codes. I am additionally trying to get her to understand that taking a Permobile to an unauthorized dealer is similar to taking a Volvo to a Chevy dealer.

I insist the attendant put several notes regarding our conversation as well as the urgency of the repair into her database, (remember his chair is similar to a person's legs, it is his main form of mobility). I don't know how long the wait will be, she doesn't know how long the wait will be. I struggle to keep the tears back as I pray for faith as well as the patience to wait. I know this is only the first step in the process. Once approval is given, there is some type of negotiations as to the cost and then there is the process of securing a doctor's prescription from Vanderbilt for the repair (a similiarily difficult maze to get through) followed by taking the chair for an assessment, waiting for the part, taking the chair back and hope for a fix on the first shot. (Still with me?)

Sometimes having a child with a disability is like this. Days and weeks of problem solving and difficult procedures make a parent very tired and we struggle for respite from the fight. A faith community is a good place for respite but only if a complicated process of educating and overcoming attitudes is not necessary.

Finding caring and compassionate individuals that will listen to the frustration and anxiety in a parent’s voice is often difficult but vitally necessary! Problem solving, taking some of the weight off weary shoulders is one of the best remedies those who care can offer. In order for a faith community to offer this, they must be willing to enter into the anxiety with the parent and devote time and energy to the needs, knowing often the parent will not know what they need. Sometimes it may just be a prayer, time and a kind ear. Other times a more complicated and innovative solution is required. Caring and compassionate individuals must be willing to enter in and offer peace, hope, and solutions.

Be willing to make things as easy as possible. Cheryl Rosenberg stated in an article for "Church and Society," stated: "It seems (describing parents) the have to fight for everything that their child needs - they do not want to fight for their child in church."

Blessings

What Are My Motives?

2009-01-16T03:26:00.000-08:00

I have been wrestling with my commitment to the next race... I was not sure if I wanted to commit to full marathon (26.2 miles) or a half marathon (13.1 miles). As those of you know that run, the training for a full is very time consuming not to mention the incredible discipline and determination it takes to actually complete the run. I am always amazed at the runners I read about that just love the sport and float through 70 miles a week with no problem. Yesterday I was reading about such a woman, Amy Burrow from Nashville, a master's runner(which means she is over 40) who is continuing to clock in 70 miles a week, get her degree in nursing despite a double hip replacement. Is she Wonder Woman? I admire her commitment to running as I know it must be a painful process. She stated that she just loved it.

Then a second though came to my mind. Despite the doctors advice, with a double hip replacement, was she just stubborn. What were her motives? I really have no idea her motives, it seems that it is just something she loves and she is not ready to give it up. This question has been a constant companion of mine as I go through the discerning process in determining the course God wants me to be on in my work with disability. What are my motives? This question has kept me humble. I search for the fame motive, and use that as a guide. If I am seeking recognition, fame and fortune then I am definitely doing the wrong thing as I seem to be getting very little of all three. I have gotten encouragement from others and have edited the efforts of others with similar goals to help me. Fortune has not come yet, but despite this fact God has provided and I continue to "act as if."

What is my motive? is a guiding question, one that keeps me on course and I am grateful for that. While running I know that I will never join the ranks of elite racer, but that is OK with me. Now I continue to put the fact that I will never join the ranks of "elite advocate" in the work I do with disability and most days that is OK.

Blessings and "Remember how great...the Lord is, and fight." ~Nehemiah 4:9

2008-12-25T18:40:00.000-08:00

Friends: Me, Kathy, Gayla and Merrilee

San Antonio Marathon: Sisters Sally,Penny and Me

Brendon's Christmas Party at Beech Elementary

Santa's Unexpected Christmas Present and Celebrity Spotting

2008-12-25T18:34:00.000-08:00

Happy holiday everyone.

We woke up this morning to find Santa left a little unexpected animal in our tree. Hanging on for dear life to the limb was a squirrel! The family joined in got pursuit to chase it out the door! It was hilarious watching Ryan with his tennis racket and Larry with the broom run around the den. It escaped past Brendon into the dining room up the stairs followed by the dog. Down the stairs it came while I jumped on the chair. Temporarily we lost the poor creature. Andrew took control of the dog while we searched the living room. After looking under the furniture he emerged from the couch. Ryan in his excitement beat it over its head. Andrew threw a sheet over it and Larry grabbed it realizing it was still alive. He carried it off and hopefully it scampered away. And we got it all on video, may be featured on America's Funniest Video...

We also had a celebrity spotting at the cathedral catholic church. Sitting two rows ahead of us was Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman. I heard very little of the sermon as I was distracted trying not to stare. I was obsessed trying to figure out who the 4 kids in the pew belonged to. I think the baby was theirs but not sure of the rest. I will report they didn't last the entire service, disappeared before communion...

Here's wishing you a memorable holiday!

Blessings

To Run or Not to Run

2008-12-18T09:14:00.000-08:00

I have noticed with the upcoming holidays, shorter days, colder weather, and post marathon I have not had the same excitement about running. I have just listed all the reasons I will roll around in my head before a run. I know this mood will not last, and I have to adopt the attitude: Do it Anyway. I have found during the run, I get a sense of charity, I reconnect with my body, the glorious gift God has given me, I give praise, offer petitions and am ALWAYS glad I shoved myself out of the bed. I have developed a new appreciation for the treadmill. This has allowed me to concentrate on the speed. I continue to sign up for races. I have found I do better with a goal. It keeps me focused when the desire to abstain hits.

I completed the Frostbite 5K at the YMCA in Sumner County this past weekend. I achieve a personal best and got 1st place in my age group. The competition was with myself. To run faster, to see if the speed training was working and to motivate me to continue. I was thinking about my accomplishment as I ran 7 miles this morning. I pushed myself to run faster and longer. It was exhilarating to challenge my body and my mind in this way.

Find something that will challenge you. Set a goal and a plan for reaching that goal. The focus will keep you motivated when the urge to quit becomes strong and what came easy is not a challenge. This is the true test of God's service. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. The rewards are worth it.

In Sickness and Health

2008-12-05T10:49:00.000-08:00

In sickness and in health... for those of you who are married you remember well these vows. Recently I was able to apply the same vows to my running. I was in Chicago, the cold weather really got to me and I developed a head cold (that has moved into my chest as we speak). The urge to not run was strong. But I knew I needed the physical release and meditative connection with God so I headed to the workout room. (I was not crazy enough to venture into the cold Chicago winds though I was saddened by not experiencing the city in this way). I was comforted by the fact I was in post marathon mode and only committed to running 5 miles.

It was a good thing I only had 5 miles to run. To say it was difficult was an understatement. It was downright painful. I was sweating in the first 5 minutes, I felt out of breath and my body was protesting. I kept on dedicated to finishing in much the same fashion I was in the marathon, to run through the pain and discomfort, to connect with my breath, shallow though it was.

I finished and once again was impressed by the completion of a difficult task. It is during these times when running is difficult I feel more connected to my God. It truly is Him that keeps me going because I knew by myself I would have collapsed 1 mile in.

Finishing the San Antonio Marathon

2008-11-20T19:04:00.000-08:00

Yea... I finished the San Antonio Marathon. The finish is always a celebration! It has been five years since my last full marathon (26.2 miles). The preparation and completion of this marathon was a different process for me. Though I have always used spiritual meditation to connect with God, I made it more intentional and I expanded my practice.

