NEW Lessons from Blind Running

Yesterday I took off on a 50 minute run around the neighborhood. It began as one of those runs you just know from the beginning is going to be difficult. It was a little too warm, the sun was strong, and it was windy, which made my lips feel dry and my mouth feel thirsty. This was part of my scheduled training and I knew I wouldn't be able to make this run up at any other time in the week so off I went.

I was coming to the last 15 minutes, almost home, with one last steady, uphill climb. The feeling of fatigue, dryness and warmth had increased and I was really ready to have this run behind me. To make matters worse I was having difficulty focusing my mind on staying spiritually connected. I decided to rely on my blind running meditation to hopefully get me to the end. I do this with the intention to focusing on the other senses, which are often neglected because of my dependence on visual stimulus.

I have been working on perfecting a method of running with my eyes closed by saying a ritual prayer. I will say 24 words of the prayer with my eyes closed then open my eyes and say the remaining 17 words. I have worked up to the 24 words. I have realized through this practice I can focus on the angle of the sun, the feel of the road as my foot strikes, and the sounds around me. I was reflecting on faith and thought the lesson was to close my eyes while God said, "Trust Me" implying he would not allow me to fall off the path while my eyes were closed. Unlike other times when I have done blind running, it was a real effort, which I perceived as a lack of faith. So I kept up the blind running practice willing my senses to take over, the fear of falling to disappear, all while wrestling with fatigue, thirst, and heat! There was a nudging that I thought was telling me blind running was not working! I viewed this as lack of faith and prayed more diligently for God to increase my faith. My eyes were closed, I was willing my mind to concentrate, I felt the sun on the right side of my face, I had gotten 18 words into my prayer when OOPS! Off the road I fell into the gravel on my hands and knees, the symbol of prayer (interesting that I would land this way). It was so fast, and in that moment I realized I was being ridiculous. I started to laugh. You can't will faith by testing it, thinking what you are doing is Gods will. I realized I was not paying attention at all to what my intuition, my God voice was telling me. He wasn't trying to test my faith by asking me to continue to keep my eyes closed for the 24 words, God doesn't work that way. I had become so distracted by getting to the end of those 24 words that I really wasn't listening to God at all, but instead to my own stubborn ego. What God was really saying, (yelling actually) was: "OPEN YOUR EYES!" It was that simple, that easy, nothing complicated, or thought provoking, but simply open your eyes.

In that moment I realized it was not just about the praying (which I did with my eyes closed), it was about realizing in the prayer what God was telling me to do, the action that follows the prayer, and then taking that action. "OPEN YOUR EYES, take the next action, and I will be with you." This is what faith is about

Running in Community

There are times when running is a solo event, one person, one race, one set of shoes, one breath pattern. I love running alone, just me, my shoes and an open road. There is another type of running that is worthy of exploration, a type of run that will sharpen your focus, test your fitness, and expand your joy. Recently I have discovered the joys of running with a partner. In June of this year I began running with my nine year old son Brendon who has Muscular Dystrophy. He saw me complete many races and wanted to race too! So I began including him. Because he uses a wheelchair I had to get special equipment. Together, with me pushing, we ran up hills (many, many hills), through neighborhoods, at the beach, and away from dogs. The Christie Cookie 5K at the Green Hills YMCA on September 20, 2008 marked the finish of our third race (2 5K's and 1 half marathon). Each race has taken on it's own theme. This race was about community.

I often have difficulty with the 5K race. The crowds, short distance, and unfamiliar trails tend to get in the way of my ever developing a rhythm. I usually don't feel comfortable or have a good pace going until after the first two miles. I get distracted trying to keep up with the other runners. This race was no different. In addition I had to make sure I kept out of the way of other runners with the stroller, found enough open space, and didn't clip any heals. Every step seemed to be an effort. I keep entering these races because:
1. There are plenty of them.
2. I get race practice for my upcoming marathon in November.
3. I get to be with other runners.
But the fourth reason is what motivated me to enter this race:
4. Another opportunity to share moments of joy with my son, to make racing possible for him!

