Sometimes life can be difficult. People, and circumstances cause frustration, disappointment, and hurt. I have come to believe that most of the time people do not do things out of spite and vindictiveness but out of a un knowing. Who among us can truly know all that one person is feeling or facing, none on this early but only God. That can make encounters with others difficult to say the least. I have been confronted with difficult attitudes many times this summer. Brendon is home for the summer and I am enjoying spending time with him and just doing fun things like Vacation Bible School, swimming at the pool, and going to the library. We have had a busy summer, but it has not been without social challenge.
It seems to be that everyday I take him out there is some attitudinal barrier I have to face, a barrier that comes from an unknowing on another’s part, but that does not seem to make the feelings of frustration, anger and hurt disappear. Going to vacation bible school has been such an accepting event for us, the staff and volunteers have been most gracious and we have not been met with what I term “the look”, that expression we encounter when Brendon shows up in a wheelchair seeming to be so different from what others are used to. Most parents of special needs kids know “the look” well. It was the getting into the building that presented the challenge. On numerous occasions cars were illegally parked in the “accessible parking” spaces (what is now the preferred term for the “handicapped parking” spaces). This is not a new problem we often face, but it is one that continues to occur and thus causes great frustration. Sure I know the person usually thinks they are just going to zip in and out of the space and no harm will be done. But in the time they take to zip in, we are searching for a safe place to park our car. Knowing the person usually is not performing their action as some sort of vendetta against me does not seem to help the feelings that seem to rise to the surface with this simple action.
(continued…)
Friday, June 26, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
The Changing Role of a Mom
(Struggling to Define My Part in Helping My Child Reach Manhood)
Lately I have been suffering from a writing dry spell (evident from my lack of posts). I have been running gathering little inspiration and have been just trying to get through the day to day challenges that seem to be rapidly firing at me. I have been consumed with life’s challenges, “living life on Life’s terms” as I’ve heard from program friends. This has forced me to once again turn to God for direction and answers. If you “truly have formed my inmost being” as Psalm 139:13 says than I must have trust that you will guide me through this new phase of parenting if only I turn toward you.
I quickly realized I was going to have to redefine my role as parent to my oldest son. I thought I was prepared but little did I know the emotional roller coaster I would enter into as my oldest son came home after completing his freshman year of college (making the Deans list I must add). From the moment he entered the door chaos erupted. His entrance should have been my first clue that something was going to happen, and most likely it wasn’t going to be good! He entered our home dropping smelly shoes, dirty underwear and a vast array of boxes, bags, and containers spilling over with junk, making a trail toward his “old” room. He, and I hate to admit, I had assumed that things would go on as usual. He assuming his home was his home, and he could reside here under any circumstance and I assuming that I would have some control over his activities and comings and goings.
This was not to be the case. He resisted every “rule”, every restriction and boundary. Mass chaos erupted and I hate to admit I played a part in the drama. I had no idea what to do, what was within the ranges of “normal” and what was not. I struggled to define my new role as my young adult son’s mother. I thought I knew what to expect. I have friends that have gone through this. I listened to their stories. I thought I was prepared. But to prepare for an emotion that has yet to happen I discovered is impossible. Sure you can listen to those friends, take their suggestions and be affirmed that good, bad, or ugly you will get through it.
If I believe that God truly has formed my inmost being than I had to have faith and once again trust the inmost being God formed for my son. I had to accept that he would make lots of mistakes, mistakes made by every human being walking the face of the earth since the beginning of time. Unfortunately we learn the most valuable lessons not through the experience of others, their mistakes, shortcomings and successes but through our own. We must each journey on our own path and no two paths are exactly the same. Others can help us on the way sharing their experience, strength and hope but only God knows our inmost being and we are here to discover that which he has installed in us. Only God, since he hold the blueprint of our development can guide us to discover those places within ourselves yet to be discovered.
As I enter into this new role, I am finding I am making lots of mistakes, they seem to be the same mistakes made by parents since the beginning of time. It is difficult, painful and exhausting. Sometimes there appears to be no end to the process but on other days there appears to be a glimmer of hope as I see my son not resisting me as strongly and would actually do something I asked him to do.