During the marathon there were times of ease, when I was connected to the crowd, my breath, and my body. I enjoyed these times. I made it a point to give high fives to the children in the audience, wave and smile. Marathon running often represents the overcoming of obstacles with the race a symbol of the challenges one is experiencing. I talked to a man pushing his friend who was in a wheelchair. We made a connection of sharing a similar experience: the marathon itself and having a loved one with a disability. It was a moment of connection and support for each of us. There were many running for a charity and I would acknowledge some as I passed by, offering encouragement or asking a question. There were military persons along the way and I thanked them for their service. Each person had their own story and I would often think about their life and try to get a picture of their reason for completing this distance. Often the reason was apparent by their physical appearance (the lady I assumed had cancer as she had no hair or the man with an artificial leg) but often their story was hidden from my view. I would imagine and try to get some clues, then I would bless them and move on.

During the periods of challenge, pain and discomfort, I would practice mindfulness. I would briefly acknowledge my pain, then offer it as a sacrificial practice for those that are suffering or for those that can't run. I prayed for Brendon, my friend in the hospital, a friend with cancer, the alcoholic and the troubled marriages. I prayed for Ryan, Andrew, those who have lost loved ones, my husband, my finances, and the government. Through long uninterrupted periods of time I thought of others in an effort to manage my own discomfort. Each time a discomfort or pain was too much I was propelled by the connection with the suffering of others. Returning to the breath was my reconnection with God and offering for others. This practice moved me forward one step at a time.

It was a beautiful day, cool enough in the morning for gloves and long sleeves but as I continued forward on the path the warmth of the sun quickly brought me to a more comfortable temperature. There was a slight wind at times especially the last half of the race. There were times of challenge in maneuvering through the vast amounts of people on the course. As we moved out of the city into the mission district of San Antonio for the second half of the race the road became clearer and the silence more prominent. I found this a relief and had more opportunity to practice meditation as I ran through discomfort and pain. I was most connected in my suffering during miles 17-20 and again at miles 20-22. I used the practice of offering my suffering as a sacrifice for the suffering of others.

Through perseverance I made it toward the end, sprinting the last .2 miles to cross the finish. I was sore, it was hard, but I was filled with contentment and confidence. I could hear the voice of God say: "Well done, good and faithful servant."

On the Downslide

2008-11-08T05:16:00.001-08:00

As the San Antonio marathon approaches, Sunday Nov. 16, my training has decreasesd over the past two weeks. Today will be my last long run, 6 miles. Next weeks run is only 30 minutes. Then it's the full marathon. As the days have gotten shorter and fall is in full swing it has been more difficult these past weeks to be energized to run. I find myself wanting to stay in bed and not face the cool of the morning. I have also found myself at the YMCA track more often, not wanting to face the outside world. This reflects my current mood, a little gloomy, lazy, and depressed. I seek the comfort of home, the warmth of the heat, the mindlessness of watching TV. I don't want to face action and living life on life's terms. But God continues to call me to do what I often find myself not wanting to do. He nudges me out of bed on a cool Saturday morning like today and tells me it's time to run, time to connect with him in meditation as I breath through the miles and put one foot in front of the other. It is not complicated, it is simple. As you wake up this morning, take some time to enjoy the beauty of this Saturday, honoring God and family with intention, breathing in the gift of life, and following the simple path.

2008-10-26T11:45:00.000-07:00

Gratitude is Intentional

2008-10-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

I am so excited I now have one follower on my blog! I love to see your comments and that somehow my story touches you. Hopefully it inspires you to develop your own story. That is the only way we can learn, I think, is by sharing our stories!

Today I set out for a short 50 minute run. The air was cool and the sun was bright. I decided to head to Moss Wright Park as I'm getting a little tired of my other courses. I couldn't wake Andrew to go with me, he stayed up too late last night.

Half way into my run, I realized that I have been doing a lot of talking to God, making requests, listing my demands, and what I needed with very little thought to all the blessings I have already been given: the sun shining brightly, the beautiful park, time to run this morning, my special moms who came to my house last night to fellowship, etc. I began to realize that He already knows what I need and I am already receiving all I need. I switched gears and began to run with gratitude. I began to list all the things I was grateful for on this beautiful morning. With each thing I said a memorized prayer. I had to really concentrate on what I was doing because my mind kept going to my list of requests again, patience, strength, success, etc. It is so easy to slip into self centered prayer. Staying in gratitude takes discipline and concentration. It is a form of meditation that takes lots of practice. Running the distances I do gives me ample time to practice. Really, you would think after logging in the miles which number in the thousands right now, I would be better at gratitude, it would come easier and be more natural. But it is still something I have to do with intention. I think God is happy with the fact that I continue to try.

"I am focusing my eye on the prize which lies before me" Put one foot, or if you're in a wheelchair, roll one wheel in front of the other, with each move forward focusing on gratitude letting each intention bring you into God's presence.

Happy meditation!

2008-10-23T14:44:00.000-07:00

I'm back... after taking 13 days off I am back on my marathon training schedule. With 21 days left to the San Antonio marathon, this is the last long run, 20 miles! Why would anyone want to take on the challenge of running a 26.2 mile marathon? For me it's a way to be a little less crazy. Life is difficult, emotional and frustrating. Running gives me perspective, I put myself through a vigorous schedule toward a goal. Three reasons keep me running, through difficulties, aches, and busy schedules.

1. It is my spiritual connection: there is something about running that connects me to God. We talk, OK mostly I talk, but through the exertion of my body I get answers - how to improve my relationships, sorting through a conflict and determining my part - solutions to career related problems - and overcoming writers block, to name just a few. I get to go places on the road a car can't get into and I love paying attention to the noises, the color, the scenery God has put in my path which in day to day life I tend to ignore.

2. Running is my way to release emotions that could easily overcome me: anger, fear, depression, and sadness. There is something about physical exertion and doing something in which you can focus your physical self on that allows the thinking and emotions to get right sized and I can go about the things that happen in my day.

3. Running is a family event for me. I have three boys and finding something physical to do with them is sometimes difficult. My oldest son and I have run two half marathons and several 5K races together. When your children enter into adulthood and go away to college, it is sometimes difficult to make connections. Running keeps us connected. My middle son doesn't like running as much right now but he has completed several 5K races with me, and if he is not in the race with me he is cheering and taking pictures. I also know he has respect for my physical ability since running is harder for him right now. I now also run with my youngest son , pushing him in his stroller. It is my way of teaching him that just because he has a disability doesn't mean he has to be limited. Even my husband is involved: driving us to the races, paying the entry fees, taking video and pictures and having water at the finish line!

These things keep me running: God, stability and family. What more can a person ask from life! And... there's nothing like crossing a finish line, and one final reward... the medal!

18 Miles of Difficulty

2008-10-01T06:46:00.000-07:00

It has been two days since my 18 mile long run in preparation for the November San Antonio marathon. It's taken me two days to get over the painful experience of body, mind and spirit.

As with any long run, and even the shorter runs, I usually participate in a back and forth dialogue in my mind. I planned to begin at 6:00 am and end a little after 9:00am. I don't know if anyone else engages in self talk but I do it all the time. I'm told it is healthy. As usual when I'm facing such a long stretch of running, I have to do a lot of self talk. "Yes you need to do this." "No you can't wait or postpone because your schedule is too busy this week." You'll feel better when it's done." "You've done this before and you can do it again!" Usually my self talk begins in anticipation of the run, days before. My mind plays a kind of ping pong ball game, back and forth from talking myself into : "Yes, let's go, you can do it!" to talking myself out of: "Oh --- there's no way!" Occasionally I will engage and follow the negative, and I always regret it. Eventually, however, the "JUST DO IT" thought will prevail and overcome any obstacles my mind perceives

The weather was cool and the sky had a pink glow in the horizon. I savored it's sight as I knew it would quickly be gone as I changed directions and the day emerged. I committed to run the neighborhood for the first three or four miles. This proved to be a good thing. From the beginning my stomach started it's protests. I stopped three times at the house. The ping pong game started back in my head. I continue to wonder if taking on this distance, on this day was worth the discomfort of a protesting stomach. I returned to the thought: "You have no other time in your busy schedule this week to run!" and recognized a new thought: "Whose to say another day will be any different!"