When you run for someone else, it is more than an individual achievement and other racers recognize this. This race was a community event. We were cautious in our passing, and gave plenty of warning when we were coming upon someone. We had to yell out warning and the runners were receptive to us speeding by. We are careful to not intrude on another persons race by running into their heals or bumping up against their sides. In this race there was a long up hill somewhere into mile two. A lady with a grey shirt and red hat named Maria approached us, "I have experience stroller running," she said. "Would you like some help?" "Yes!" "Thank you," I replied. The hill looked exhausting, long and steep! Maria chatted a few minutes with Brendon and I told her a little about our racing together. I was careful to be aware of her race experience and asked if she was OK. I didn't want to take advantage of her generosity. She said she was OK and kept on pushing. I was grateful for the respite and the hill was falling away. With just a little more of the hill to go up,I took over and continued on with Brendon, both of us thanking her for her generosity.

I continued to struggle with my thoughts. Each breath was labored and each step an act of will to finish. Knowing I was partners with Brendon and he needed me to keep going so he could finish gave me the will to persevere. Another intuitive runner, with a yellow shirt, named Claire offered her assistance. With her hands on the stroller and mine at my sides we continued on in partnership, with Brendon finishing as our goal. This brief respite gave me just enough strength to continue. We thanked her for her help and I took over the stroller.

I felt a new sense of energy burst forward. My speed quickened as I faced the final 500 yards. Brendon always loves to go fast and he noticed the quickened pace. Without my two race helpers I am not sure I would have had this final speed. Brendon began his cheers toward the finish. The sprint toward the end is always his favorite part and I was grateful to have had the energy to make it a fast one.

I am grateful for this new found community of runners, the compassionate, thoughtful, attentive, selfless and generous ones, who put their own goals aside to help a running pair reach the same finish line. This sense of community running is not found in the solo experience. These two ladies affirmed my belief that the world is a safe place for my son and there are those who will accept his disability and lend a hand if needed. Thank you to Maria and Claire for being present to the needs of others. I challenge the rest of you runners to shake up the solo experience, become a member of the community of runners, run for someone else, offer a hand, shout out a word of encouragement. There is immense joy to be had in being a member of a community of runners with a shared goal to finish, no matter what they have to do to make that possible for all that enter.

The Struggle to Finish

There are times when I run that it is easy to remain in God's presence, the time floats by without effort. I have come to see these times as gifts. They don't come often and I treasure them. No matter what type of meditation and prayer you practice, whether it is silent meditation or running meditation like myself you will have those times when time is not an issue and the meditation is free and easy.

Yesterday my 16 mile run was not this way. I could feel time, I could feel my knees getting sore and my feet aching. It was a battle to finish. Thoughts kept creeping into my head. I have learned through the practice of spiritual running that you acknowledge the thoughts and let them go. I would focus on my feet hitting the ground, my surroundings, my breath. I would practice one of the scripture passages I have memorized as a mantra. This would bring me consciously into the presence of God once again. I had to do this over and over as my mind kept struggling to go to the challenges I am facing in my life right in the moment.


When I face a challenge I am aware that it is so difficult to turn it over to God and trust that he only has good things planned for my life. And it is even more difficult to believe that all is well in these moments. I have come to believe in running mediation that the run that is a struggle is the most beneficial on the spiritual journey. Because it is a struggle and this is the one we most often engage in on our life's journey, I am also aware this is the reason most people give up on the run, or any exercise. When the going gets tough we have a natural tendency to give up, say I quit, and return to our old habits and inefficiencies. These inefficiencies may not produce the outcome we desire and they do not lead to the spiritual path but they are comfortable and familiar, like an old running shoe.

An old running shoe must be discarded when it is no longer useful. The cushioning breaks down, it gets worn and begins to give us problems. Old patterns of thought, old ways, ineffective methods must be discarded to make room for the new, and the spiritual. Don't be afraid, keep running on the path, keep reflecting and acknowledging the old and letting it go. Know that for all of us on the spiritual path the difficult run, the one you are not sure you will make it through, is the one that is most effective, as it is what happens when we seek God's will in our lives. So keep running, keep persisting, keep grounded in the movement and come to enjoy the spiritual path.

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, and never to harm you."

Blessings and keep on the spiritual running path.

Complete Your Ideas

Yesterday I set out on a 60 minute run. I am now running toward a new goal, a new finish line. In November I will run the San Antonio marathon, as I have not run a full marathon since Brendon was 2 years old. I have come to enjoy running again and more than that it has become another path toward God and coming to know myself. Through running I have not only gotten in better shape, but I have been able to come to a clearer path toward God. Notice I said clearer, this implies that the path is not always clear.


