Sunday, October 26, 2008
Gratitude is Intentional
I am so excited I now have one follower on my blog! I love to see your comments and that somehow my story touches you. Hopefully it inspires you to develop your own story. That is the only way we can learn, I think, is by sharing our stories!
Today I set out for a short 50 minute run. The air was cool and the sun was bright. I decided to head to Moss Wright Park as I'm getting a little tired of my other courses. I couldn't wake Andrew to go with me, he stayed up too late last night.
Half way into my run, I realized that I have been doing a lot of talking to God, making requests, listing my demands, and what I needed with very little thought to all the blessings I have already been given: the sun shining brightly, the beautiful park, time to run this morning, my special moms who came to my house last night to fellowship, etc. I began to realize that He already knows what I need and I am already receiving all I need. I switched gears and began to run with gratitude. I began to list all the things I was grateful for on this beautiful morning. With each thing I said a memorized prayer. I had to really concentrate on what I was doing because my mind kept going to my list of requests again, patience, strength, success, etc. It is so easy to slip into self centered prayer. Staying in gratitude takes discipline and concentration. It is a form of meditation that takes lots of practice. Running the distances I do gives me ample time to practice. Really, you would think after logging in the miles which number in the thousands right now, I would be better at gratitude, it would come easier and be more natural. But it is still something I have to do with intention. I think God is happy with the fact that I continue to try.
"I am focusing my eye on the prize which lies before me" Put one foot, or if you're in a wheelchair, roll one wheel in front of the other, with each move forward focusing on gratitude letting each intention bring you into God's presence.
Happy meditation!
Today I set out for a short 50 minute run. The air was cool and the sun was bright. I decided to head to Moss Wright Park as I'm getting a little tired of my other courses. I couldn't wake Andrew to go with me, he stayed up too late last night.
Half way into my run, I realized that I have been doing a lot of talking to God, making requests, listing my demands, and what I needed with very little thought to all the blessings I have already been given: the sun shining brightly, the beautiful park, time to run this morning, my special moms who came to my house last night to fellowship, etc. I began to realize that He already knows what I need and I am already receiving all I need. I switched gears and began to run with gratitude. I began to list all the things I was grateful for on this beautiful morning. With each thing I said a memorized prayer. I had to really concentrate on what I was doing because my mind kept going to my list of requests again, patience, strength, success, etc. It is so easy to slip into self centered prayer. Staying in gratitude takes discipline and concentration. It is a form of meditation that takes lots of practice. Running the distances I do gives me ample time to practice. Really, you would think after logging in the miles which number in the thousands right now, I would be better at gratitude, it would come easier and be more natural. But it is still something I have to do with intention. I think God is happy with the fact that I continue to try.
"I am focusing my eye on the prize which lies before me" Put one foot, or if you're in a wheelchair, roll one wheel in front of the other, with each move forward focusing on gratitude letting each intention bring you into God's presence.
Happy meditation!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I'm back... after taking 13 days off I am back on my marathon training schedule. With 21 days left to the San Antonio marathon, this is the last long run, 20 miles! Why would anyone want to take on the challenge of running a 26.2 mile marathon? For me it's a way to be a little less crazy. Life is difficult, emotional and frustrating. Running gives me perspective, I put myself through a vigorous schedule toward a goal. Three reasons keep me running, through difficulties, aches, and busy schedules.
1. It is my spiritual connection: there is something about running that connects me to God. We talk, OK mostly I talk, but through the exertion of my body I get answers - how to improve my relationships, sorting through a conflict and determining my part - solutions to career related problems - and overcoming writers block, to name just a few. I get to go places on the road a car can't get into and I love paying attention to the noises, the color, the scenery God has put in my path which in day to day life I tend to ignore.
2. Running is my way to release emotions that could easily overcome me: anger, fear, depression, and sadness. There is something about physical exertion and doing something in which you can focus your physical self on that allows the thinking and emotions to get right sized and I can go about the things that happen in my day.
3. Running is a family event for me. I have three boys and finding something physical to do with them is sometimes difficult. My oldest son and I have run two half marathons and several 5K races together. When your children enter into adulthood and go away to college, it is sometimes difficult to make connections. Running keeps us connected. My middle son doesn't like running as much right now but he has completed several 5K races with me, and if he is not in the race with me he is cheering and taking pictures. I also know he has respect for my physical ability since running is harder for him right now. I now also run with my youngest son , pushing him in his stroller. It is my way of teaching him that just because he has a disability doesn't mean he has to be limited. Even my husband is involved: driving us to the races, paying the entry fees, taking video and pictures and having water at the finish line!