The weather continued to be a blessing, I have learned to take any positive thought I can get. It was sunny, clear and with a coolness I look forward to on a fall day. I continued to put miles behind me as I took one step at a time. I wish I could say the run got easier, but it didn't. It was a constant effort to remain in the present. I continued to follow my prayer mantra. I practiced being mindful of the breath. I even tried the body awareness technique discussed in Roger Joslin's book. I began at my feet, recognizing their movement and feel. I got as far as my quadriceps when I lost interest, the effort to think about my body one part at a time proved to be too difficult. I abandoned the task.

I remembered that sometimes running is painful, uncomfortable, and the thoughts of giving up can consume each step. This is similar to the most recent events of my life off the road. I am working to create a vocation, a new career that will honor all of my experiences and bring awareness to others. I have recently had thoughts of giving up the pursuit, wondering if what I was doing was worth it. I have recently had thoughts of giving up the pursuit, wondering if what i was doing was worth it, similar to the thought while embarking on this run. I have had to talk myself out of the negative and fear filled spaces that my mind wants to occupy. Perseverance, and continuing on despite discomfort became the lesson of the run.

I never got to enjoy this running experience, it was too uncomfortable. I never settled into a peaceful rhythm. I continued the practice of mindful breathing, which got me through and I focused on staying in the present, choosing to look at the road directly in front of me and the strike of my foot on the pavement. I knew based on past experience eventually the run would end and I would be able to rest.

What started out to be a three hour run actually took almost four hours. As in life when I am having doubts, I had to rest more, take more breaks, refocus my mind and prepare my body. Each time I stopped I refocused my thoughts and mustered up additional strength to continue on the path. Eventually the run did end, I took pride in the fact I allowed my healthy mind, the one that tells me to continue on despite fear, discomfort and even pain to dominate and propel me toward the end. I ended my run with a steep uphill climb, a symbol of one final trial, exactly what I needed to bring this experience to completion. I ended much as I began in discomfort and duress. BUT, it was exactly what I needed and when I was done I had one more successful experience of persevering toward the end despite the discomfort, pain and fear.

NEW Lessons from Blind Running

2008-09-26T03:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took off on a 50 minute run around the neighborhood. It began as one of those runs you just know from the beginning is going to be difficult. It was a little too warm, the sun was strong, and it was windy, which made my lips feel dry and my mouth feel thirsty. This was part of my scheduled training and I knew I wouldn't be able to make this run up at any other time in the week so off I went.

I was coming to the last 15 minutes, almost home, with one last steady, uphill climb. The feeling of fatigue, dryness and warmth had increased and I was really ready to have this run behind me. To make matters worse I was having difficulty focusing my mind on staying spiritually connected. I decided to rely on my blind running meditation to hopefully get me to the end. I do this with the intention to focusing on the other senses, which are often neglected because of my dependence on visual stimulus.

I have been working on perfecting a method of running with my eyes closed by saying a ritual prayer. I will say 24 words of the prayer with my eyes closed then open my eyes and say the remaining 17 words. I have worked up to the 24 words. I have realized through this practice I can focus on the angle of the sun, the feel of the road as my foot strikes, and the sounds around me. I was reflecting on faith and thought the lesson was to close my eyes while God said, "Trust Me" implying he would not allow me to fall off the path while my eyes were closed. Unlike other times when I have done blind running, it was a real effort, which I perceived as a lack of faith. So I kept up the blind running practice willing my senses to take over, the fear of falling to disappear, all while wrestling with fatigue, thirst, and heat! There was a nudging that I thought was telling me blind running was not working! I viewed this as lack of faith and prayed more diligently for God to increase my faith. My eyes were closed, I was willing my mind to concentrate, I felt the sun on the right side of my face, I had gotten 18 words into my prayer when OOPS! Off the road I fell into the gravel on my hands and knees, the symbol of prayer (interesting that I would land this way). It was so fast, and in that moment I realized I was being ridiculous. I started to laugh. You can't will faith by testing it, thinking what you are doing is Gods will. I realized I was not paying attention at all to what my intuition, my God voice was telling me. He wasn't trying to test my faith by asking me to continue to keep my eyes closed for the 24 words, God doesn't work that way. I had become so distracted by getting to the end of those 24 words that I really wasn't listening to God at all, but instead to my own stubborn ego. What God was really saying, (yelling actually) was: "OPEN YOUR EYES!" It was that simple, that easy, nothing complicated, or thought provoking, but simply open your eyes.

In that moment I realized it was not just about the praying (which I did with my eyes closed), it was about realizing in the prayer what God was telling me to do, the action that follows the prayer, and then taking that action. "OPEN YOUR EYES, take the next action, and I will be with you." This is what faith is about

Running in Community

2008-09-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

There are times when running is a solo event, one person, one race, one set of shoes, one breath pattern. I love running alone, just me, my shoes and an open road. There is another type of running that is worthy of exploration, a type of run that will sharpen your focus, test your fitness, and expand your joy. Recently I have discovered the joys of running with a partner. In June of this year I began running with my nine year old son Brendon who has Muscular Dystrophy. He saw me complete many races and wanted to race too! So I began including him. Because he uses a wheelchair I had to get special equipment. Together, with me pushing, we ran up hills (many, many hills), through neighborhoods, at the beach, and away from dogs. The Christie Cookie 5K at the Green Hills YMCA on September 20, 2008 marked the finish of our third race (2 5K's and 1 half marathon). Each race has taken on it's own theme. This race was about community.

I often have difficulty with the 5K race. The crowds, short distance, and unfamiliar trails tend to get in the way of my ever developing a rhythm. I usually don't feel comfortable or have a good pace going until after the first two miles. I get distracted trying to keep up with the other runners. This race was no different. In addition I had to make sure I kept out of the way of other runners with the stroller, found enough open space, and didn't clip any heals. Every step seemed to be an effort. I keep entering these races because:
1. There are plenty of them.
2. I get race practice for my upcoming marathon in November.
3. I get to be with other runners.
But the fourth reason is what motivated me to enter this race:
4. Another opportunity to share moments of joy with my son, to make racing possible for him!

When you run for someone else, it is more than an individual achievement and other racers recognize this. This race was a community event. We were cautious in our passing, and gave plenty of warning when we were coming upon someone. We had to yell out warning and the runners were receptive to us speeding by. We are careful to not intrude on another persons race by running into their heals or bumping up against their sides. In this race there was a long up hill somewhere into mile two. A lady with a grey shirt and red hat named Maria approached us, "I have experience stroller running," she said. "Would you like some help?" "Yes!" "Thank you," I replied. The hill looked exhausting, long and steep! Maria chatted a few minutes with Brendon and I told her a little about our racing together. I was careful to be aware of her race experience and asked if she was OK. I didn't want to take advantage of her generosity. She said she was OK and kept on pushing. I was grateful for the respite and the hill was falling away. With just a little more of the hill to go up,I took over and continued on with Brendon, both of us thanking her for her generosity.

I continued to struggle with my thoughts. Each breath was labored and each step an act of will to finish. Knowing I was partners with Brendon and he needed me to keep going so he could finish gave me the will to persevere. Another intuitive runner, with a yellow shirt, named Claire offered her assistance. With her hands on the stroller and mine at my sides we continued on in partnership, with Brendon finishing as our goal. This brief respite gave me just enough strength to continue. We thanked her for her help and I took over the stroller.

I felt a new sense of energy burst forward. My speed quickened as I faced the final 500 yards. Brendon always loves to go fast and he noticed the quickened pace. Without my two race helpers I am not sure I would have had this final speed. Brendon began his cheers toward the finish. The sprint toward the end is always his favorite part and I was grateful to have had the energy to make it a fast one.