Yesterday as I set out it was 5:30, it was dark. Now that my schedule has changed as a result of not having a traditional job, I no longer set out to go downtown, usually arriving by 6:00 to run around downtown and the Vanderbilt area. I miss those runs. Since I have established an early morning routine with running I figured I better continue it, I am following through on my plan. I was aware of my surroundings in a new way and ran in my familiar neighborhood until the light began to shine on a new day.

I began to think of incomplete ideas and plans, follow through, and immediately recognized this as an area I must pay attention to. This thought was sparked by watching a show that I find hilarious, "The New Adventures of Old Christine" with Julia Louise Dryfis. I have always loved her comedy as it connects to real, crazy, usually not talked about but often thought about, part of myself. Yesterday it was about starting plans and never finishing. I began thinking as I was running about all the great ideas, thoughts, and plans I have managed to bring to completion and those that have fallen by the waste side. Some of the thoughts I have been able to put into practice, this blog for one. It came to me one day as a way to chronicle my journey toward a life path and a spiritual journey. It has motivated me to keep in touch, I have come to depend on it as a way to deepen my relationships with others.

How many times do we in our own life have ideas, make plans, even go so far as sign up, and buy the equipment and then don't follow through. Exercise may be one of those activities. Of course I am not staying that all ideas are meant to be completed and require action on our part. Some thoughts are better left unsaid, undone and incomplete. It is the discernment of those things that I believe often keeps people from, as the Nike saying goes, "Just Doing It". It is our fear of our own failure, or even our fear of our success that prevents people from taking action. Sometimes things just don't turn out as we had expected and the natural response is to believe we were some how a failure. This is not the truth as I have come to experience. Some of my greatest failures have lead to some of the greatest successes. "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and to never harm you." This is one of my running mantras taken from the bible. Sorry to the Baptists and others who can remember the exact book of the bible and the verse number, my Catholic mind, which has never been grounded in memorizing bible verses as a regular practice, just doesn't seem to remember that detail. But what I do remember are the things that speak to me through meditation and prayer or daily life experience and I make a commitment to memorizing them. Running is an excellent opportunity to do this as you have many miles and lots of time depending on the length of your run, to commit to memory those things that speak to you on the road.

In the verse, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and to never harm you", I am reminded that I am not God. I cannot always know the reasons behind the actions I take, nor am I supposed to as then I am assuming the role of God. The important thing is to take the action. I always learn something. Either it is something I am to avoid or something I am to explore further. Taking action on the ideas that come to me allows me to deepen my relationship with my God, to help me to know myself in a deeper and more complete way.

So take off on your own journey whether it be running, waiting in the car pool lane, or sitting in church. Begin to write down the things that come to you in the daily routine of living your life. Meditate and pray on these things and take action. In this way you are fulfilling the role God intended for you.

The Extraordinary

So much of life is lived in the ordinary. I have been on a quest to help my family and Brendon in particular to live in the ordinary, and enjoy the all the ordinary moments. He goes to school with kids his age, vacation with the family, sporting events cheering for his brothers (and the Volunteers and Titans when we can), YMCA after school care, swimming, movies, etc. Often we have to think of ways to do things differently by accessing special seating, parking, equipment, restroom access, food Brendon can eat, hotel rooms that are big enough etc. to make these events as ordinary as possible. To make our life ordinary has often been frustrating, we don't get the opportunity to be anonymous. Even going to WalMart elicits glances, and comments. Every ordinary experience is an opportunity to educate and demonstrate to others, we are more alike than different. Sometimes this can be exhausting and frustrating for a mom. (Luckily I am at a stage in my life that it doesn't matter if I have make up on or not.) But I long ago accepted my role as educator and advocate because somewhere along the journey I realized this is what God intended me to be.

HOWEVER, sometimes you get the opportunity to do something EXTRAORDINARY. Those events and moments need to be celebrated and shared because those are the things that inspire and cause change. Running and completing the Virginia Beach 1/2 Marathon has been one of these EXTRAORDINARY experiences for me. From the moment Brendon got in the car and said, "This is going to be fun Mommy," I knew this was going to be an event to remember. We spent Friday afternoon reveling in the marathon exhibit experience. We got our race numbers (yes Brendon got his). We went on to meet Dick and Rick Hoyt. For the Hoyts marathon racing has become an ordinary experience. Most observers recognize what they do as extraordinary but from what I know of being a mom of a child with a disability, it's about the love a parent has for their child. a love that will often push a parent beyond their own limits to bring joy to their child's life. It's about creating your own story, what becomes ordinary to you. Their story is so powerful because it is an example of love and that is what inspires and encourages others such as Brendon and myself. We took pictures and got autographs. While at their booth we met another couple of racers who were also in wheelchairs. I recognized they were waiting and apologized for being in the way. They both smiled and said "patience". I knew exactly what they meant as I have observed the same patience in Brendon. We snapped a quick picture after a few minutes of conversation about the race.

