Spirituality through Community

Living the spiritual life is obtained through living in community. Spirituality is often discovered in solitude through meditation, reading, thinking, etc. but it can only be fulfilled in community. We were designed to live in relationship with others. Spirituality as Kurtz and Ketcham (The Spirituality of Imperfection, 1992) describe “ is nurtured in community, the oneness with others that springs from shared vision and shared goal, shared memory and shared hope.”

It is through the sharing of stories, one to another that relationship is built. Often because of the work I do, I get the opportunity to share, be a participant in another person’s story. It is through these relational encounters that I get to share the heartache and pain evident in another’s experience. Participation in support groups, having coffee with a friend, joining an online group chat are just a few ways in which we connect in community through shared stories.


Often we reach out for advice and support. Often our own pain is evident in dialogue. Seeking the support of a community not only gives one a listening ear but also a forum for discovering solutions. This is the role community plays in the fulfillment of our spiritual purpose. Hopefully our encounters with others offer peace. This is the nature of spiritual community involvement.

No one can fully understand another person’s pain, only God. He hears us in the darkness of our anxiety, sits with us in our frustration and anger, and calls us to faith. This is what spirituality in solace does for us. It is through this silent reflection that we are able to reach beyond our own distress in faith to bring to community our deepest fears.

As a parents of a children with disability, it is through the development of safe relationships that we are able to gather the energy to keep doing what we must do for our children. As parents we carry this safety and faith to others that do not understand in an attempt to get for our children what they need. We move from our own community of support (in the special mom's support group) to the greater community in their unknowing.

There is no greater pain than that of a parent watching their child suffer and being powerless to help. So often we reach out in anger because we are consumed with pain. Stories often demonstrate a parent’s powerlessness. What parents need from community is to feel safety in sharing their stories with others without judgment, defensiveness, or apathy from those that have the power to offer solutions. No person likes to be dependent on others, being humble is difficult for most people. However, when you are vulnerable, as people with disability and their parents are, you have little choice. In my experience I had to reach beyond the four walls of my own home and ask and accept the help of others, often strangers. This can be the ultimate action of faith, to reach out despite fear, frustration, and anger in the hope of discovering community support. It has often yielded positive results and the fulfillment of spirituality.

Sometimes reaching out as an act of faith can yield less than favorable results, as the following story demonstrates. Being humble, asking for community support no matter what the outcome is the work of the spirit. For no matter what the response is there is one that holds all our answers. God is the only one who knows what is in the heart of everyone even the person or community that seems less than welcoming.


As a former educator, I learned about research based, result oriented approaches to intervention. “An emphasis on parent involvement has given way to a family-centered approach in which families have the power to direct the service that they and their children, receive.” (Partnerships with Families, Stoneman and Rugg) This is not always practiced in the systems approach to interventions. It is often forgotten that first: families care deeply about their children. Second: families want to do what they need to do to help their children and be cooperative but often are consumed with grief and distress over some condition relating to their child’s disability. And third and most importantly: we are dealing with human beings, subject to all the complexities that entails. Remembering this, whether there is agreement or not (healthy conflict as Parker Palmer describes) the best interest of all involved, a seeking to understand that which cannot be understood fully we participate in the spiritually of community.

Embracing the Darkness

Embracing the Darkness
August 2, 2009

I have turned a corner, moved out of the place I call “the darkness of the soul” – the place medical professionals call depression. Most of us at one time or another have experienced some type of depression whether situational (evoked by some painful or distressing life event” or medical (clinical in nature). The dark place is uncomfortable, frustrating and most of all frightening. But it can paradoxically be a place of rest. It is the place where God’s presence is most near, however one must be willing to experience depression in order to feel the healing touch of God. It is not something that one can run from. It must turn into something to be embraced.

The first time a friend suggested embracing depression, I was adamantly against experiencing God in this way. I thought she was crazy and truly did not understand the depth of darkness I experience during these times. After a period of prayerful consideration and a willingness to consider the possibility of embracing all that I am (light and darkness), I began to consider the implication of learning to do this. It would mean accepting a part of me that I really didn’t enjoy, welcome or like. Accepting myself, just as God does – completely and without condition, blame or perfection!

I began to consider with this depressive episode to learn to embrace the darkness. Experience has taught me that the dark corners of my soul would not last forever, and God would move me through it with a new found appreciation for the light when it showed up.

For three days I stayed home, slept a lot read mindless books and watched TV. I also prayed though I had no words. I cannot say I was comfortable, I was enjoying myself in the darkness but I can say I had a measure of peace that God truly was present.

I was able to consider some changes in my life, with relationships, with friends and family, with my professional career and all the obligations I had. Things continue to change as I enter into a different life transition. At this time - entering middle age, children growing, career changing - I enter into a period of discernment as to what God wants me to do. This has been emotional and difficult for me in many ways, the uncertainty and change. This is also a time of excitement and opportunity, even adventurous. My own emotions have been up and down. It is easy to be in a state of depression, but to stay focused on God’s plan, uncertain to me, but perfect in his world requires faith, energy and constant awareness of divine presence.

I cannot fully say that I have embraced my depression but I can say I have gone through another shedding – of fear, anxiety, restlessness. For today I am renewed in God’s love and am at peace. I enter once again to the light in renewed energy for the work God has planned for me.

Blessings and peace to all who face uncertainty, fear and depression.