These things keep me running: God, stability and family. What more can a person ask from life! And... there's nothing like crossing a finish line, and one final reward... the medal!
1. It is my spiritual connection: there is something about running that connects me to God. We talk, OK mostly I talk, but through the exertion of my body I get answers - how to improve my relationships, sorting through a conflict and determining my part - solutions to career related problems - and overcoming writers block, to name just a few. I get to go places on the road a car can't get into and I love paying attention to the noises, the color, the scenery God has put in my path which in day to day life I tend to ignore.
2. Running is my way to release emotions that could easily overcome me: anger, fear, depression, and sadness. There is something about physical exertion and doing something in which you can focus your physical self on that allows the thinking and emotions to get right sized and I can go about the things that happen in my day.
3. Running is a family event for me. I have three boys and finding something physical to do with them is sometimes difficult. My oldest son and I have run two half marathons and several 5K races together. When your children enter into adulthood and go away to college, it is sometimes difficult to make connections. Running keeps us connected. My middle son doesn't like running as much right now but he has completed several 5K races with me, and if he is not in the race with me he is cheering and taking pictures. I also know he has respect for my physical ability since running is harder for him right now. I now also run with my youngest son , pushing him in his stroller. It is my way of teaching him that just because he has a disability doesn't mean he has to be limited. Even my husband is involved: driving us to the races, paying the entry fees, taking video and pictures and having water at the finish line!
These things keep me running: God, stability and family. What more can a person ask from life! And... there's nothing like crossing a finish line, and one final reward... the medal!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
18 Miles of Difficulty
It has been two days since my 18 mile long run in preparation for the November San Antonio marathon. It's taken me two days to get over the painful experience of body, mind and spirit.
As with any long run, and even the shorter runs, I usually participate in a back and forth dialogue in my mind. I planned to begin at 6:00 am and end a little after 9:00am. I don't know if anyone else engages in self talk but I do it all the time. I'm told it is healthy. As usual when I'm facing such a long stretch of running, I have to do a lot of self talk. "Yes you need to do this." "No you can't wait or postpone because your schedule is too busy this week." You'll feel better when it's done." "You've done this before and you can do it again!" Usually my self talk begins in anticipation of the run, days before. My mind plays a kind of ping pong ball game, back and forth from talking myself into : "Yes, let's go, you can do it!" to talking myself out of: "Oh --- there's no way!" Occasionally I will engage and follow the negative, and I always regret it. Eventually, however, the "JUST DO IT" thought will prevail and overcome any obstacles my mind perceives
The weather was cool and the sky had a pink glow in the horizon. I savored it's sight as I knew it would quickly be gone as I changed directions and the day emerged. I committed to run the neighborhood for the first three or four miles. This proved to be a good thing. From the beginning my stomach started it's protests. I stopped three times at the house. The ping pong game started back in my head. I continue to wonder if taking on this distance, on this day was worth the discomfort of a protesting stomach. I returned to the thought: "You have no other time in your busy schedule this week to run!" and recognized a new thought: "Whose to say another day will be any different!"
The weather continued to be a blessing, I have learned to take any positive thought I can get. It was sunny, clear and with a coolness I look forward to on a fall day. I continued to put miles behind me as I took one step at a time. I wish I could say the run got easier, but it didn't. It was a constant effort to remain in the present. I continued to follow my prayer mantra. I practiced being mindful of the breath. I even tried the body awareness technique discussed in Roger Joslin's book. I began at my feet, recognizing their movement and feel. I got as far as my quadriceps when I lost interest, the effort to think about my body one part at a time proved to be too difficult. I abandoned the task.
I remembered that sometimes running is painful, uncomfortable, and the thoughts of giving up can consume each step. This is similar to the most recent events of my life off the road. I am working to create a vocation, a new career that will honor all of my experiences and bring awareness to others. I have recently had thoughts of giving up the pursuit, wondering if what I was doing was worth it. I have recently had thoughts of giving up the pursuit, wondering if what i was doing was worth it, similar to the thought while embarking on this run. I have had to talk myself out of the negative and fear filled spaces that my mind wants to occupy. Perseverance, and continuing on despite discomfort became the lesson of the run.