I am grateful for this new found community of runners, the compassionate, thoughtful, attentive, selfless and generous ones, who put their own goals aside to help a running pair reach the same finish line. This sense of community running is not found in the solo experience. These two ladies affirmed my belief that the world is a safe place for my son and there are those who will accept his disability and lend a hand if needed. Thank you to Maria and Claire for being present to the needs of others. I challenge the rest of you runners to shake up the solo experience, become a member of the community of runners, run for someone else, offer a hand, shout out a word of encouragement. There is immense joy to be had in being a member of a community of runners with a shared goal to finish, no matter what they have to do to make that possible for all that enter.

The Struggle to Finish

2008-09-16T03:31:00.000-07:00

There are times when I run that it is easy to remain in God's presence, the time floats by without effort. I have come to see these times as gifts. They don't come often and I treasure them. No matter what type of meditation and prayer you practice, whether it is silent meditation or running meditation like myself you will have those times when time is not an issue and the meditation is free and easy.

Yesterday my 16 mile run was not this way. I could feel time, I could feel my knees getting sore and my feet aching. It was a battle to finish. Thoughts kept creeping into my head. I have learned through the practice of spiritual running that you acknowledge the thoughts and let them go. I would focus on my feet hitting the ground, my surroundings, my breath. I would practice one of the scripture passages I have memorized as a mantra. This would bring me consciously into the presence of God once again. I had to do this over and over as my mind kept struggling to go to the challenges I am facing in my life right in the moment.

When I face a challenge I am aware that it is so difficult to turn it over to God and trust that he only has good things planned for my life. And it is even more difficult to believe that all is well in these moments. I have come to believe in running mediation that the run that is a struggle is the most beneficial on the spiritual journey. Because it is a struggle and this is the one we most often engage in on our life's journey, I am also aware this is the reason most people give up on the run, or any exercise. When the going gets tough we have a natural tendency to give up, say I quit, and return to our old habits and inefficiencies. These inefficiencies may not produce the outcome we desire and they do not lead to the spiritual path but they are comfortable and familiar, like an old running shoe.

An old running shoe must be discarded when it is no longer useful. The cushioning breaks down, it gets worn and begins to give us problems. Old patterns of thought, old ways, ineffective methods must be discarded to make room for the new, and the spiritual. Don't be afraid, keep running on the path, keep reflecting and acknowledging the old and letting it go. Know that for all of us on the spiritual path the difficult run, the one you are not sure you will make it through, is the one that is most effective, as it is what happens when we seek God's will in our lives. So keep running, keep persisting, keep grounded in the movement and come to enjoy the spiritual path.

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, and never to harm you."

Blessings and keep on the spiritual running path.

Complete Your Ideas

2008-09-11T03:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I set out on a 60 minute run. I am now running toward a new goal, a new finish line. In November I will run the San Antonio marathon, as I have not run a full marathon since Brendon was 2 years old. I have come to enjoy running again and more than that it has become another path toward God and coming to know myself. Through running I have not only gotten in better shape, but I have been able to come to a clearer path toward God. Notice I said clearer, this implies that the path is not always clear.

Yesterday as I set out it was 5:30, it was dark. Now that my schedule has changed as a result of not having a traditional job, I no longer set out to go downtown, usually arriving by 6:00 to run around downtown and the Vanderbilt area. I miss those runs. Since I have established an early morning routine with running I figured I better continue it, I am following through on my plan. I was aware of my surroundings in a new way and ran in my familiar neighborhood until the light began to shine on a new day.

I began to think of incomplete ideas and plans, follow through, and immediately recognized this as an area I must pay attention to. This thought was sparked by watching a show that I find hilarious, "The New Adventures of Old Christine" with Julia Louise Dryfis. I have always loved her comedy as it connects to real, crazy, usually not talked about but often thought about, part of myself. Yesterday it was about starting plans and never finishing. I began thinking as I was running about all the great ideas, thoughts, and plans I have managed to bring to completion and those that have fallen by the waste side. Some of the thoughts I have been able to put into practice, this blog for one. It came to me one day as a way to chronicle my journey toward a life path and a spiritual journey. It has motivated me to keep in touch, I have come to depend on it as a way to deepen my relationships with others.

How many times do we in our own life have ideas, make plans, even go so far as sign up, and buy the equipment and then don't follow through. Exercise may be one of those activities. Of course I am not staying that all ideas are meant to be completed and require action on our part. Some thoughts are better left unsaid, undone and incomplete. It is the discernment of those things that I believe often keeps people from, as the Nike saying goes, "Just Doing It". It is our fear of our own failure, or even our fear of our success that prevents people from taking action. Sometimes things just don't turn out as we had expected and the natural response is to believe we were some how a failure. This is not the truth as I have come to experience. Some of my greatest failures have lead to some of the greatest successes. "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and to never harm you." This is one of my running mantras taken from the bible. Sorry to the Baptists and others who can remember the exact book of the bible and the verse number, my Catholic mind, which has never been grounded in memorizing bible verses as a regular practice, just doesn't seem to remember that detail. But what I do remember are the things that speak to me through meditation and prayer or daily life experience and I make a commitment to memorizing them. Running is an excellent opportunity to do this as you have many miles and lots of time depending on the length of your run, to commit to memory those things that speak to you on the road.

In the verse, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and to never harm you", I am reminded that I am not God. I cannot always know the reasons behind the actions I take, nor am I supposed to as then I am assuming the role of God. The important thing is to take the action. I always learn something. Either it is something I am to avoid or something I am to explore further. Taking action on the ideas that come to me allows me to deepen my relationship with my God, to help me to know myself in a deeper and more complete way.

So take off on your own journey whether it be running, waiting in the car pool lane, or sitting in church. Begin to write down the things that come to you in the daily routine of living your life. Meditate and pray on these things and take action. In this way you are fulfilling the role God intended for you.

The Extraordinary

2008-09-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

So much of life is lived in the ordinary. I have been on a quest to help my family and Brendon in particular to live in the ordinary, and enjoy the all the ordinary moments. He goes to school with kids his age, vacation with the family, sporting events cheering for his brothers (and the Volunteers and Titans when we can), YMCA after school care, swimming, movies, etc. Often we have to think of ways to do things differently by accessing special seating, parking, equipment, restroom access, food Brendon can eat, hotel rooms that are big enough etc. to make these events as ordinary as possible. To make our life ordinary has often been frustrating, we don't get the opportunity to be anonymous. Even going to WalMart elicits glances, and comments. Every ordinary experience is an opportunity to educate and demonstrate to others, we are more alike than different. Sometimes this can be exhausting and frustrating for a mom. (Luckily I am at a stage in my life that it doesn't matter if I have make up on or not.) But I long ago accepted my role as educator and advocate because somewhere along the journey I realized this is what God intended me to be.

HOWEVER, sometimes you get the opportunity to do something EXTRAORDINARY. Those events and moments need to be celebrated and shared because those are the things that inspire and cause change. Running and completing the Virginia Beach 1/2 Marathon has been one of these EXTRAORDINARY experiences for me. From the moment Brendon got in the car and said, "This is going to be fun Mommy," I knew this was going to be an event to remember. We spent Friday afternoon reveling in the marathon exhibit experience. We got our race numbers (yes Brendon got his). We went on to meet Dick and Rick Hoyt. For the Hoyts marathon racing has become an ordinary experience. Most observers recognize what they do as extraordinary but from what I know of being a mom of a child with a disability, it's about the love a parent has for their child. a love that will often push a parent beyond their own limits to bring joy to their child's life. It's about creating your own story, what becomes ordinary to you. Their story is so powerful because it is an example of love and that is what inspires and encourages others such as Brendon and myself. We took pictures and got autographs. While at their booth we met another couple of racers who were also in wheelchairs. I recognized they were waiting and apologized for being in the way. They both smiled and said "patience". I knew exactly what they meant as I have observed the same patience in Brendon. We snapped a quick picture after a few minutes of conversation about the race.