My solution as I have found in any difficult and painful life situation is to turn toward God. I have relied partly to my running meditation. God is directing my feet as I have logged in many exerting miles on the road. I am finding that my running is more intense, more difficult and I am sweating profusely. This is giving me some relief. I have also been talking to those that have gone before me and actually trying to listen to their experience. Finding a sympathetic ear has offered some relief. Each of these activities keeps directing me toward God for my answers and has allowed me to trust the process knowing that only God know my path and the path of my son. He will guide me and him no matter what the choices we make and if we allow him, he will give us peace. I am beginning to learn this and feel Gods loving hand on my shoulder. My prayer is that my son also feel this love.
Blessings to all my running cohorts, and my moms struggling to discover their new role.
June 24, 2009
Trust, commitment, perseverance, acceptance
(Struggling to Define My Part in Helping My Child Reach Manhood)
Lately I have been suffering from a writing dry spell (evident from my lack of posts). I have been running gathering little inspiration and have been just trying to get through the day to day challenges that seem to be rapidly firing at me. I have been consumed with life’s challenges, “living life on Life’s terms” as I’ve heard from program friends. This has forced me to once again turn to God for direction and answers. If you “truly have formed my inmost being” as Psalm 139:13 says than I must have trust that you will guide me through this new phase of parenting if only I turn toward you.
I quickly realized I was going to have to redefine my role as parent to my oldest son. I thought I was prepared but little did I know the emotional roller coaster I would enter into as my oldest son came home after completing his freshman year of college (making the Deans list I must add). From the moment he entered the door chaos erupted. His entrance should have been my first clue that something was going to happen, and most likely it wasn’t going to be good! He entered our home dropping smelly shoes, dirty underwear and a vast array of boxes, bags, and containers spilling over with junk, making a trail toward his “old” room. He, and I hate to admit, I had assumed that things would go on as usual. He assuming his home was his home, and he could reside here under any circumstance and I assuming that I would have some control over his activities and comings and goings.
This was not to be the case. He resisted every “rule”, every restriction and boundary. Mass chaos erupted and I hate to admit I played a part in the drama. I had no idea what to do, what was within the ranges of “normal” and what was not. I struggled to define my new role as my young adult son’s mother. I thought I knew what to expect. I have friends that have gone through this. I listened to their stories. I thought I was prepared. But to prepare for an emotion that has yet to happen I discovered is impossible. Sure you can listen to those friends, take their suggestions and be affirmed that good, bad, or ugly you will get through it.
If I believe that God truly has formed my inmost being than I had to have faith and once again trust the inmost being God formed for my son. I had to accept that he would make lots of mistakes, mistakes made by every human being walking the face of the earth since the beginning of time. Unfortunately we learn the most valuable lessons not through the experience of others, their mistakes, shortcomings and successes but through our own. We must each journey on our own path and no two paths are exactly the same. Others can help us on the way sharing their experience, strength and hope but only God knows our inmost being and we are here to discover that which he has installed in us. Only God, since he hold the blueprint of our development can guide us to discover those places within ourselves yet to be discovered.
As I enter into this new role, I am finding I am making lots of mistakes, they seem to be the same mistakes made by parents since the beginning of time. It is difficult, painful and exhausting. Sometimes there appears to be no end to the process but on other days there appears to be a glimmer of hope as I see my son not resisting me as strongly and would actually do something I asked him to do.
My solution as I have found in any difficult and painful life situation is to turn toward God. I have relied partly to my running meditation. God is directing my feet as I have logged in many exerting miles on the road. I am finding that my running is more intense, more difficult and I am sweating profusely. This is giving me some relief. I have also been talking to those that have gone before me and actually trying to listen to their experience. Finding a sympathetic ear has offered some relief. Each of these activities keeps directing me toward God for my answers and has allowed me to trust the process knowing that only God know my path and the path of my son. He will guide me and him no matter what the choices we make and if we allow him, he will give us peace. I am beginning to learn this and feel Gods loving hand on my shoulder. My prayer is that my son also feel this love.
Blessings to all my running cohorts, and my moms struggling to discover their new role.
June 24, 2009
Trust, commitment, perseverance, acceptance
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