I never got to enjoy this running experience, it was too uncomfortable. I never settled into a peaceful rhythm. I continued the practice of mindful breathing, which got me through and I focused on staying in the present, choosing to look at the road directly in front of me and the strike of my foot on the pavement. I knew based on past experience eventually the run would end and I would be able to rest.
What started out to be a three hour run actually took almost four hours. As in life when I am having doubts, I had to rest more, take more breaks, refocus my mind and prepare my body. Each time I stopped I refocused my thoughts and mustered up additional strength to continue on the path. Eventually the run did end, I took pride in the fact I allowed my healthy mind, the one that tells me to continue on despite fear, discomfort and even pain to dominate and propel me toward the end. I ended my run with a steep uphill climb, a symbol of one final trial, exactly what I needed to bring this experience to completion. I ended much as I began in discomfort and duress. BUT, it was exactly what I needed and when I was done I had one more successful experience of persevering toward the end despite the discomfort, pain and fear.
As with any long run, and even the shorter runs, I usually participate in a back and forth dialogue in my mind. I planned to begin at 6:00 am and end a little after 9:00am. I don't know if anyone else engages in self talk but I do it all the time. I'm told it is healthy. As usual when I'm facing such a long stretch of running, I have to do a lot of self talk. "Yes you need to do this." "No you can't wait or postpone because your schedule is too busy this week." You'll feel better when it's done." "You've done this before and you can do it again!" Usually my self talk begins in anticipation of the run, days before. My mind plays a kind of ping pong ball game, back and forth from talking myself into : "Yes, let's go, you can do it!" to talking myself out of: "Oh --- there's no way!" Occasionally I will engage and follow the negative, and I always regret it. Eventually, however, the "JUST DO IT" thought will prevail and overcome any obstacles my mind perceives
The weather was cool and the sky had a pink glow in the horizon. I savored it's sight as I knew it would quickly be gone as I changed directions and the day emerged. I committed to run the neighborhood for the first three or four miles. This proved to be a good thing. From the beginning my stomach started it's protests. I stopped three times at the house. The ping pong game started back in my head. I continue to wonder if taking on this distance, on this day was worth the discomfort of a protesting stomach. I returned to the thought: "You have no other time in your busy schedule this week to run!" and recognized a new thought: "Whose to say another day will be any different!"
The weather continued to be a blessing, I have learned to take any positive thought I can get. It was sunny, clear and with a coolness I look forward to on a fall day. I continued to put miles behind me as I took one step at a time. I wish I could say the run got easier, but it didn't. It was a constant effort to remain in the present. I continued to follow my prayer mantra. I practiced being mindful of the breath. I even tried the body awareness technique discussed in Roger Joslin's book. I began at my feet, recognizing their movement and feel. I got as far as my quadriceps when I lost interest, the effort to think about my body one part at a time proved to be too difficult. I abandoned the task.
I remembered that sometimes running is painful, uncomfortable, and the thoughts of giving up can consume each step. This is similar to the most recent events of my life off the road. I am working to create a vocation, a new career that will honor all of my experiences and bring awareness to others. I have recently had thoughts of giving up the pursuit, wondering if what I was doing was worth it. I have recently had thoughts of giving up the pursuit, wondering if what i was doing was worth it, similar to the thought while embarking on this run. I have had to talk myself out of the negative and fear filled spaces that my mind wants to occupy. Perseverance, and continuing on despite discomfort became the lesson of the run.
I never got to enjoy this running experience, it was too uncomfortable. I never settled into a peaceful rhythm. I continued the practice of mindful breathing, which got me through and I focused on staying in the present, choosing to look at the road directly in front of me and the strike of my foot on the pavement. I knew based on past experience eventually the run would end and I would be able to rest.
What started out to be a three hour run actually took almost four hours. As in life when I am having doubts, I had to rest more, take more breaks, refocus my mind and prepare my body. Each time I stopped I refocused my thoughts and mustered up additional strength to continue on the path. Eventually the run did end, I took pride in the fact I allowed my healthy mind, the one that tells me to continue on despite fear, discomfort and even pain to dominate and propel me toward the end. I ended my run with a steep uphill climb, a symbol of one final trial, exactly what I needed to bring this experience to completion. I ended much as I began in discomfort and duress. BUT, it was exactly what I needed and when I was done I had one more successful experience of persevering toward the end despite the discomfort, pain and fear.
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