Saturday we took it easy at the beach. My boys have always enjoyed the ordinary events of a beach vacation. Swimming, riding the waves, digging in the sand have entertained them for hours and this trip was no exception. What was helpful was the accessibility of the beaches. They had a boardwalk access to all the shops and wooden walkways leading to the sand, close to the water so the pushing in the stroller was minimal and easy. While Andrew surfed the waves, Brendon headed out on Ryan's shoulders to splash around. We headed home early to get rest for the big race.

4:30 AM Sunday, race day, everyone was in various stages of alertness. After dressing in our race ware, filling up water bottles, putting on the time chips and race numbers, gathering up other various essentials we headed out. We arrived in the dark, in plenty of time to participate in some prerace standing, chatting, and observing the excitement. We got to go directly to the front of the start line as we were starting with the wheelchair racers. I chatted with a mom helping her daughter who is on the wheelchair track team, this was her first 1/2 marathon. I talked to a young man and his mom. He had just completed the Country Music 1/2 Marathon in April. We made a connection as we discussed the hills. I expressed my admiration in his ability to do the up hill in his wheelchair. It was hard enough on two legs. The participants of TEAMHOYT began arriving in strollers and modified chairs. I talked with some of the pushers (a combinations of parents, family members and friends) and riders (those with disabilities), a few being sound asleep. We took pictures, and filmed video. Then it was time to kiss Andrew and Larry and move toward the start.

Everyone lined up at the start and in a flash there was movement as strollers and runners moved forward. All passed us but that was OK, slow and steady we were racing. Finishing was our goal.

Brendon's job was to film and keep up with the stop watch, and wave to the crowd and other runners. The crowds were amazing and encouraging. it was pleasant starting first out of the gate. The roads were clear and spacious. We knew we'd have about 15 minutes of uninterrupted running before the elite women would catch up with us. Ryan, Brendon and I enjoyed the crowds, the space to run, and the excitement. Brendon continued waving. We brought an American flag which he waved proudly.

The the pace cars came upon us and in a matter of seconds a pack of women zoomed by, so fast Brendon didn't have time to get his camera ready. Then they were gone. We enjoyed more open roads with continuous crowd support. About 10 minutes and another group of pace cars came upon us. This time Brendon was ready with the camera. he got the lead pack of men as they zoomed by. Just as quickly as they appeared they were gone! Then we knew our open road access would be challenged as the other runners would be coming up behind us. We kept running on as one by one racers began to pass us. We got lots of "Good Job, and Keep It Up's"! Brendon began shouting and waving encouragement back to all the runners. It was amazing, the cheers, the encouragement and the acceptance we experienced.

After 7 miles of pushing I turned the stroller over to Ryan. I think the stroller gave him momentum as he seemed to gain speed. I began feeling the race as I struggled to keep up with Ryan's pace. I offered up with greater intensity my gratitude to God for making this possible and the people that contributed and prayers for others. More and more racers passed as we tried to blend into the crowd. We rolled past crowds of supporters and cheerleaders into Camp Pendelton. Brendon kept up the "Good Jobs" with increased frequency. Ryan did a great job of allowing me opportunities to catch up. He and Brendon kept me in their sight and would stop to allow me to catch up as they knew finishing together was important to me. I think they both, especially Brendon wanted to speed up but I was grateful they kept me in their sights.

Finally the boardwalk, which would quickly lead to the finish line, came into view. Ryan began counting down the blocks (I'm not sure this was helping or hurting, it all seemed so far to me). For 13 blocks my boys offered encouragement, "GO MOMMY, YOU CAN DO IT MOMMY" spurred me on. Two blocks left and I reached for Brendon's hand as Ryan pushed on. I gathered the energy to sprint to the finish. Then STOP, WE DID IT! (I was impressed with Ryan's ability to come to a sudden stop with the stroller and he didn't run anyone over) We finished a distance of 13.1 miles in a very ordinary way, with a medal placed around Brendon's neck.

What next? I'm already planning our next event. Thank you to all who have shared in this journey with us and for your finances, prayers and continued supported.

"I will run with perseverance the race that is set before me."

Meeting a Challenge

2008-08-29T09:14:00.000-07:00

Nine years ago I had my youngest son. He was born with Muscular Dystrophy a genetic disability. I strived to live as ordinary a life as we could despite numerous doctor appointments, therapists, educators, adaptive equipment, feeding equipment, and other inconveniences. At the time I was adjusting to our new circumstance I was mother to two other children, (one who was later diagnosed with ADHD and with all the energy that Brendon didn't have) and a new city and husband with a new high demanding job. I struggled for many years with being the mom I wanted to be and meeting the needs of my family. Even though I was a former teacher and had a degree in special education, I was in no way prepared for the emotional roller coaster I was riding. One thing that I always enjoyed was running. I completed two three marathons prior to Brendon's birth, one in which I was unknowingly pregnant with Brendon. Following Brendon's birth I continued to run to maintain my sanity. I found that I could release my fears and frustrations as my body pushed to run faster, harder, and through pain. I was able to release some of the emotional pain through vigerous running. I completed another marathon and 1/2 marathon following Brendon's birth. Then life got busy, we moved again, more medical appointments, proceedures, therapy, numerous school meetings, etc. and my running dropped off. I simply didn't have time. I started suffering physical and emotional illness. After almost three years of enduring my own hosiptalizations and medical proceedures, I decided to take controlof my health and sanity again. I began running again this year and completed the courtry music 1/2 marathon mainly because my oldest son who was going off to college at the end of the year suggested it. I was able to connect with him through running. I began to think, maybe this would be something I could share with my three boys. My middle son who had ADHD completed a 5 K with me. I saw a friend of mine Tommy McAuley start a foundation similiar to TEAMHOYT and saw him completing local 5k and 10k races. Brendon began asking me if he could run with me. This got me thinking about how I could connect with him as I was able to connect with Ryan, my oldest and Andrew my middle son. Why not! We began asking questions and found Kathy at Team HOyt very helpful with infomation and contacts and Team McAuley with equipment suggestions. We even discovered Team Rocket that had some great training and race suggestions and tips for running pushing strollers and wheelchairs. I am forever greatful to those that have come before me for inspiring me to think, WHY NOT US! We began training and I stared a blog, we raised money for Muscular Dystrophy which coincidently airs it's Jerry Lewis Telethon on Labor Day. This race will represent the endless possibilities, the acceptnce of the community, the joy of completion of a goal, and the return of mom to sanity. This process even begun a new career path for me in which I will share my writings with others and develop workshops and speaking engagements to encourage others to celeberate the joy in their life and explore all the possiblities. It is so much more than a race for me and my family. It is about acceptance of limitations, accomplishment despite those limitations, community awareness, finding your joy and overcoming fears! I would like to offer a work of gratitude for all who have shared in our journey. If you ask Brendon what this race is about, he'll tell you, "It's all about the medal"! Blessings to all running, and have a blast, I know we will!