Saturday we took it easy at the beach. My boys have always enjoyed the ordinary events of a beach vacation. Swimming, riding the waves, digging in the sand have entertained them for hours and this trip was no exception. What was helpful was the accessibility of the beaches. They had a boardwalk access to all the shops and wooden walkways leading to the sand, close to the water so the pushing in the stroller was minimal and easy. While Andrew surfed the waves, Brendon headed out on Ryan's shoulders to splash around. We headed home early to get rest for the big race.

4:30 AM Sunday, race day, everyone was in various stages of alertness. After dressing in our race ware, filling up water bottles, putting on the time chips and race numbers, gathering up other various essentials we headed out. We arrived in the dark, in plenty of time to participate in some prerace standing, chatting, and observing the excitement. We got to go directly to the front of the start line as we were starting with the wheelchair racers. I chatted with a mom helping her daughter who is on the wheelchair track team, this was her first 1/2 marathon. I talked to a young man and his mom. He had just completed the Country Music 1/2 Marathon in April. We made a connection as we discussed the hills. I expressed my admiration in his ability to do the up hill in his wheelchair. It was hard enough on two legs. The participants of TEAMHOYT began arriving in strollers and modified chairs. I talked with some of the pushers (a combinations of parents, family members and friends) and riders (those with disabilities), a few being sound asleep. We took pictures, and filmed video. Then it was time to kiss Andrew and Larry and move toward the start.

Everyone lined up at the start and in a flash there was movement as strollers and runners moved forward. All passed us but that was OK, slow and steady we were racing. Finishing was our goal.

Brendon's job was to film and keep up with the stop watch, and wave to the crowd and other runners. The crowds were amazing and encouraging. it was pleasant starting first out of the gate. The roads were clear and spacious. We knew we'd have about 15 minutes of uninterrupted running before the elite women would catch up with us. Ryan, Brendon and I enjoyed the crowds, the space to run, and the excitement. Brendon continued waving. We brought an American flag which he waved proudly.

The the pace cars came upon us and in a matter of seconds a pack of women zoomed by, so fast Brendon didn't have time to get his camera ready. Then they were gone. We enjoyed more open roads with continuous crowd support. About 10 minutes and another group of pace cars came upon us. This time Brendon was ready with the camera. he got the lead pack of men as they zoomed by. Just as quickly as they appeared they were gone! Then we knew our open road access would be challenged as the other runners would be coming up behind us. We kept running on as one by one racers began to pass us. We got lots of "Good Job, and Keep It Up's"! Brendon began shouting and waving encouragement back to all the runners. It was amazing, the cheers, the encouragement and the acceptance we experienced.

After 7 miles of pushing I turned the stroller over to Ryan. I think the stroller gave him momentum as he seemed to gain speed. I began feeling the race as I struggled to keep up with Ryan's pace. I offered up with greater intensity my gratitude to God for making this possible and the people that contributed and prayers for others. More and more racers passed as we tried to blend into the crowd. We rolled past crowds of supporters and cheerleaders into Camp Pendelton. Brendon kept up the "Good Jobs" with increased frequency. Ryan did a great job of allowing me opportunities to catch up. He and Brendon kept me in their sight and would stop to allow me to catch up as they knew finishing together was important to me. I think they both, especially Brendon wanted to speed up but I was grateful they kept me in their sights.

Finally the boardwalk, which would quickly lead to the finish line, came into view. Ryan began counting down the blocks (I'm not sure this was helping or hurting, it all seemed so far to me). For 13 blocks my boys offered encouragement, "GO MOMMY, YOU CAN DO IT MOMMY" spurred me on. Two blocks left and I reached for Brendon's hand as Ryan pushed on. I gathered the energy to sprint to the finish. Then STOP, WE DID IT! (I was impressed with Ryan's ability to come to a sudden stop with the stroller and he didn't run anyone over) We finished a distance of 13.1 miles in a very ordinary way, with a medal placed around Brendon's neck.

What next? I'm already planning our next event. Thank you to all who have shared in this journey with us and for your finances, prayers and continued supported.

"I will run with perseverance the race that is set before me."