Where I Draw My Strength

Close to the time of the death of Jesus, scripture tells us he made this final request to his father: "My father, it is possible, take this cup of suffering from me, yet not what I want, but what you want." Jesus was in a place of resignation within his own heart, a place of acceptance of what was to come, a willingness to fulfill his purpose yet he demonstrated all the fear a human faces when in a difficult situation. Knowing the great suffering he will endure, he chose to display courage fan faith. He was not acting on his own will or to save himself but on the principle of service. He gives his very life in service to others.

What an incredible life lesson this is. We can all learn much about willingness in spite of physical or emotional pain. If we choose we can take the attitude, there is a greater plan for our lives- one that includes service to others. Service that is often difficult, painful and inconvenient. This is the only type of service that truly matters. Service to our fellows.

Having a child with a disability is not always easy, and a parent faces a lot of pain, especially in the beginning as they face diagnosis and loss of what they though parenting was going to be and many times loss of dreams. I parent goes through a grief process and those that know grief know how difficult it is. One difference in grieving a live child is that things can change with a child, the child can develop a complication, get a new diagnosis, face a new challenge and the grief can begin again. How long a person stays in a stage of grief depends on the person and I believe their spiritual connection and support of others, those with similar challenges as well as trusted friends, family, medical and service workers.

Once I got to a place of acceptance initially there was a peace, a knowing that God was caring for my child as well as me and I didn't have to try to control that which I had no control of. I was able to let go of "what it was supposed to be" and enjoy the blessing my son has been in my life and the effect he has on the lives of others. I have found going through grief once, getting to acceptance has increased my faith making the grief process a little easier to go through if things change with my son.

Working as a consultant in the field of wellness and disability gives me ample opportunity to be of service in challenging old ways of thinking, attitudes and barriers which cause a great deal of stress, anxiety and fear. Recently we began an inclusion ministry at our church. I am committed to bring awareness and serving as a resource. I have had the fortune to see God touching the hearts of others who are also committed to this work. It is easy to do things as they have always been done whether it makes sense or not, whether it helps others or not. But to challenge old ways and to initiate change takes the diligent commitment toward following a plan of one greater than me and I often look to scripture for direction. Like Jesus at times I wish this "cup" would pass me by because my experience has many painful rejections (from the very administration of my faith community which has been most painful). But this rejection spurs me on as I am comforted by the words of Jesus, "thy will not mine be done." I have faith that the work I do, the lives I touch and the people I help are all part of my vocation, the job God has for me. To be so clear on my purpose I find is the greatest of blessings.