Relationship

2008-08-23T14:05:00.000-07:00

God desires relationship with his children. This is what being a mother has been all about. I am very aware with my oldest son having left for college recently the importance of relationship, because when your children are grown, no matter what path they choose to walk, a mom wants a relationship with them. She wants the assurance that they will continue to be in her life, they will choose this because the relationship has been important to them. Running has given me the opportunity and time to reflect on the relationship I have with my children. I am aware that I made many mistakes with my oldest, mistakes resulting from inexperience and lack of confidence in my own abilities. Many of my errors resulted from a very bumpy relationship with my God. Thankfully God provided a path for making an amends, for learning, for developing into the mom he meant me to be. This is an ongoing process open to all who seek to do God's will. I am so grateful that I have been allowed to make mistakes, that I would never be perfect but I would be ok and my children would be ok as long as I sought to do the will of God. Running has provided me the opportunity to connect with all three of my boys. It has given us a shared experience, to work to achieve a goal, to develop a relationship. Tomorrow Brendon and I will set out on our final training run before the marathon with Andrew riding his bike alongside of us. Ryan is now on his own independent path to complete his training since he has officially left for college. We will come together in one week and one day to share another journey, achieve another goal, and strengthen our relationship.

"I will run with persistance the race that is set before me."

Blessings,
Michele

2008-08-10T07:52:00.001-07:00

Perfect Running Conditions

2008-08-10T07:38:00.001-07:00

Today was a perfect weather running day. It was a cool 63 degrees at 6:20 this morning. The sky was bright and clear. I set out for my longest training run, 12 miles. I decided to seek out the paths in my neighborhood I had never ran before. In Sherwood Forest subdivision I picked up a dog. He stayed with me throughout the next 6 miles. Who would have though in the suvdivision there would be roosters. This is one of the things I love doing, hearing different sounds, seeing different sights. There were several steep hills on the first half of my run. The dog continued on trailing me into the next subdivision. I was heading to highway 258 and I was wondering what to do with the dog. There was no way he was going to be safe on that road. Luckily he had a tag on and I called his owner to come get his dog. Back to solo running. I decided to head down a road next to Hunter Middle School I had never gone on before. It turned out to be the best road I've run on yet in Hendersonville. It was about a mile and a half in, flat, shaded, narrow, and not a car in sight. I ran past cows, I love running past cows, they always stop to see what you're doing and follow you with your eyes. I had a brief conversation with them and on I ran. I headed to Beech High School, ran around there for awhile, enjoying watching people getting ready to head to Long Hollow Church for morning worship.

Running is medative for me.I was able to reflect on a presentation I will be doing at a local church. I reflected on the words "differently abled". We tend to think of this term in a negative manner, what a person doesn't have that we perceive they should. Then I started to think about my oldest son Ryan, who will be heading off to college in three short days. I thought of his ability to wrestle, an emotionally difficult and often draining sport. He was also giften in the abilty to play football, aren't these things that make him different from most people, in other words "differently abled"? I certainly wouldn't be able to twist my body and someone elses in the manner necessary to wrestle, and I definitely couldn't take the hits common in football. These things distinguish Ryan from most, they are his differently abled abilities. We all have them, they are Gods gifts to us that make us one of a kind. Discover your abilities, the things that make you stand out, make you different, enjoy them and be grateful for what they bring to your lives.

Happy running, dare to be different!

M

UP HILL RUN

2008-08-08T20:36:00.001-07:00

Straight up hill. Brendon and I tackled for the first time in his stroller the Longview Hill. It was the 12:00, very warm but thankfully a breeze. I can only explain it as God energy. After several warm up hills we headed for the big one. Straight up! PUSHING, PUSHING, SWEATING... But we made it! I wasn't prepared for the downhill which was even harder. With the momentum of the stroller I struggled to keep the pace slow and even. I kept thinking if there was a way to steer this thing I'd just jump on. But we made it both up and down, and then had the flat, even, quiet run to the station camp area. Brendon was an excellent training partner though I forgot the sunscreen and he complained about his legs being hot. The stroller rolled well and was easy to push. We ended up running a little under 10 miles, in a little less than 2 hours. Have a blessed week, until next time...

Rain Running

2008-08-01T17:57:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was a 5 mile run. I was going to run from my house, early. It was very humid and the clouds were getting darker. I was glad I didn't check the weather before I left or I would have missed the opportunity to run in the rain. This is something I hadn't done in awhile and it always makes me feel like a kid. After about a mile it began to slowly drizzle, there was a slight breeze and the air was humid. The rain came down harder. More running with the rain dripping down my head, glad I had on a cap. A few more minutes and my clothes, shoes and socks were soaked. This is fun! To run in the elements really is exhilarating. Remember when you were a kid and jumping in the puddles was so much fun, the wetter the better? That's what it felt like and noone would think I was silly because I was exercising anyway.

There was ne problem, I had on my favorite running shorts, the ones I've had for years. The problem with these shorts is they are a little big and as they got wetter and wetter they began to slip from my hips. What to do.......... I battled my shorts a few more steps. I actually considered taking them off because I couldn't keep them on, they kept slipping farther and farther. I had on boy short underwear, you know just like the gals on the Olympic track team, no big deal right? This thought kept me occupied a few more minutes. The pros, the cons, the neighbors. What to do, body isn't quite that of an Olympic athlete so somehow I've got to keep the shorts ON MY HIPS! Finally a solution, roll the shorts up, and tuck them into the elastic of my underwear. My shirt was long and covered the top of my shorts. Rain running,nothing like it and with the extra challenge of keeping my shorts on the time flew by. Run, train, have fun, get really wet, jump in the puddles, just remember don't wear shorts that are too big in the rain.

One month until the Labor Day 1/2 marathon!

Special Moms

2008-07-20T17:06:00.000-07:00

This weekend I had the opportunity to spend four days with some other moms from my special moms group. This is a group of ladies who all have children with special needs. These women have inspired me with their stories. Isn't that what God wants us to do, share our stories? We were able to laugh, talk, laugh some more and even get a little teary eyed! IT WAS GREAT! Everyone needs friends like these.

Thank you to my friends for what you gave to me to lift my spirit and nourish my soul! In sharing your stories I know that I am not alone:
Thank you D. for providing the home, for sharing your challenge in getting your hubby to take care of himself. I can so relate.
To C. for reminding me to not forget to be a woman and that being married can be fun. I have met a new friend.
To J. for your openness in saying, I LOVE YOU, words we often feel but rarely say outside our family
To H. for your spiritual insight, for reminding me to give without expectation and to pay attention to that God voice.

You are all amazing, beautiful and strong women, I am grateful to have you in my life!

I was also able to run this weekend, 8 miles in the state park. I saw raccoons, a whole line of them munching with very little concern for me. It was quiet and beautiful. The run itself was a little tougher than usual because I forgot to eat. After 40 minutes I was beginning to struggle with the thought, Why am I doing this! But much like life, I kept on running knowing that it would eventually be over and I would feel great. Which I did. Keep on going, life gets better, and the rewards are great.

I read this from Richard Rohr: If you can't run, like my Brendon can't find something else, honor your body.
St. Paul says in his analogy of the body, "if one part is hurt, all parts are hurt with it. If one part is given special honor, all parts enjoy it…[and] it is precisely the parts of the body that seem to be the weakest which are the indispensable ones, and it is the least honorable parts of the body that we clothe with the greatest care" (I Corinthians 12:26, 22-23).

Blessings,
M

Blind Running

2008-07-13T14:27:00.000-07:00

Today was my long run. I wasn't sure when this week I would be able to get in the 8 mile long run that was part of my training this week. And putting it on my calendar in advance for some reason leads me to dread the day. Today was a relaxed Sunday, with no agenda, a perfect time to run. The sky was cloudy and the temperatures were in the low 80's, a little humid but thankfully cloud cover.

I have been wanting to run the big hill off Long Hollow, straight up, but have always found an excuse to not run it. Today was the day. Straight up I went, it was long. I used the distance to run with my eyes closed, something I will do on a hill that is really hard. I put myself in the place of a person with blindness. How is the world different from that point of view? I close my eyes, thinking of Gavin, my friends son who has blindness as a result of prematurity. I thought of the person this year who completed the Country Music Marathon. How did they do it? I tried to pay attention to the sounds. It was quiet. And I became aware. I could only close my eyes a few minutes before I'd had to see what was going on. I would test myself trying to run a little longer with my eyes closed. On one of my blind trials I began veering off the road, opening my eyes just before I ran off the road. All you runners out there, try it, view the world from a different perspective. Appreciate the great gift our eyes are and the utter awe of those without their sight and how God allows them to view the world.

The rest of the run was peaceful. I love runs like the one I did today. It was quiet, with sights to see, hay bales, a family of quail, the stream that is very low right now, a few cars, a smashed turtle, and frog in the road, some buzzards. I was comfortable.

"I will run with perseverance the race that is set before me"

Blessings for a peaceful day,

Michele

July 4 5K

2008-07-08T16:48:00.000-07:00

Happy July 4th to everyone. Nine years ago, today I was beginning a journey I would never have chosen but now would never change. today is Brendon's 9th birthday. We celebrated by doing our first 5K race. The weather was humid but cool and cloudy, with a light drizzle at the start that ended shortly after we crossed the start line. Andrew, Ryan and I started out pushing Brendon. The course was hilly but not steep. It was a little crowded at the start, even though we were at the end of the pack. Negotiating and trying not to run anyone over with the stroller was a challenge and Ryan and I were trying to figure out how to run together with Brendon. My goal was to get to two miles and have Ryan take over toward the finish. I made it... almost. Heading up a hill around mile two, I was feeling tired. I wasn't getting into a smooth rhythm. My breathing was heavy, I ws sweating and was worried about running someone over. I noticed I was going to have to be patient. We would get behind a person or group of people and couldn't just whip around them. So we followed, watched and waited for an opportunity to pass. Another opportunity to practice patience. I was prepared for this to happen but it didn't make things easier. I think the mental energy was making me physically tired. I've never been very good at patience. So right before mile two I ad Ryan take over with little effort he pushed Brendon. I struggled to keep up. Ryan and Brendon were ready to take off. Mom was hanging back, saying,"slow down!" "Come on mom, let's go, mom's slow, are you ready mom?" These were the questions fired off from Brendon and Ryan. But they were smiling , enjoying the energy of youth and making fun with their old mom.

The finish line was quickly approaching. "Are you ready mom...ok, let's go", and away we went. "I am focusing my eyes on the prize that is set before me." was the only thing I could think of. At the finish the cameras awaited as Fox 17 news was doing a story on us. All I could think of was, "I can't pass out here with the cameras rolling, gotta make it look good, don't make such a scrunchy pained face for the camera!" And across we ran in 29:24. YEA!

Relief and gratitude and a sense of accomplishment, under 30 minutes, pushing a stroller, I was surprised at my own ability. I couldn't have done it without the encouragement of my boys. I was so grateful to Ryan, he slowed down to allow us all to finish, he could have zoomed past me! I'm proud of Andrew who finished a little behind us. We are now a running family. Hot, sweaty, but newly energized, we met Scott Couch with Fox 17 for our interview. I was able to be somewhat articulate though I can only imagine what I looked like! I probably should have hid behind the stroller. We'll see, the interview airs tonight on Fox 17 news at 9:00.

Blessings, and thanks for being a part of our story.

Perseverance

2008-07-03T04:16:00.000-07:00

Gosh sometimes the my limitations in handling frustrations are so present. Ten minutes into the posting of this blog, because I forgot my password I was ready to say forget it, it's not worth it. But I persevered and here I am.

Great news, Rachel and I talked (she and their husband have started a non profit organization called Team Mcally). Because of my purchase of the running stroller Advanced Medical will be donating two strollers to their organization. Yea.

Update on the stroller, they delivered the wrong one, and are to pick it up. It was scheduled to be picked up yesterday! Guess what, it's still sitting on my porch! I hate ordering by mail, especially when it's something large like this. Almost without fail, I end up with a problem to solve. Another opportunity to persevere!

Perseverance has been the gift taking action to bring to the awareness the needs of children with special needs. Through the perseverance of training for the marathon I am putting my story out there. My son is a visible reminder of all that is possible if we just persevere. The strength comes is we have the courage to trust.

For all my friends and family, Fox 17 locally will be doing a feature story on Brendon as we will be doing our first training run this July 4 in Hendersonville at Drakes Creek park. So all you local friends I will let you know when it is aired. Wouldn't it be great if it got picked up nationally? Let's keep our fingers crossed. I am working to make a contact in Virginia. Anyone know anyone?

"So run with perseverance the race that is set before you!"

Minor Annoyance

2008-06-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

Life is filled with minor annoyances. Little things that happen on a daily basis that make our life inconvenient, frustrating and downright stressful. How we choose to handle these events determines our peace of mind in any given moment. Today was one of those days. The running stroller finally arrived, a week ago. It has been sitting in our garage for a week because I was relying on my husband to put it together. As it came in a little box, I anticipated hundreds of pieces with complex directions and frankly was not up to it so I asked my husband to handle it. Today, he had the time and put it together. Into the bedroom he came, while I was relaxing and reading to let me know it did not look like the stroller that I had borrowed from Tommy. Upon investigation, it is the wrong stroller. GREAT!! Just GREAT! (and a few other words) Back to the receipt, and return policy on the Internet, phone call, e-mail and wait until Monday to see what the outcome is. I'm just not sure if the error is mine (which I have automatically assumed, and the error I've already figured out will cost me $200.00) or the error was on the part of the company. Why am I jumping to conclusions without waiting for the customer service to call me back? Why am I putting myself through the worst case scenario? All I can do at this point is to wait until Monday.

These are the little events that occur as a result of living life. Compared to the big things, death, financial ruin, illness, is this really such a big deal? But these are the daily events I often choose to go crazy over!

I think I'll concentrate on paying attention to all the things that go smoothly in my life, at least until the next annoyance!

Have a blessed day, pay attention to all things that occure without incident, inconvenience or annoyance!

M

"I am running, with perseverance the race that is set before me."

Humility

2008-06-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

I will never in my life have as much humility as Brendon. This is something that comes naturally to him, and I have to work hard at everyday! Brendon knows the humility of relying on others. When you can't dress yourself, use the restroom or even turn over in bed you know humility and the importance of relying on others. You know the importance of having others in your life to help you. You know that God didn't leave you in this world to be alone, or to figure things out for yourself. I often have thought with sadness that Brendon would never be able to run, do yoga, or anything the physically active can do. Over time I have changed my thinking. But there are things Brendon experiences that I may never know. I may never know the total dependence on others and the faith that my needs will be met through no action on my part. I will probably not be featured on a television news cast, get to fly as copilot in an airplane, have a group of Tennessee Tech students work to modify a bicycle for me, be a guest at the Shriners Circus or any of the other numberous things Brendon has been able to do because of his disability. As his mother I am challenged to figure out ways to include Brendon and this year he will get to cross the finish line of a 1/2 marathon. How many 9 year old children can accomplish this, or are even given the opportunity to do it? I have become willing to accept his disability not as a negative event in his life but an opportunity to think of things in another way. God has given me all I need to take care of him and God will continue to put people in his path that will be there for him. For this I am grateful.

" You've had more than enough teachings. You have been given everything you need in order to be free. It's time for you to go out in the world and live a happy life!" -Eat, Pray, Love p. 313

M

Thank You Team Hoyt

2008-06-18T16:12:00.000-07:00

I would like to thank first Tommy Mcauley (at T.E.A.M Mcauley, check out their non profit) for the use of your stroller, for being at local races and showing me what is possible for a running mom, and for inspiring me to take my own physical journey with Brendon. Thank you for also connecting me to TEAM Hoyt http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cS596VsNEOE, this is a father son who raced with his son in the 60's, an unheard of feat at the time. I think you will be moved by this short video. Thank you all parents who have come before me to make the road a little easier for Brendon and I. And thank you for all the parents taking wondrous journeys and putting their children out there for all to enjoy.

Brendon is going to be a celebrity again, many of you got to see him last year at the MDA telethon Labor Day 2007. Scott Couch from Fox 17 will be doing a follow up story on Brendon for the 2008 telethon on our new journey to finish the Virginia Beach Marathon. More detail to come.

June 5, 2008: Orange Beach, AL First Training Day

2008-06-18T14:25:00.001-07:00

June 5, 2008

Today was the first day to run with Brendon. We are in Orange Beach, AL. It bagan with the frustration of unfolding and putting together the stroller. It looked so simple when Larry and Tommy showed me. When all else fails read the directions, that didn’t help, more frustration. Just 5 seconds before the cursing ws going to take place, sanity returned and a quick “help me” prayer was sent up to whatever power available. It worked, levers were fastened, poles in place, locked and loaded we set out. I had already scoaped out the route, pretty straight and with a side walk. It was exactly 8:30 am, Brendon was the timekeeper. Note to self, get a good training watch. A cell phone will work in a pinch, sunglasses, water, Chap Stick, wash cloth (to absorb the sweat), ball cap and room key, we set out. HOT, we should have set out earlier, partly cloudy, sun strong, light breeze and 78 degrees, humid! 10 minutes, sweat dripping, thank you for the wash cloth, essential for keeping sweat out of the eyes. 15 minutes in, bathroom break, at this pace we’ll never finish> Now we’re ready! Prayers, are continual companion, we’re on our way. Finally a rhythm and pace is set. With Brendon keeping track of the time we’re on our way. I keep my mind clear by constant prayer; the rosary works great for this. Brendon hums and makes up songs. Brendon tries to tell me something. “What?”, I respond. I can’t make out what he is saying. “Talk LOUDER,” after several exchanges like this I hear what he is saying. He comments, “When you’re breathing hard, does it help if I sing songs?” Absolutely, joy I feel and all the sweat, heat and fatigue disappears with this simple exchange.

48 minutes later, we’re done. Short cool down walk, Brendon begins to complain, the hat, and the shoulder harness is bothering him. Because his neck is so stiff, he sometimes gets uncomfortable. Be grateful for a neck that moves from side to side. I have to solve this problem before the race.

We made it, now coffee, sit down, put on swim suit and head to the pool!

M.

“I am fighting the good fight, I am running a strong race, I am keeping the faith”

Written June 4, 2008

2008-06-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

June 4, 2008

Everyone should have the opportunity to set and achieve goals, family members of those with disabilities are no different. On Labor Day, 2008 Brendon, his older brother Ryan and I will set out to complete the Virginia Beach ½ marathon. Brendon’s two brothers have been blessed with bodies that can endure the vigorous demands of physical exercise and sports. Both participate in football, wrestling and a variety of other physical challenges. Brendon is being given the opportunity to finish a race, his physical body cannot complete with out help. Ryan and I will be his legs, he will be our motivation, our heart.

I have completed the initial steps, to get in shape, get permission and make arrangements with the race directors and have even been able to raise the $785.00 cost of the stroller. On with the training.

2008-06-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

About Running Mom's Brendon:

Pregnancy was uneventful. I felt good, had energy and got good reports on my regular check ups, and at 7 lbs ½ oz., a little smaller that the 8 lbs 2 oz and 9 lbs 11 oz of my other boys, we were unconcerned. However, there were a few unusual circumstances that made Brendon’s birth different from that of his brothers Ryan (now 18) and Andrew (now 12). He had early apgars of 6 and later 8, but he had a dislocated left hip and right knee. On day two the orthopedist showed up to cast his right knee. It was bigger than he was, and a little imposing, and I was to discover this was going to draw attention and questions which required explanations from family, friends and total strangers. He wore a hip harness for the first 6 months of his life. This was just the first of many visual differences and equipment which would draw curious looks and attention and become an everyday part of Brendon’s anatomy. Anonymous, Brendon was not going to be.

As I describe our current journey toward another new finish line, I cannot help to reflect on other paths explored, hopefully I will be able to do this in a way that makes sense to the reader.

This will be Brendon’s first ½ marathon, a distance of 13.1 miles. However, in pregnancy Brendon bounced inside me while I completed the Honolulu marathon in December of 1998, a distance of 26.2 miles. Little did I know during my training, following a 20 mile distance run that I was pregnant. I remember a cold, chilling November training run. I decided to go to the doctor because I had at the time a cold which did not seem to be going away. My menstrual cycle was halted, but this is not unusual in any strenuous training program. The doctor decided to do a pregnancy test just in case. When she came back into the room and informed me I was pregnant, I said there was no way. We bantered back and forth before the realization sunk in. I headed to my OBGYN to discuss my condition and get reassurance that the training had’t inflicted any harm on the developing fetus. I asked if I was going to be unable to run the marathon. He assured me that he was unconcerned, though he wouldn’t advise any new mother beginning this type of training. Since I was already in shape and the baby was used to the training, there would be no harm in continuing. He cautioned me to be sure to take it easy, not going for any records, rest if needed, hydrate and pay attention to nutrition. I took his advice, finishing the race in less than 6 hours, it took forever. I stopped at the aid stations to get my vitals checked, drank lots of water, digested protein and took advantage of every port a potty along the way, onward we went. Just for the curious, in no way did the distance racing contribute to Brendon’s disability. Muscular Dystrophy is a genetic condition and is no way caused by any pregnancy factors.

As in any long distance race, I have stopped to rest, paid attention to the needs of my physical body, gotten filled up, emptied out, slowed down to prevent running out of energy, paid attention to injury prevention and sped up to keep up with the crowd and ventured off the path, often being dragged back on course, sometimes willingly and many times not. But I have endured. I have grown in physical strength, emotional stability, mental capacity but most noticeable in spiritual dimension. I continually reference my higher power, whom I chose to call God. I hope to encourage and instill a desire to persevere despite challenges toward a deeper joy. Persevere with faith, humility and love. Mostly I hope to inspire you to find your joy, your passion, the thing you seek with the power you need. Ambitious, RIGHT! Possible, ABSOLUTELY!!! Please comment, offer suggestions, celebrate and share your story with me. Follow me, run beside me and forge ahead of me to achieve your own desires, reach your own goals and endure all this life has to offer. Blessings for joy!

M

“I am fighting the good fight, I am running a strong race, I am keeping the faith”

2008-06-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

Let me first dispense with the general facts about me. I am middle age, have been married for 20 years and have three sons, Ryan 18, Andrew 12 and Brendon soon to be 9. I have been through, like anyone else my age many ups and downs, twists and turns in the journey we call life. This blog will speak to my journey toward acceptance and joy through the challenges of raising a child with a disability, being a mother of three sons and being married 20 years.
Brendon my youngest son has muscular dystrophy, a genetic condition present at birth that doesn't allow his muscles to keep up with the growing demands of his body. He travels by a power driven wheelchair, attends a regular elementary school with an assistant, and enjoys being active. He is healthy, filled with joy and courageous with an unending supply of patience. He is the happiest, most content person I have ever known. He is a continual source of amazement for me and all who know him.

I have set out to achieve an adventurous goal: TO RUN THE VIRGINIA BEACH 1/2 MARATHON WITH MY 18 YEAR OLD SON AND MY 9 YEAR OLD SON WHO HAS MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY, with my husband and 12 year old cheering us on. Ambitious, maybe, crazy a little but it can be done and has been done by others. I want to cronicle our progress toward the marathon finish line and beyond. Join me and share your experience and inspiration with us on this journey!